


THE WIENER SOLDIERS

by damianwayne



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Social Media, akaashi is done with everyones shit, chatfic, frick, second years third years, shirabu and yahaba are constantly bickering, terushima and futakuchi hit on everyone., terushima is poly and so is everyone @ johzenji, yamamoto the '''straight''' fratbroTM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianwayne/pseuds/damianwayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p><b>PLAYAAAA xxx </b>changed the title from '<b>CAP 2</b>' to ‘<b>THE WINTER SOLDIERS</b>’</p>
  <p><b>o(○｀ω´○)9</b> nO WAIT</p>
  <p><b>o(○｀ω´○)9</b> changed the title from ‘<b>THE WINTER SOLDIERS</b>’ to ‘<b>THE WIENER SOLDIERS</b>’</p>
  <p><b>YAMAMAMA</b> FRICK GOOD ONE FUTAKUCHI</p>
  <p><b>bigger bamf yahaba</b> i’m out</p>
  <p><b>biggest bamf shirabu</b> thank god</p>
</blockquote>Or, the one where the second captain squad creates a group chat.
            </blockquote>





	1. we're all one race, the akaashi race

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [national hot dad alliance is now calling...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663683) by [dicaeopolis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dicaeopolis/pseuds/dicaeopolis), [owlinaminor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlinaminor/pseuds/owlinaminor). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
>  ANYWAY WE SHOULD RENAME THE GROUPCHAT
> 
>  
> 
> _**PLAYAAAA xxx** changed the title from ‘ **CAP 2** ’ to ‘ **THE WINTER SOLDIERS** ’_
> 
>  
> 
>  **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
>  nO WAIT
> 
>  
> 
> _**o(○｀ω´○)9** changed the title from ‘ **THE WINTER SOLDIERS** ’ to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ’_
> 
>  
> 
>  **YAMAMAMA**  
>  FRICK
> 
>  **bigger bamf yahaba**  
>  i’m out
> 
>  **biggest bamf shirabu**  
>  thank god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok. based on[ my one post](http://redrobin.co.vu/post/147038804104/ok-but-the-second-captain-squad-tho-they-call) i made about the 2nd captain squad  
> idk why but ive always been more invested in the 2nd captain squad then the actal captain squad
> 
> also this isnt really my first chatfic, i wrote one for the dc fandom like... 2 years ago or smth, so its wildly inspired from that one too. which means: this wont only have skype but all the other social media too!!
> 
> also bc i read a bunch of hq!! chatfics after i had the idea to write my own, i was heavily inspired by them too! :) especially national hot dad alliance, which apparently is rlly popular. well i'm "new" to the fandom so i never heard of it before but its so good :)

**( April 2nd, 7.21pm )**

_**YAMAMAMA** created ‘ **CAP 2’**_

_**YAMAMAMA** added **Akaashi** , **ennoshita** to the group chat_

**ennoshita**  
what is this

 **YAMAMAMA**  
a groupchat!!!

 **ennoshita**  
i can see

 **Akaashi**  
Please, don’t tell me this is what I think it is

 **YAMAMAMA**  
ok but like  
kuroo told me abt the cap group chat the captains have  
so i thought we should do it too!!  
u know now that we are all captains

 **ennoshita**  
ah i understand

 **YAMAMAMA**  
do u have the skype names of the other captains

 **ennoshita**  
which other captains

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **YAMAMAMA**  
idk??? kuroo said he was w the captain of shiratorizawa and aoba johsai or smth  
or just any idk this is looonely  
btw HOW I S UR MANAGAER

 **ennoshita**  
yeah, actually i do  
she’s doing great i think, she’s at college

 **Akaashi**  
Ennoshita  
Wait

_**ennoshita** added **bamf shirabu** , **yahaboobie** and **o(○｀ω´○)9** to ‘ **CAP 2’**_

**YAMAMAMA**  
WHAT IS THAT

 **bamf shirabu**  
is THAT YAHABA

 **Akaashi**  
Oh no here we go.

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
ooh ennoshita i never thought u’d ever message me ;)

 **ennoshita**  
this is a groupchat

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i can see but what for

 **bamf shirabu**  
can we talk about how yahabas name is yahaboobie  
yahaBOOBIE

 **Akaashi**  
Who are you people?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
ok we should lik e introduce ourselves  
im yamamoto taketora!!! captain of nekoma

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
what is nekoma

 **YAMAMAMA**  
volleyball team in tokyo!!!! how can u not know us!  
ALSO WHAT IS THAT NAME WHAT KIND OF FACE ARE U MAKING  
U WANNA GO!??!

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
… ennoshita  
where did u pull me in

 **ennoshita**  
they’re nice

 **bamf shirabu**  
shirabu kenjirou, captaiain of shiratorizawa

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
shirabu  
why the fuck is ur name bamf shirabu  
thats kinda,,, desperate dont u think lmaoo

 **yahaboobie**  
good one futakuchi

 **bamf shirabu**  
look the boobie is here

 **yahaboobie**  
LISTEN  
it was those damn new first years who changed my name

 **Akaashi**  
why don’t you change it back?

 **yahaboobie**  
…

 **bamf shirabu**  
i bet he likes this name

 **yahaboobie** changed to bigger bamf yahaba

 **bamf shirabu**  
are you fucking kiDDING ME

 **YAMAMAMA**  
NFDNKFNKSD

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
maybe putting shiratori and seijous captain 2gether wasnt such a good idea

 **ennoshita**  
didn’t ushiwaka and oikawa get along in the group chat after a while too

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
A LONG WHILE

 **bamf shirabu** changed to **biggest bamf shirabu**

 **Akaashi** left the group

 **YAMAMAMA**  
NO AKAASHI DONT LEAVE ME EHRE W THOSE MIYAGI KIDS

_**YAMAMAMA** added **Akaashi** to **‘CAP 2** ’_

**o(○｀ω´○)9**  
oh akaashi u should introduce urself

 **Akaashi**  
Akaashi Keiji, captain of Fukurodani

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i’m futakuchi cap of dateko  
ok but akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
Yes?

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
is this you in ur icon

 **Akaashi**  
Yes. Why?

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
because daaang  
can u pm me another one?

_**Akaashi** left the group_

**YAMAMAMA**  
DONT HIT ON AKAASHI, FUTAKUCHI

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
omg  
i took a screenshot  
captain of dateko  
destroyed in front of all the other captains

 **_YAMAMAMA_ ** _added **Akaashi** to ‘ **CAP 2** ’_

 **Akaashi**  
No, you can’t have another picture.

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST CHANGE UR ICON  
i just wanted to be nice!!! it was a nice picture u r very pretty

 **Akaashi**  
Thank you.

 **YAMAMAMA**  
i like ur new picture akaashi!!! the owl is nice

 **Akaashi**  
Thank you, Bokuto sent it to me

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
hey can i add someone else to the gc

 **YAMAMAMA**  
is he a captain

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
yes

 **ennoshita**  
okay

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
yahaba is already here so it cant be worse

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you wanna fucking go shitabu

 **Akaashi**  
Why do you hate each other so much?

_**o(○｀ω´○)9** added **PLAYAAAA xxx** to ‘ **CAP 2** ’_

**bigger bamf yahaba  
** what kind of user name is that

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
oh shit whattup

 **YAMAMAMA**  
i dont think this is how it works

 **PLAYAAAA xxx  
** here come dat boi

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
thats an outdated meme

 **ennoshita**  
hi terushima

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
hoLy shit am i in a gc with karasunos pretty captain

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **Akaashi**  
Here we go again

 **YAMAMAMA**  
DONT HIT ON ENNOSHITA  
who even r u

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
terushima yuuji!!!! cap of johzenji

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
what kind of name is playaaa

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
first of all its PLAYAAAA  
four as  
2nd of all  
what kind of name is biggest bamf shirabu  
or bigger bamf yahaba

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
shiratori v seijou being kids again

 **Akaashi**  
Just them?

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
akaashi u hurt me  
i was trying to be nice

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
omg what happened

_**bigger bamf yahaba** sent a picture_

**o(○｀ω´○)9**  
YOU REALLY TOOK A SCREENSHOT?!?!?

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i told you i did

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
OPGNKNGKFSNGKFS  
OMG FUTAKUCHI  
THIS HURTS TO LOOK AT

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i trusted u yahaba

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
ok look this is how its done  
akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
…  
Yes?

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
where do u hide ur wings

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
oh my god

 **Akaashi**  
It this an owl pun

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
WHAT  
im

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
omgggg

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
i twasnT An OWL PUn  
it was  
i was  
i was implyING YOU ARE AN ANGEL

 **Akaashi**  
Oh.

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
GOD DAMN IT AKAASHI  
FORGET IT  
I DONT EVEN KNOW U

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
this is a trainwreck

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
just like your games against us

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m going to cut you  
somebody kick him out

 **YAMAMAMA**  
terushima  
where do i know that name from

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
lmao idk im pretty fame  
im a fame btch  
*biatch

 **ennoshita**  
i think tanaka told you about him once

 **YAMAMAMA**  
OH SHIT YOUR RIGHT  
YOURE THAT PLAYBOY  
THAT HIT ON OUR PRECIOSU MANAGAER

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
… i dont know her  
i dont know what youre talking about i suddenly cant read anymore bye

 **YAMAMAMA**  
YOU KNOW VER Y WELL WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
* kill bill sirens _*_  
ok dude u gotta chill

 **YAMAMAMA**  
I WONT CHILL!! SHES OUR MANAGER

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
what is his problem?

 **Akaashi**  
Yamamoto, Shimizu-san isn’t your manager  
Besides, she’s not even Karasuno’s manager anymore

 **YAMAMAMA**  
OK BUT AS NEW CAPTAIN OF NEKOMA  
I HAVE TO GET A FEMALE MANAGER FOR OUR TEAM  
ITS UNFAIR U GET ALL THE CUTE GIRLS

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
tell me about it

 **ennoshita**  
terushima, johzenji has a female manager

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
you don’t need one anyway

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
thats what a bitter guy who doesnt have one would say  
btw r u still that short

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
screenshot taken

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
terushima do u still always accidentally send dick pics to ur mom

 **YAMAMAMA**  
YOU DID WHAT

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
IT WASNT MY MOM  
IT WAS MISAKI AND OKUDAKE  
AKA OUR FORMER MANAGER AND CAPTAIN  
LISTEN

 **Akaashi**  
How can you accidentally send dick pics?

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
IT WAS FOR SNAPCHAT

 **ennoshita**  
who… did you intend to send it to

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
ME

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
FUTAKUCHI WHERE WERE U MY MAN

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
im not ur man  
also no it was a joke that wasnt a dick pic for me  
how does shirabu know

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
…  
bye gotta go

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
HOLY SHIT

 **YAMAMAMA**  
i dont get it!

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
to my defense i never asked for one  
and i didnt see it either!!!!

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
u askd me if i had more piercings

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
AND THEN U SAID ‘LMAO YES LET ME SHOW U’  
and then ‘FUCK I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A DICK PIC TO MY MANAGER AND CAPTAIN’

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
yeah??? u asked for a dick pic

 **Akaashi**  
I wouldn’t count that as asking

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
u can send me one teru

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
really????  
no screenshotting pls  
wait whats ur snapchat

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
that was a joke holy shit

 **YAMAMAMA**  
WHY ARE U SENDING OUT DICK PICS SO EASILY

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
i have a nice dick

 **Akaashi**  
It’s too early for this.

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
it’s past 8pm

 **Akaashi**  
See? Too early.

 **ennoshita**  
i think we all agree when i say you shouldnt just send out … those pictures  
also what is snapchat

 **YAMAMAMA**  
OH GOD ENNOSHITA  
U GOTTA GET SNAPCHAT!!!  
tanaka and i have like a 201 day streak

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
youre not serious are you?  
201 day sTREAK?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
id send a screenshot  
but idk how its done  
thats ur expertise

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
lolololol  
screenshot king yahaba

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
which sane person still says lol

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
yahaba collecting receipts via screenshots cause hes a snitch lol

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
did you just

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
what are you gonna do about it

 **ennoshita**  
everyone calm down

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i dont even have a 37 STREAK WITH AONE

 **YAMAMAMA**  
who is aone

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
THAT WALL DUDE HAS SNAPCHAT???

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
yes  
he sends very cute snaps

 **Akaashi**  
i dont really use snapchat

 **YAMAMAMA**  
bokuto said u and him have a 238 streak?

 **Akaashi**  
I use it once a day and only send one to him

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
who is bokuto

 **Akaashi**  
The former captain of Fukurodani

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
also the reason u didnt want to pm me another pic of u  
bc theres no way u can have a 238 streak w someone and  
it s just platonic

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
what is this  
snapchat relationship police

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
JUST SAYIN

 **Akaashi**  
Bokuto and I are not dating, if that’s what you’re implying.

 **YAMAMAMA**  
YOURE NOT????  
also tanaka and i arent either

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i believe u yamamoto  
i dont know u but i kno karasunos baldy

 **ennoshita**  
yamamoto and tanaka are really close

 **YAMAMAMA**  
HES MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
binch me too

 **YAMAMAMA**  
REALLY???

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
no he hates my guts lololol

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i hate you guys

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
lololololololololol

_**bigger bamf yahaba** is offline_

**PLAYAAAA xxx**  
YOU DID IT SHITABU

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
did you just call me shitabu

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
nice kill shitabu

 **Akaashi**  
Can I leave too?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
NO  
ADD ME ON SNAPCHAT  
toratheexplora

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
wait  
why tora the explora

 **YAMAMAMA**  
because my name is taketora

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
SHIT

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
THATS SUCH A GOOD SNAPCHAT USERNAME  
TORATHEEXPLORA  
HOLY SHIT IM ADDING YOU

 **YAMAMAMA**  
DONT SEND ME DICK PICS

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
BRO

 **YAMAMAMA**  
WHATS UR NAME

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
cumslut69

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
terushima are you for fucking real

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
whats ur username

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
oh wouldnt u wanna know

 **YAMAMAMA**  
oh thanks for adding me akaashi!!!  
and… terushima

 **ennoshita**  
guys what is snapchat

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
i have no energy to explain this to you

 **YAMAMAMA**  
ok so u have a smartphone right  
and then theres this app where u can SEND PICS

 **ennoshita**  
i can do this here too?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
u dont understand  
u can send pics and they disappear after a few secs!!!!

 **ennoshita**  
what is the appeal int hat?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
PLS JUST DOWNLOAD SNAPCHAT

 **ennoshita**  
okay

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
ennoshita add me @ futadokidoki

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
u make fun of me for being cumslut69  
but ur name is futadokidoki

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
how the fuck is futadokidoki worse than cumslut69

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
i bet yahabas username is yahaboobie

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
IT IS NOT

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
werent you offline

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
I JUST PRETENDED TO BE

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
wow thats desperate lol

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
my snapchat username is yahababe

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
this doesnt make it better

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
i like the name

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
see?

 **Akaashi**  
But is a compliment from Terushima really what you want?

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
U HURT ME AKAASHI  
we dont even know each other  
ur not an angel  
ur the devil  
HRUT ME,,, sTRAIHGHT THROUGH MY Doki Doki HEART

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
did you just

 **YAMAMAMA**  
ennoshita do u have an account???

 **ennoshita**  
i dont know what to set as a username

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
ehNOshit

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
SHIT THATS A GOOD ONE

 **YAMAMAMA**  
PLS

 **ennoshita**  
no

 **YAMAMAMA**  
PLEASE ENNOSHITA

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
EHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
EHNOSHIT

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
EHNOSHITEHNOSHITEHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT!!!!!!!!

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
EHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT  
EHNOSHIT

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
EHNOSHIT

 **Akaashi**  
Please, just do it so they’ll stop spamming

 **ennoshita**  
fine  
i’m ehnoshit

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
eh no shit

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
DID YOU JSUT  
FRICK

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
ur user name is cumslut69 and u say frick instead of fuck

 **PLAYAAA xxx**  
NFDKNDKSFNKDS LEAVE ME ALONE FUTAKUCHI

 **YAMAMAMA**  
NICE ENNOSHITA I’M ADDING YOU  
DONT FORGET TORATHEEXPLORA

 **Akaashi**  
I’m adding you too, Ennoshita-san

 **ennoshita**  
okay!  
are you hoottieakaashi?

 **Akaashi**  
… No.

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
oh my god

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
HOOTTIEAKAASHI  
what is it w u and owls

 **Akaashi**  
Bokuto created the account for me!

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
well whoever this bokuto is  
he’s not wrong

 **YAMAMAMA**  
STOP  
HITTING ON AKAASHI

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i was just being NICE

 **ennoshita**  
by the way whats your username shirabu?

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
….

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
shitabu

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
no its not  
its theswanking

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
that makes it even worse  
the swan king? seriously?

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
LMAO SHIRABU  
this could also be… the WANKING  
OR  
THE WANK KING

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
frick

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
PLEASE NOT YOU TOO

 **biggest bamf yahaba**  
shirabu  
the wank king

 **YAMAMAMA**  
well at least its something  
AW ENNOSHITA

 **ennoshita**  
yes?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
THATS A NICE SNAP

 **ennoshita**  
thank you  
why does it say you took a screenshot

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
OH SHIT  
/KILL BILL SIRENS 2.0/

 **YAMAMAMA**  
I DID NOT

 **ennoshita**  
??????

 **Akaashi**  
He really must have liked that snap  
What was it?

 **ennoshita**  
it was just a picture of myself

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
GET IT YYAMAMAMAMAMA  
TORATHEEXPLORA GETTING SOME FINE DIEGO ASS

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
isnt diego dora’s cousin

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
why are u such a pain in the ass

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
lololol

 **YAMAMAMA**  
IM SORRY I WONT DO IT AGAIN

 **ennoshita**  
it’s fine  
it’s just a picture

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
no its not fine

 **ennoshita**  
?? why

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
OK LIKE IMAGINE  
One day u like wanna send him  adick pic  
but then u remember!!! that one time he toOK A SCREENSHOT  
THE TRUST IS GONE  
U CAn NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN  
NO DICK PICS!!!

 **ennoshita**  
why should i even send yamamoto one?

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
yamamoto pls dont cry

 **YAMAMAMA**  
IM NTO CRYING?!??!

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
IM HERE FOR U BRO  
u can have one of mine

 **YAMAMAMA**  
one of your what

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
dick pics??????  
u can pretend im ennoshita  
plus piercing

 **YAMAMAMA**  
I DONT WANT IT  
NOT THAT I DONT WANT ONE OF YOU ENNOSHITA  
FRICK THIS ISNT WHAT I MEANT  
I MEAN I GUESS UR DICKS NICE  
WAIT  
I MEAN I DONT WANT ONE  
LIKE  
I MEAN

 **Akaashi**  
I feel bad for you, Ennoshita-san

 **ennoshita**  
thank you

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
yamamoto youre my hero

 **YAMAMAMA**  
IM NOT EVEN GAY  
I LOVE SHIMIZU

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
everyone’s a lil bit gay

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
tru

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
yahaba is gay 4 that one mad dog

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
shut up wank king

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
frick you

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
is this a thing now

 **YAMAMAMA**  
YES

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
frick you all

 **YAMAMAMA**  
wait, are you all gay

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
OGNRFNKSDNFKDS  
FRICk

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
yamamoto u r truly my hero

 **YAMAMAMA**  
WHAT DID I DO

 **Akaashi**  
I have to go.

_**Akaashi** is offline._

**PLAYAAAA xxx**  
ok but like  
why is the group chat called cap 2

 **YAMAMAMA**  
i didnt have another idea  
and we r like the 2nd captain squad with a group chat

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
ok BUT LIKE  
ISNT CAP 2  
THAT ONE MARVEL MOVIE

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
u mean the gay one

 **YAMAMAMA**  
WHERE WAS IT GAY

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
buddy it was gay as frick

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
i don’t watch superhero movies

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
it was pretty gay

 **ennoshita**  
it wasn’t gay

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
UHHHh  
steve and bucky

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
Uh  
sam and bucky is where its at

 **YAMAMAMA**  
IT WASNT GAY  
but if it was  
then its sam and steve

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
oh god

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
ANYWAY WE SHOULD RENAME THE GROUPCHAT

 _ **PLAYAAAA xxx** changed the title from_ **‘CAP 2** ’ _to ‘ **THE WINTER SOLDIERS** ’_

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
nO WAIT

 _ **o(○｀ω´○)9** changed the title from _ ‘ ** _THE WINTER SOLDIERS_** ’ _to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS’**_

 **YAMAMAMA**  
FRICK

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m out

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
thank god

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
IM STILL HERE

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
GET OFF MY LAWN

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
BYE

 **YAMAMAMA**  
is he really gone now

 **ennoshita**  
i don’t know?  
yahaba?

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
YAHABABE????  
BABY  
COME BACk  
i think hes offline  
for real now  
well idk… he might still be lurking pretending to be offline

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
lets talk shit about him  
his hair is ugly

 **YAMAMAMA**  
is it???

_**biggest bamf shirabu** sent a picture_

**YAMAMAMA**  
its not ugly

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
I KNOW RIGHT

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
FRICK OFF YAHABA GO AWAY

 **ennoshita**  
yahaba, i like your hair

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
thank you ennoshita!

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
hair game is a+  
what u expect from the next oikawa

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
okay but NOW i’m gone

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
sure you are

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m serious

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
why are you so obsessed with me?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
i still ahvent dont my math homework frick  
i hate math!!!!!

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i hate that we really all say frick now

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
u have a fricking problem with that

 **ennoshita**  
can i help?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
are u good in math????

 **ennoshita**  
i’m decent

 **YAMAMAMA**  
HELP ME PSL

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
get some mama yama

 **ennoshita**  
what is that supposed to mean

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
ennoshita is the team mom TM

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
pls terushima  
at least use the real signs  
team mom™

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
cougar mom  
soccer mom  
volleyball mom  
mILF

 **ennoshita**  
how about you send me a picture of your homework?

 **YAMAMAMA**  
OK

 **ennoshita**  
but through a private chat, because otherwise we’re spamming this one with math formulas and we wouldn’t want this.

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
YOU SURE ITS JUST MAT H FORMULA ;) ;) ;)  
pls…. calcuLATE The iNTEGRAL OF mY DiCKs CURVE

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
HERE HE IS

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
i was waiting for yahaba to make an appearance  
guess he’s really offline

 **YAMAMAMA**  
why are u so obsessed with him

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
IM NOT  
have fun at ur STUDY DATE WITH THE TEAM MOM

_**biggest bamf shirabu** is offline_

**YAMAMAMA**  
ITS NOT A DATE

 **ennoshita**  
yamamoto, you have to send me a picture or else i can’t help you

 **YAMAMAMA**  
OH SHIT HOLD UP

 **PLAYAAA xxx**  
also ill let u kno im smart

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
why cant i believe that

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
listen im in college prep classes, kay,,.. im fricking smart

 **ennoshita**  
yeah thats actually true  
i heard he’s one of the smartest students in johzenji

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
binch what did i say

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
i am impressed

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
anything for my fans : _*_ :*

_**o(○｀ω´○)9** is offline_

**PLAYAAAA xxx**  
FUTADOKIDOKI DONT LEAVE ME  
DONT BREAK MY KOKORO MY DOKI DOKI KOKORO  
FINE  
u 2 have fun  
use cyber condoms

_**PLAYAAAA xxx** is offline_

* * *

**(April 3rd, 4.35pm)**

**Akaashi**  
Why are we called the Wiener Soldiers

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
futakuchi changed it  
SCROLL UP

 **Akaashi**  
No thanks.

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
:(  
akaaashiii u keep hurting me  
u havent even added me on snapchat yet,,, i am so hurt

 **Akaashi**  
Will you promise me not to send dick pics?

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
HFNKSDFJKD IS THIS THE REASONW HY  U HAVENT ADDED ME?  
of course i wont send u any if u dont ask for them  
im not an asshole

 **YAMAMAMA**  
SHIMIZU WOULD BEG FOR DIFFER

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
HOW DID UR DATE WITH ENNOSHITA GO

 **YAMAMAMA**  
IT WASNT A DATE???

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
SURE JAN

 **YAMAMAMA**  
MY NAME IS NOT JAN

 **Akaashi**  
Can you guys not shout?

YAMAMAMA  
he was just explaining math to me!!!

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
YOU COULDVE ASKE D ME BRO

 **YAMAMAMA**  
I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU????  
plus u didnt OFFER

 **PLAYAAAA xxx**  
IM OFFERING NOW

 **Akaashi**  
You’re almost as bad as Bokuto and Kuroo… Or Tanaka and Yamamoto  
I don’t want you two to meet

_**PLAYAAAA xxx** changed to **akaashi is mean**_

**akaashi is mean**  
why are you so mean

 **Akaashi**  
How was I mean?  
I apologize, Terushima-san, I didn’t want to be mean

_**akaashi is mean** changed to **akaashi is nice**_

**Akaashi**  
Please, stop.

 **akaashi is nice**  
buy my silence permanently. $8,000,000 per month.

 **o(○｀ω´○)9**  
did u just meme akaashi

 **akaashi is nice**  
u mean bc hes my name  
or bc i just sent him a meme  
meme is so vague,,

_**YAMAMAMA** changed to **leave akaashi alone**_

**Akaashi**  
Yamamoto-san, not you too.

 **leave akaashi alone**  
i’m supporting u akaashi!!!!!

_**o(○｀ω´○)9** changed to **akaashi protection squad**_

**Akaashi  
** What have I done to deserve this

 **akaashi is nice**  
omg u accepted me on snapchat  
NFKDNKDS  
snaps r on the way

 **akaashi protection squad**  
that was a mistake  
u shouldnt have accepted him  
he sent me 21 snaps yesterday

 **akaashi is nice**  
akaashi is nice  
he wont care  
hes not like YOU FUTAKUCHI

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
who is who

 **leave akaashi alone**  
its me yamamoto

 **akaashi protection squad**  
im akaashi

 **akaashi is nice**  
we are all one race… the akaashi race

 **biggest bamf shirabu**  
akaashi?

 **Akaashi**  
Yes?

 **akaashi is nice**  
yes?

 **akaashi protection squad**  
yes?

 **leave akaashi alone**  
STOP THIS

_**biggest bamf shirabu** changed to **the akaashi race**_

**Akaashi**  
WHY

 **the akaashi race**  
so yahaba will be confused when he comes online

 **leave akaashi alone**  
WHAT ABOTU ENNOSHITA THO

 **akaashi is nice**  
OHhhh YAMA WANTS THE MAMA TO HIS YAMAMAMA

 **akaashi protection squad**  
does that make sense

 **Akaashi**  
Everyone of you stop

**(CUT)**

**(6.21pm)**

**ennoshita**  
what’s happening?

 **the akaashi race**  
CHANGE UR NAME QUICKLY BEFORE YAHABA COMES ONLINE

 **akaashi is nice**  
u sure ur not obsessed w him shirabu

 **the akaashi race**  
my name is akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
I hate every single one of you

 **leave akaashi alone**  
me too?

 **Akaashi**  
I like Ennoshita-san

 **ennoshita**  
thank you, i like you too!

_**ennoshita** changed to **i like akaashi**_

**Akaashi**  
I take it back

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**akaashi protection squad**  
no offense  
i have no idea who is woo

 **akaashi is nice**  
im akaashi

 **leave akaashi alone**  
YAMAMOTO

 **the akaashi race**  
i am akaashi

 **i like akaashi**  
i’m ennoshita

 **akaashi protection squad**  
no offense  
you and yamamoto deserve each other

 **leave akaashi alone**  
WHAT HAVE WE DONE NOW

 **akaashi is nice**  
where is yahaba that bitch

 **i like akaashi**  
??  
is ‘akaashi is nice’ shirabu?

 **the akaashi race**  
no i’m shirabu

 **akaashi is nice**  
im akaashi

 **i like akaashi**  
i am so confused

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
what the frick

 **the akaashi race**  
hi

 **leave akaashi alone**  
hey yahaba!!!

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
WHO IS AKAASHI

 **akaashi is nice**  
me

 **akaashi protection squad**  
me

 **the akaashi race**  
me

 **i like akaashi**  
me

 **leave akaashi alone**  
me

_**bigger bamf yahaba** is offline_

**the akaashi race**  
NICE KILL

_**the akaashi race** changed to **the superior™**_

**bigger bamf yahaba**  
WHO NAMES THEMSELVES THE SUPERIOR  
is that shirabu

 **the superior™**  
frick you yahaba

 **akaashi is nice**  
FJDFKDJF HOW DID U KNOW IT WAS HIM, YAHABA

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
who else has stupid names

 **akaashi protection squad**  
literally all of us

 **the superior™**  
YAHABA STOP PRETENDING TO BE OFFLINE

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
no

 **leave akaashi alone**  
ENNOSHITA

 **i like akaashi**  
yes?

 **leave akaashi alone**  
TANAKA ISNT SNAPPING TO ME !!!!!!  
OUR STREAK IS COMING TO AN END!!!!  
WE HAVE A 201 DAY STREAK !!!

 **i like akaashi**  
he misplaces his phone today somewhere during practice

 **leave akaashi alone**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
have you searched for it?

 **i like akaashi**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
everywhere? it’s usually where u least expect it  
trust me i know yamagata always misplaces his phone

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
literally nobody cares

 **akaashi is nice**  
cant u log into his name for tanaka  
and then send urself a snap

 **akaashi protection squad**  
wow sometimes u really are smart terushima  
u r terushima right

_**akaashi is nice** changed to **TeruBoi**_

**TeruBoi**  
yes my man

 **leave akaashi alone**  
I LOVE U TERUHSIMA

 **TeruBoi**  
SO U FINALLY FORGAVE ME

 **leave akaashi alone**  
for what

 **TeruBoi**  
FOR WHAT I DID TO KARASUNOS MANAGER

 **leave akaashi alone**  
…  
if this works, then yes  
how do you log out of snapchat

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
google is your best friend

 **leave akaashi alone**  
i have no idea what tanakas password is

 **the superior™**  
ask him?  
what am i, surrounded by idiots

 **TeruBoi**  
@ me next time

 **leave akaashi alone**  
I CANT ASK HIM  
IF HE DOESNT HAVE A PHONE  
ENNOSHITA

 **i like akaashi**  
yes?

 **leave akaashi alone**  
ASK TANAKA FOR ME

 **i like akaashi**  
… you want me to call him? his house phone?

 **leave akaashi alone**  
YES  
i mean that would be REALLY NICE  
i dont know his parents and i would feel weird!!!! calling for snapchat!

 **i like akaashi**  
it is weird

 **TeruBoi**  
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ENNO  
ITS A 200+DAY STREAK  
A 202 DAY STREAK

 **leave akaashi alone**  
PLEASE

 **i like akaashi**  
fine

 **the superior™**  
i can’t deal with this

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
your name is so ugly

 **the superior™**  
so is your boyfriend

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
kyoutani isn’t ugly

 **the superior™**  
so you’re dating him?

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
FRICK  
I’M NOT

 **TeruBoi**  
OOOHHHH SPILL IT YAHABABA

 **akaashi protection squad**  
shit you and that crazy looking guy are really dating?  
you like the wild ones then i see

 **TeruBoi**  
WHY NOT ME YAHABA  
AM I NOT WILD ENOUGH

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
IM NOT DATING KYOUTANI  
I DONT EVEN LIKE HIM

 **the superior™**  
you’re not the only one who can take screenshots

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
don’t you dare shitabu

 **the superior™**  
mh…. do i send it personally to kyoutani  
or just post it on facebook

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i will literally end you

 **i like akaashi**  
yamamoto tanaka told me his password  
i’ll pm you it

 **leave akaashi alone**  
thank you!!! YOURE THE BEST ENNOSHITA MY MAN

 **TeruBoi**  
y r u all so gay

 **the superior™**  
you literally tried to send me a dick pic once

 **TeruBoi**  
…  
i mean,,, tru

 **akaashi protection squad**  
i literally saw u and ur teammate make out once

 **TeruBoi**  
which teammate

 **akaashi protection squad**  
…  
what the frick is that supposed to mean  
how many have u made out with

 **TeruBoi**  
.., weLL

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i don’t even want to know  
also shitabu dont you dare

 **the superior™**  
on one condition

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
what?

 **the superior™**  
u change ur username to  
the inferior™

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
frick you, no

 **the superior™**  
okay :)  
i think facebook it is

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
what about u and semi

 **the superior™**  
what ABOUT me and semi

 **TeruBoi**  
SPILL THE TEA SPILL THE TEA

 **leave akaashi alone**  
WHAT I S HAPPENING

 **Akaashi**  
You still have my name

 **leave akaashi alone**  
AAHH

_**leave akaashi** alone changed to **CITY BOY**_

_**i like akaashi** changed to **ennoshita**_

**bigger bamf yahaba**  
@ shirabu: whats good

 **the superior™**  
theres nothing w semi

_**akaashi protection squad** changed to **futakuchi protection squad**_

**TeruBoi**  
you cant be ur own protection squad

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
oh really says who  
also who was semi again

 **TeruBoi**  
that one really pretty setter  
the pinch server right  
the one with the light hair and the dyed tips

 **the superior™**  
yeah him

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
so you admit hes pretty

_**the superior™** is offline_

**bigger bamf yahaba**  
i knew it

 **TeruBoi**  
SPILL THE TEA

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
pls i need to know!

 **Akaashi**  
You’re all too involved in other people’s lives.

 **TeruBoi**  
listen,.. if u wanna know abt my love lyfe u can ask

 **Akaashi**  
“lyfe”

 **TeruBoi**  
akaashi do u wanna go ther e again  
akaashi is mean

 **Akaashi**  
I’m sorry, Terushima-san

 **TeruBoi**  
DAMN RIGHT U R

 **CITY BOY**  
my snapchat streak was just saved!!!!!!!!  
thank u terushima for the idea  
I FORGIVE U NOW  
also where is shirabu

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
ran away because of his crush on semi

 **CITY BOY**  
oh  
so everyone IS gay

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
lmaoooo  
here we go again  
yamamoto  
u sound like,-.  
some frat boy questioning his sexuality

 **CITY BOY**  
EXCUSE ME  
IM NOT A FRAT BOY

 **Akaashi**  
But you’re questioning you sexuality?

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
well

 **TeruBoi**  
that explains it all lolololol

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
stop with the lols

 **TeruBoi**  
buy my silence

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **TeruBoi**  
permanently.

 **Akaashi**  
Please

 **TeruBoi**  
$8,000,000

 **Akaashi**  
Why

 **TeruBoi**  
per month.

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**TeruBoi**  
WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO BE MY SUGAR DADDY

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
thats not what a sugar daddy is

 **TeruBoi**  
HOW DO U KNOW  
is the mad dog ur sugar daddy

_**bigger bamf yahaba** is offline_

**TeruBoi**  
NO DONT LEAVE ME  
…  
ennoshita??  
r u leaving me

 **ennoshita**  
i’m still here  
i have to make my homework soon though

 **TeruBoi**  
HEY WANNA SKYPE

 **ennoshita**  
we’re skyping right now

 **TeruBoi**  
I MEAN VIDEO CHAT

 **ennoshita**  
i suppose we could  
i don’t know what we could talk about though

 **TeruBoi**  
LISTEn,, ur smart i ams mart we can talk math

 **ennoshita**  
are you serious?

 **TeruBoi**  
I LOVE MATH  
ITS FASCINATING

 _ **TeruBoi** is calling_…

Ennoshita clicked on the green button to accept the call and soon Terushima appeared in front of his screen. His room was dark and there’s only the light of his laptop screen. He’s shirtless, sitting in what Ennoshita assumed to be his bed.

“Why is it so dark in your room?” he asked.

Terushima laughed, running one hand through his hair. “It’s late.”

“You could at least turn on the light. It’s not good for your eyes to sit completely in the dark with your laptop,” Ennoshita said and Terushima chuckled again.

“Man, Ennoshita, you really _are_ the mom friend.”

Ennoshita winced. “Please, no. The new first years call me that too.”

Terushima groaned. “Tell me about it! We never had kouhais on our teams so I have no shit what to do with these bunch of new kids now.”

“You never had…” Ennoshita thought for a moment. Now that they’re talking about it, he didn’t remember any other players being on court when they played against Johzenji. There have just been second years. “Why haven’t you had first years?”

“Long story,” Terushima murmured.

“I have time. Well, enough time. I still have to do my homework.”

“Okay, so basically on the day the First Years were supposed to come, the Third Years had some grand shit to do, you know? Some Johzenji ceremony, you wouldn’t understand. So we were all in the gym and, you know… Goofing around,” Terushima explained.

“Goofing around,” Ennoshita repeated his words, but he smiled, watching Terushima gesture around wildly.

“And then we kinda. Did some stupid things right when the First Years walked in on us and then they turned around and ran away and no other first years ever dared to join us!”

“What did you do?” Terushima didn’t reply and Ennoshita raised his eyebrows. “Terushima-san, what did you do?”

“I feel like my mom is judging me,” Terushima whispered. “Okay, we just kinda hit each other while holding hands!”

“What?”

“It was a game! We all had to hold each other’s hands. Like, we stood in a circle and then put our hands in the middle and just grabbed someone. The gist of the game is to kind of, try to entangle your arms.”

Ennoshita nodded. He had played that game several times when he had been a child. It wa fun actually, even if all your limbs are entangled and it could become a mess if you’re not working together as a team.

“But then somebody just suggested instead of doing that, we hit each other!”

“That makes no sense!” Ennoshita shouted and Terushima laughed.

“It was fun.”

Ennoshita rolled his eyes and laughs too. “Only in Johzenji.”

“Talking about teams,” Terushima suddenly changed the topic. “What’s that with you and that Nekoma dude?”

Ennoshita furrowed his brows. “What’s with me and Yamamoto?”

“Come on!” Terushima groaned. “You can’t be _stupid_!”

Somebody knocked on Ennoshita’s door. “Chikara? Are you doing your homework?”

“Eh, yes, mom!” Ennoshita shouted back. “I have to go. But thanks for the talk. Your story was fun.”

Terushima smirked. “This talk isn’t over, _Chikara_. But sure, do your homework, you goody two shoes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu @ [aegontargaryen](redrobin.co.vu)
> 
> and i actually wrote[ a fic for that one johzenji 1st year incident](http://redrobin.co.vu/post/145002539519/no-first-years) like a month ago. if u know me, you know i'm a bitch for johzenji
> 
> btw i asked around who they think would be the cap for nekoma: kenma or yamamoto. i chose yamamoto in the end, because 1. he needs more love and 2. i wanted him and terushima to become bros


	2. KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **futakuchi protection squad**  
>  we all gathered here to celebrate the wedding of terushima and yahaba  
> if anyone has a problem with that speak now or forever hold ur peace
> 
>  **kenkyou**  
>  why am i here?
> 
>  **the superior™**  
>  isn’t that obvious
> 
>  **bigger bamf yahaba**  
>  akaashi help
> 
>  **Akaashi**  
>  They want you to speak up, so Yahaba-san doesn’t have to marry Terushima-san

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i'll go with weekly updates  
> also holy shit thank u for all the comments, kudos and bookmarks??? this fic already got over 100 kudos after the first chapter... god bless u!! :)

>   
> **Terushima Yuuji** and **Bobata Kazuma** , **Futamata Takeharu** and 9 other people at **Johzenji High**  
>  6th April

i like big butts and i cannot lie x33333 rawr !!! im so kewl, nuds lol lol ???

>   
> **Bobata Kazuma** , **Futakuchi Kenji** , **Yamamoto Taketora** and **77 other people** like this

**Yamamoto Taketora** bro are you okay  
 _8 hours ago_ \- **12**  Likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** LISTEN THAT WASNT ME  
 _8 hours ago -_ **18**  Likes

 **Misaki Hana** I knew I can’t leave you alone. Even at college I have to worry  
 _7 horus ago -_ **24**  Likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** THE NEW FIRST YEARS DID THIS!!! @ first yrs FUCK YOU respect ur senpai!!!! i cant believe i trusted you…, left my phone in the open… betrayed…  
 _7 hours ago_ \- **9**  Likes

 **Bobata Kazuma** its your own fault that u trusted them  
 _7 hours ago_ \- **12**  Likes

 **Akaashi Keiji** This status does sound like you, though  
 _6 hours ago_ \- **31** Likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** AKAASHI YOU FRICKING TRAITOR  
 _5 hours ago_ \- **9**  Likes

 **Futakuchi Kenji** seems like johzenjis captain cant control his children ;)  
 _4 hours ago -_ **6** Likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** blocked blocked blOCked  
 _4 hours ago -_ **8**  Likes

* * *

 

**(April 6th  
8.21pm )**

**TeruBoi**  
ok this is it  
the last straw  
somebody pls tell me how to deal w my fckng kouhais

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
is this because of that fb status?   
sucks to be you, when your first years don’t listen to you

 **the superior™**  
ok but whose first years changed their captains skypes name to yahabOOBIE

 **TeruBoi**  
tru  
askin yahaba isnt a good idea  
@ akaashi

 **the superior™**  
why not me?

 **TeruBoi**  
idk i feel like akaashi would kno how to deal best w them  
also @ ennoshita

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
akaashi and ennoshita arent online

 **TeruBoi**  
GOD DAMN IT THEN WHY AM I HERE

 **the superior™**  
i can give you good advice  
my first years listen to me

 **TeruBoi**  
ok but how ur like 5 feet

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
god bless you

 **the superior™**  
first of all: frick you terushima, youre like not even two inches taller  
second of all: doesnt change the fact that neither of you has ever defeat us in a game

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
now that ushiwaka is gone we will

 **TeruBoi**  
this is such a loss  
i miss him

 **the superior™**  
you always lost against us? why do you miss him?

 **TeruBoi**  
but he was so… , hot like,.. beefy and ripped af  
and so tol  
he was THICC

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you’re disgusting

 **TeruBoi**  
listen theres nothing wrong w thirsting after that thicc man  
i bet he has a big monster dong  
he is hung i just know it

 **the superior™**  
STOP

 **TeruBoi**  
have u ever looked @ him in the showers

 **the superior™**  
I respect Ushijima!! Don’t say such things about my former captain! I would never do something like this, Terushima, stop asking me those questions.

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you know he got it bad when he starts using normal grammar  
didnt you know shirabu has like this weird obsession for ushiwaka

 **TeruBoi**  
i mean… Who C aN BLAME HIm

 **the superior™**  
stop

 **TeruBoi**  
BUY MY SILENCE  
8,000

 **the superior™**  
i swear to god i will go offline if you say this again  
and unlike yahaba i will actually do it

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
rude

 **the superior™**  
is this news

 **CITY BOY**  
I AM HERE FOR LOCAL KOUHAI ADVICE

 **TeruBoi**  
NO OFFENSE BRO BUT  
UR NOT EVEN LOCAL

 **CITY BOY**  
I AM HERE FOR KOUHAI ADVICE

 **TeruBoi**  
can i trust this man,…

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i don’t think so

 **CITY BOY**  
WOAH RUDE

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m just saying what everyone thinks

 **TeruBoi**  
OKAY SO WE HAVE LITERALLY /SEVEN/ FIRST YEARS

 **CITY BOY**  
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SEVEN FRIST YEARS

 **TeruBoi**  
long story

 **CITY BOY**  
DO U HAVE A FEMALE MANAGER

 **the superior™**  
he already said last time they have one

 **CITY BOY**  
THIS IS UNFAIR

 **the superior™**  
do you have to scream in caps

 **TeruBoi**  
LISteN ;;; We had to LITERaLLY pAy them to join us

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **TeruBoi**  
long story

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
okay so you have seven first years, how many second years?

 **TeruBoi**  
0  
if u count the manager  
then one   
loool

 **the superior™**  
am i getting this right  
your team consists of a bunch of third years and seven first years  
and one second year manager

 **TeruBoi**  
DING DING DING jackpot wank king

 **the superior™**  
you can’t be saved  
rip terushima

 **CITY BOY**  
rip in fucking pieces

 **TeruBoi**  
*KILL BILL SIRENS *

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
did you just

 **the superior™**  
i can’t believe this

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
I’M COMING ONLINE  
AND THEN I SEE THIS

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT HAPPENED

 **TeruBoi**  
i cant believe you made us read this with our own 2 eyes  
with our… ten eyes  
we have a total of ten rgight

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
arent u supposed to be good at math

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT DID I DO

 **the superior™**  
the skype police is on their way

 **TeruBoi**  
tell your family goodbye

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
dont worry i know a good lawyer

 **CITY BOY**  
SHIT WHAT DID I DOOOO

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
go to jail, do not pass, do not collect $200

 **TeruBoi**  
dont worry  
we gonna bail u out  
cuz u dear 2 me bro

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you dont even KNOW each other

 **TeruBoi**  
IT FEELS LIKE I DO  
we have,,, the same hair colors

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you mean ugly?

 **TeruBoi**  
WHAT THE HELL YAHABA  
I DONT WANNA HEAR THIS FROM SOMEBODY THAT HAS  
2010 JUSTIN BIEBER HAIR

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
how is my hair like justin bieber?!

 **the superior™**  
nice kill terushima

 **CITY BOY**  
I AM SCARED  
WHAT HAVE I DONE  
I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE

 **Akaashi**  
They’re referring to the fact that you used “fuck” instead of “frick”

 **CITY BOY**  
oh  
is that wrong

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
*gasp *

 **TeruBoi**  
akaaaashiiii  
is my hair ugly????

 **Akaashi**  
No, it isn’t.

 **TeruBoi**  
akaashi ur so nice  
what have we done to deserve u  
akaashi protection squad,,,,,

 **Akaashi**  
Please, don’t change your names again.

 **CITY BOY**  
i would never do anything to make u angry akaashi!!!!

 **Akaashi**  
Thank you Yamamoto-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima you can join my protection squad

 **TeruBoi**  
frick u  
no  
nobody forms their OWN protection squad

 **the superior™**  
thats just desperate

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
whose skype name is literally ‘the superior’

 **the superior™**  
says the guy who felt the need to change his name to ‘bigger bamf’ because i had ‘bamf’

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
who wants to bet with me

 **CITY BOY**  
bet on what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
how long do those two need until they get along

 **TeruBoi**  
I’M IN

 **the superior™**  
it won’t happen

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i agree

 **CITY BOY**  
TWO WEEKS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
TWO WEEKS?!??!  
i was gonna say something like three months

 **Akaashi**  
Two months.

 **the superior™**  
et tu, akaashi  
where is ennoshita when you need him

 **TeruBoi**  
ONE MONTH  
WAIT NO  
FOUR

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
why did you go from one to four

 **TeruBoi**  
easy  
youre both tsunderes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hoLY shit  
youre absolutely right

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m not a tsundere

 **CITY BOY**  
OH GOD

 **Akaashi**  
What is a tsundere?

 **the superior™**  
i was about to ask the same

 **CITY BOY**  
DONT U WATCH ANIME

 **the superior™**  
do i look like i watch anime  
okay kawanishi sometimes watches and then i see it too because we live together

 **TeruBoi**  
boy   
open the dictioanay  
search for tsundere  
theres like..  
a picture of u 2

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
“dictioanay”

 **TeruBoi**  
deep inside ur like  
“doki doki oh god terushima senpai noticed me”

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you’re not even my senpai we’re the same age  
i could be older than you

 **CITY BOY**  
TSUNDERE SHIRABU AND YAHABA

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
this is the best thing i read today

 **the superior™**  
i’m going to google it

 **TeruBoi**  
ok but like…   
yahaba is totally a tsundere  
towards his bf

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
okay first of all  
if anyone’s a tsundere, then it would be kyoutani  
not me

 **Akaashi**  
Oh no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
YOU JUST ADMITTED IT

 **CITY BOY**  
i miss ennoshita

 **TeruBoi**  
NOT NOW LOVER BOY

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH LOVE

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i didnt admit anything

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba you literally just admitted kyoutani is your boyfriend  
and that he’s a tsundere

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
we’re not dating! we don’t even like each other

 **TeruBoi**  
oh three tsunderes  
an abundance of tsunderes  
tsundere simulator

 **the superior™**  
i’m back  
and i’m not a tsundere

 **Akaashi**  
What did it say?

 **the superior™**  
“ "Tsundere" is a female character who is usually cold, but she becomes spoony on her lover. Or, she is cold to the main character at first, but she becomes lovestruck later. “  
i’m not even female

 **TeruBoi**  
u r totally missing the point here

 **the superior™**  
also are you implying yahaba is my lover?

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
please its semi

 **the superior™**  
you just said kyoutani is their boyfriend

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
I DID NOT  
MR. AKAASHI SEND HIM TO ENNOSHITAS OFFICE AND HAVE HIM EXPELLED

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
HOLY FRICKING SHIT YAHABA  
DID YOU REALLY JUST

 **TeruBoi**  
i love u  
can i marry u

 **CITY BOY**  
ennoshita is online!

 **TeruBoi**  
NOT NOW LOVER BOY  
im currently proposing 2 my long lost soulmate

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
because i used a meme?  
mattsun and makki told me about it

 **TeruBoi**  
wtf is wrong w u???  
u dont reveal where u find ur dank memes  
thats not how it works

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA

 **ennoshita**  
hi :)

 **Akaashi**  
Hey, Ennoshita-san.

 **TeruBoi**  
ennoshita gr9 ur here  
now we’re all gathered for my and yahabas wedding

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i dont even want to marry you?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he wants to marry kyoutani

 **the superior™**  
wedding of the year

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i don’t deserve this from the wank king

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
dear family and friends

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
dont

 **TeruBoi**  
@ yamamama my bro  
will u be my best man

 **CITY BOY**  
YES

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we have gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of yahaba and terushima

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
wake me up

 **ennoshita**  
what is happening

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
their love has been strong and the memes made is stronger  
now they have decided to live together as husband and wife

 **TeruBoi**  
can i be the wife

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
WHY

 **TeruBoi**  
so ur my,,, SuGARDADDY

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
this isn’t how it works  
why do you always want a sugar daddy

 **TeruBoi**  
ok but im really insulted  
why does nobody want to be my sugardaddy

 **CITY BOY**  
what is a sugar daddy

 **Akaashi**  
You’re better off not knowing, Yamamoto-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
do u terushima take yahaba as ur lawfully wedded husband

 **TeruBoi  
** YES

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i wasn’t finished!

 **the superior™**  
please do continue

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you must be enjoying this

 **the superior™**  
how can you tell 

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i forgot where i was going

 **TeruBoi**  
I SAID YES

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
and will you yahaba

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
NO

 **futakuchi proctection suqad**  
take terushima as ur lawfully wedded wife

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
this must be a yes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i agree

 **CITY BOY**  
THIS IS SO BEAUTIUFL T____T

 **Akaashi**  
Futakuchi-san.

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
finally the voice of reason

 **Akaashi**  
You forgot the part where you ask the audience if there’s a reason for them not to get married

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
ET TU AKAASHI

 **TeruBoi**  
i think we all know by now that akaashi is the devil  
ennoshita is the angel

 **ennoshita**  
thanks?

 **CITY BOY**  
I AGREE

 **the superior™**  
your gay is showing

 **CITY BOY**  
IM NOT GAY

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
if anyone has any probs with teru and yahaba getting married based on memes… speak now or forever hold ur peace

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i never agreed  
how is this legal

 **Akaashi**  
It’s not

 **TeruBoi**  
Ro0D  
ITS LEGAL  
FUTAKUCHI IS CERTIFIED

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i can confirm

 **the superior™**  
somebody invite kyoutani so he can cancel the wedding

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
don’t you dare

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i don’t have his skype name  
ennoshita?

 **ennoshita**  
me neither.

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
you wouldn’t have done it if you had  
… would you

 **CITY BOY**  
SOMEBODY HAS TO KNOW HIM

_**TeruBoi** added **kenkyou** to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS’**_

**bigger bamf yahaba**  
why do you have his skype?!

 **TeruBoi**  
biatch i have everyone   
i’m fame

 **CITY BOY**  
DO YOU HAVE SHIMIZU

 **TeruBoi**  
who is shimizu

 **CITY BOY**  
KARASUNOS FORMER MANAGER

 **TeruBoi**  
no  
why dont u ask ennoshita

 **kenkyou**  
what the fuck is this?

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
just quit the chat

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
no we have to continue the wedding ceremony

 **CITY BOY**  
I CANT JUST ASK ENNOSHITA THAT WOULD FEEL WRONG

 **ennoshita**  
it’s fine you can ask me

 **CITY BOY**  
DO YOU HAVE SHIMIZUS SKYPE CONTACT

 **ennoshita**  
yes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ok @ that mad dog guy

 **kenkyou**  
dont call me that

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we all gathered here to celebrate the wedding of terushima and yahaba  
if anyone has a problem with that speak now or forever hold ur peace

 **kenkyou**  
why am i here?

 **the superior™**  
isn’t that obvious

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
akaashi help

 **Akaashi**  
They want you to speak up, so Yahaba-san doesn’t have to marry Terushima-san

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
wow   
rude

 **TeruBoi**  
i think we ALL established by now that akaashi isnt an angel

 **CITY BOY**  
CAN U GIVE ME HER USERNAME

 **ennoshita**  
NO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
holy shit nfksdnfkjfnvKJS

 **CITY BOY**  
:(((((  
IM SORRY  
I DIDNT WANT TO ASK  
I MEAN I DID  
BUT I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE U ANGRY

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
kyoutani just leave the chat

 **kenkyou**  
what the fuck  
how is this my problem

 **TeruBoi**  
so u dont have a problem with me marrying your bf

 **kenkyou**  
what??!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

 **Akaashi**  
This is the most nerve wracking wedding ceremony

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
i’m glad im entertaining you  
akaashi   
who ive never met  
but i feel like if i do i’d call you a traitor

 **Akaashi**  
I’m sorry

 **the superior™**  
i’m not

_**kenkyou** left ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ’_

**TeruBoi**  
Well that explains it

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA DO YOU HATE ME  
HELLO  
ENNO  
PLS  
I DONT WANT HER SKYPE NAME

 **the superior™**  
i think now comes the kiss

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
oh god what have i done to deserve this  
@ akaashi: i was the only one who didn’t change my username to your name  
you have to have my back

 **Akaashi**  
You’re right, I’m sorry, Yahaba-san  
Cancel the wedding, please.

 **TeruBoi**  
NO  
WHEN COMES THE KISS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
now

 **ennoshita**  
oh my god

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA   
IM SORRY

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i hereby pronounce you as husband and wife  
you may now kiss

 **ennoshita**  
it’s okay, sorry  
i didn’t write the ‘no’ that was tanaka  
he was on my phone and we just talked that’s why i was away

 **TeruBoi**  
give me a kiss yahababe

_**bigger bamf yahaba** is offline_

**TeruBoi**  
HFBDKFNJSDFNJDS

 **the superior™**  
holy   
i bet he’s still online

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
shut up shitabu

 **the superior™**  
this is the best day of my life

 **bigger bamf yahaba**  
your life must be very sad then

 **the superior™**  
shut up terushima shigeru

 **TeruBoi**  
what if i take yahabas name tho

_**TeruBoi** changed to **yahaba yuuji**_

**yahaba yuuji**  
TWO Y’S  
JACKPOT  
*YACKPOT

 **CITY BOY**  
CONGRATS  
ALSO SAY HI TO TANAKA

 **ennoshita**  
BRO U CANT HAVE SHIMIZUS SKYPE NAME  
EVEN /I/ DONT HAVE IT

 **CITY BOY**  
… tanaka????????

 **yahaba yuuji**  
omg karasunos baldy

 **ennoshita**  
FUCNKSNFKS  
WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH THAT PLAYBOY  
I TRUSTED YOU BRO

 **CITY BOY**  
IM SORRY

 **the superior™**  
how does it feel like to be married

_**bigger bamf shirabu** changed to **leave me alone**_

**yahaba yuuji**  
:(  
deny thy father and refuse thy name

 **Akaashi**  
How does that make sense

 **yahaba yuuji**  
it made in my head

 **leave me alone**  
leave me alone

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
don’t be so mean to your wife

 **yahaba yuuji**  
:(

 **leave me alone**  
i’m gone

 **the superior™**  
are you really?

 **ennoshita**  
sorry that was tanaka again  
i have to go! :)

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
:(

 **yahaba yuuji**  
also @ yamamoto forget that baldy  
u have me

 **CITY BOY**  
but hes my BRO

 **yahaba yuuji**  
I M A BETTER BRO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
no you’re not

 **leave me alone**  
i agree

 **the superior™**  
he’s implying you’re a good wife

 **leave me alone**  
HOW

 **the superior™**  
when will you STOP pretending to be offline

 **leave me alone**  
leave me alone

 **yahaba yuuji**  
bro u were just my best man  
u gotta choose me or him

 **CITY BOY**  
I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU

 **yahaba yuuji**  
but it feels like we do

 **CITY BOY**  
i miss ennoshita

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
the gay is showing

 **the superior™**  
when does it not in this group chat

 **CITY BOY**  
I’M NOT??? GAY??

 **the superior™**  
fine  
bi

 **Akaashi**  
You don’t have to label your feelings for Ennoshita, if you don’t want to.

 **CITY BOY**  
AKAAAASHI

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**the superior™**  
somebody give him a talk  
he has to stop denying he’s gay

 **yahaba yuuji**  
HERE I AM!! I WILL DO IT  
POLY PAN TERU  
Ok but,, pan…  
what if i dress up as peter pan

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
???   
what does that have to do with anything  
and no offense  
i’d make the better peter

 **Akaashi**  
I agree. I don’t really know you, but judging from your appearance, Futakuchi-san would make a better Peter Pan

 **yahaba yuuji**  
u hurt me through my doki doki heart  
okbBUT US AS DISNEY CHARACTERS  
yahaba is some disney prince  
i dont even care who just some generic basic prince

 **leave me alone**  
is this how you talk to you husband

 **yahaba yuuji**  
OH SO YOU ACCEPT OUR MARRIAGE

 **the superior™**  
holy shit wont you just go

 **leave me alone**  
shirabu is that clock from beauty and the beast

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima is gaston

 **yahaba yuuji**  
EXCUSE ME

 **Akaashi**  
That would fit.

 **yahaba yuuji**  
IM  
BYE

_**yahaba yuuji** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
akaashi is snow white ;)

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
:(

 **leave me alone**  
serves you right  
for marrying me to terushima

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i really need a protection squad

 **the superior™**  
i’m joining  
for marrying him to terushima

 **leave me alone**  
you’re ganging up against me?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
YES

 **leave me alone**  
i’m gone

 **the superior™**  
i bet he’s just saying it but still reading the chat

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i know hes nasty

 **the superior™**  
3…  
2…  
1…  
where is he

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… gone?

**(CUT)**

* * *

 

 **Terushima Yuuji** changed from ‘single’ to ‘married’  
7th April

>   
> **Akaashi Keiji** , **Shirabu Kenjirou** , **Tsuchiyu Arata** and **83 other people** like this

**Yahaba Shigeru** leave me alone  
 _6 hours ago_ \- **32**  likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** pls accept my request and change ur relationship status  
 _6 hours_ \- **16** likes

 **Yahaba Shigeru** never  
 _6 hours ago_ \- **28** likes

 **Futamata Takeharu** turned down yet again  
 _5 hours ago_ \- **21** likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** shut up u sucked my dick like 2 hours ago  
 _5 hours ago_ \- **43** likes

 **Futamata Takeharu** this is a lie  
 _5 hours ago_ \- **9** likes

 **Futakuchi Kenji** how do you expect yahaba to accept you to be his wife when you cheat on him?  
 _4 hours ago_ - **22** likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** YAHABA IM SORRY BABE  
 _4 hours ago_ \- **8** likes

 **Yahaba Shigeru** leave me alone!  
 _4 hours ago_ \- **12** likes

 **Shirabu Kenjirou** what does it feel like to have a cheating wife  
 _4 hours ago_ \- **13** likes

 **Yahaba Shigeru** what does it feel like to be an unkissed virgin  
 _4 hours ago_ - **38** likes

* * *

 

**(April 8th,**

**7.23pm)**

**the superior™**  
just so you guys know, i’m not an unkissed virgin

 **leave me alone**  
who kissed you  
sure as hell wasnt semi

 **the superior™**   
why would i want semi to kiss me

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
probably for the same reason why yahaba wants mad dogs ass

 **the superior™**  
thank you for the drag futakuchi  
but you also have to be on my side remember

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
oh shit i forgot  
no but seriously haven’t you had your first kiss yet?

_**the superior™** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
holy shit that’s a yes

 **leave me alone**  
i knew it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i want to kiss him

 **leave me alone**  
futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
how tall was he again

 **leave me alone**  
futakuchI NO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
LISTEN

 **leave me alone**  
why would you want to kiss shirabu

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he’s pretty

 **ennoshita**  
hey guys

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ennoshita would agree

 **ennoshita**  
on what?

 **leave me alone**  
futakuchi said shirabu is pretty

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
all setters are pretty  
that is a #fact  
except for our setter  
have you seen koganegawas hair  
what is that

 **leave me alone**  
its an adidas sign on his head

 **ennoshita**  
don’t be so rude

 **leave me alone**  
so does this mean i’m pretty too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba

 **leave me alone**  
yes?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
is ur name oikawa tooru  
or why do u need validation even though you already know it

 **leave me alone**  
ignore that i asked

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
tsundere yahaba is internally freaking out

 **leave me alone**  
i am not  
but thank you

 **ennoshita**  
do you still want my opinion, or?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ok but  
koganegawa has weird ass hair??  
and he already has been kissed  
how can shirabu still be unkissed

 **ennoshita**  
is this what this is about?

 **leave me alone**  
yes

 **CITY BOY**  
HI

 **ennoshita**  
hey :)

 **CITY BOY**  
AHH ENNOSHITA SENT ME A SMILEY  
OH SHIT  
WRONG CHAT

 **leave me alone**  
screenshot taken for the afterworld

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
this is actually adorable  
look how excited he gets over a smiley

 **ennoshita**  
i can send another one

 **leave me alone**  
is this ennoshitas version of flirting

 **CITY BOY**  
REALLY??

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **CITY BOY**  
JUST KIDDIN JUST KIDING  
pls dont tell tanaka about this

 **ennoshita**  
well i have to go anyway!  
i was just online for a short time because i had to google something for homework  
bye :)

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**leave me alone**  
look theres another smiley

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
look this is serious

 **leave me alone**  
what are we even talking about

 **CITY BOY**  
IM SORRY I WAS JUST  
HAPpY BOUT THE SMILEY OKAy  
NO BIG DEAL  
IT WA S CUTE

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thats  
thats not even what i meant

 **CITY BOY**  
… OH  
HOW DO YOU DELETE THIS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m talking about shirabu

 **leave me alone**  
what, you want to kiss him now

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
well  
as his fellow friends we should help him

 **leave me alone**  
shirabu and i are not friends

 **CITY BOY**  
give it time!!  
i used to hate tanaka too!!! AND NOW WE’RE BROS  
i also used to hate terushima BUT HES COOL IN MY BOok NOW TOO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey yamamoto  
have u kissed anyone yet

 **CITY BOY**  
BYE

 **leave me alone**  
this is a no

 **CITY BOY**  
THE ONLY PERSON I WANT TO KISS IS SHIMIZU  
BUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT IS BAD  
I AM NOT WORTHY OF HER

 **leave me alone**  
yeah she’s really cute

 **CITY BOY**  
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED ANYONE

 **yahaba yuuji**  
OH SHIT HERE I AM  
THIS IS IT  
MY TOPIC  
KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE

 **leave me alone**  
when will you change your name?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
when will you, terushima shigeru?

 **CITY BOY**  
ITS NOT A BIG DEAL

 **leave me alone**  
he’s right, it’s not

 **yahaba yuuji**  
but uve had your first kiss right  
i mean,, apart from our cyber kiss 4 the wedding

 **leave me alone**  
of course i had  
i had a girlfriend once

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT   
HOW

 **leave me alone**  
i’m popular :)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he’s probably the next oikawa now that hes captain

 **leave me alone**  
maybe :)

 **yuuji yahaba**  
oKAY YAMAMOTO  
WE’RE BROS NOW  
AND I’LL HELP U OUT  
LETS CALL

_**yuuji yahaba** is calling_

‘Oh no, here we go,’ Yahaba thought to himself before he accepted the call. He didn’t know, what he’s still doing here. He didn’t want to quit the chat, he’d feel like he’d miss out on something. And Oikawa had endured it too, being in a Skype chat with his rival Ushijima.

If Oikawa could do it, so could Yahaba.

His screen showed the other three other windows besides his own. There was Futakuchi, who’s currently eating a lollipop while being on his bed. At least, Yahaba assumed it’s his bed. Then there was Yamamoto, who Yahaba had never seen before. He looked just like in his icon and Facebook picture, broad shoulders, furrowed brows. He was sitting at his table, just like Yahaba and Terushima. The latter one had a headset on and a very low cut neon yellow t-shirt.

“What are you wearing?” is the first thing Yahaba asked.

Of course, Terushima immediately knew he meant him. The boy laughed and stood up to show him his whole outfit. The shirt was so low cut in the front and side, Yahaba would never wear something like that. What’s worse was the text on the front.

“Bro,” Yamamoto whispered, “does this say…”

“’Party with sluts’? Yeah.” Terushima shrugged before sitting down again.

Futakuchi started laughing. “Fuck.” Then, he stopped himself. “We can say ‘fuck’, right?”

Terushima clutched his chest. “No, Futakuchi, we can’t!”

“What are you going to do about it?” Futakuchi asked, with a smirk.

Terushima hesitated, before holding up his hand. “Hold up, this isn’t why we’re here.”

“I don’t even know why we’re here,” Yahaba admitted.

“We’re here for Yamamoto! And Shirabu. But he’s not here,” Terushima explained.

“What about me?” Yamamoto asked.

“You’ve never been kissed,” Futakuchi explained and Yahaba sighed.

“Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that-”

“Oh, fuck off Yahaba, just admit you want to tell us about your girlfriend!” Terushima proclaimed and Yahaba felt his cheek burning.

“I-”

“You just said ‘fuck’,” Yamamoto pointed out and Terushima just stuck out his tongue, showing his tongue piercing. “Holy shit, bro! Is that a tongue piercing?!”

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” Terushima asked and stuck out his tongue even more.

Yahaba sighed. Well, the attention has shifted again. Not that he wanted it… Well.

“Yeah, that’s really cool, dude! Didn’t it hurt?”

“I don’t feel pain!”

“That’s amazing!”

“Okay. I lied, it hurt like a bitch. But,” Terushima leaned back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head, “it was worth it. Do you know how many people have said making out with it feels hella fucking cool?”

“How does it feel like?” Futakuchi asked and Terushima grinned even wider.

“Oh, wouldn’t you want to know?”

“Yes.” Futakuchi smirked too, and Yahaba can’t believe he’s witnessing this.

“I’ll take you up on that offer,” Terushima said, winking. “See you at the next games. Don’t forget it.”

“Oh, trust me, I won’t.”

“You two. Stop flirting,” Yahaba said. He can’t deal with this. On the other hand, with Akaashi and Ennoshita gone, he can finally feel like the voice of reason. The only sane person in the group chat. Especially, because Shirabu wasn’t here either.

“You…” Yamamoto clears his throat. “Uh… you have a lot of experience?”

“Yeah,” Terushima said.

“How? Your pick up lines are horrible,” Yahaba said and Terushima pouted.

“I’m wounded! We’re literally married! We don’t have wedding rings yet, but just _wait_.” Yahaba rolled his eyes. “Okay, but people like this. The bad boy look.”

“Please, you’re all bark and no bite,” Yahaba said.

“Oh, and you’re biting?”

Yamamoto coughed. “Hello! Problem here!”

“Well, it’s not like we can solve your problem right away,” Yahaba said.

“What do you mean?”

“You live in Tokyo and Ennoshita is here.”

Yamamoto’s face turned red and he raised his voice. “What does Ennoshita have to with my problem?!”

“He is your problem,” Futakuchi explained. “Badly worded. Ennoshita’s a good person.”

“A better person than you,” Yahaba agreed.

“Hey, what have I done?”

Yahaba raises his brows and pointed to his screen. “You literally _cyber married_ me to Terushima.”

“Hey! It’s Yahaba!” Terushima shouted. “Yahaba Yuuji.”

Futakuchi chuckled, hands in front of his mouth. “Okay, _fine_. Either way, Yamamoto, you can at least take our advice, so you’ll know what to do once the chance comes.”

“To… k-kiss?” Yamamoto whispered. It was hilarious actually. This buff guy with this dyed mohawk, tick eyebrows and scowl on his face, whispering and getting flustered because he’s thinking about kissing his crush. 

“Yes, Yamamoto. To kiss. Hell, how old are you?” Terushima asked.

“Seventeen. Like you.”

“I turn eighteen in ten days! Yahaba, I expect a gift from my husband.”

“No. Leave me alone.”

“So… how can I be… How do I know what to do?” Yamamoto asked and Yahaba sighed yet again. 

“Okay, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a kiss! Make sure you don’t have bad breath or something before you kiss. Like, don’t eat garlic. Oh, and you should use chapsticks! I always carry one with me, I can tell you the brand it’s really good,” Yahaba started to ramble, but stopped once he saw Futakuchi’s face.

He’s trying hard not to laugh. “I’m sorry, Yahaba, I don’t know why this is so funny to me.”

“I was being helpful! Unlike you two. Do you even really have experience? Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“No,” Terushima admitted. “But I have plenty of experience.”

“I can sadly confirm it. Like I said, I saw him making out with his teammate.”

“Do you have a voyeurism kink, Futakuchi?” Terushiba asked.

“I don’t know, do you?”

“Are they flirting?” Yamamoto asked and Yahaba laughed.

“Forget them. Take my advice. Chapstick. Make sure your breath isn’t bad,” Yahaba listed again and he glared, when he saw Futakuchi’s big grin on his face again. “Okay, Futakuchi. If you think this is so amusing…”

“It is,” the other male agreed.

“You can give him advice then.”

“No, please continue, it’s a delight to listen to,” Futakuchi replied, shaking his head. 

“Who even was _your_ first kiss?”

Futakuchi froze. Yahaba noticed how he hesitates, before he raised his voice again. “Just some girl.”

“Who? Was she your girlfriend? Was she cute?!” Yamamoto immediately shouted, his face getting too close to the webcam.

“She was just some girl from class!” Futakuchi repeated, this time louder and faster, his words becoming a blur.

Tershima smirked. “Futakuchi, when was that?”

Futakuchi answered him, but it’s too quiet for them to hear and Yamamoto shouted at him to say it louder. “It was six years ago, okay?”

“You were like eleven or twelve! That doesn’t even count!” Yahaba said.

“Of course it counts!” Futakuchi snapped.

“No, unless that wasn’t your last kiss,” Terushima said.

“I think it counts. It’s more than I ever had,” Yamamoto murmured, and Yahaba shook his head. He can’t believe Futakuchi had been sitting there with his stupid grin listening to Yahaba’s advice for Yamamoto, when he himself didn’t know better.

Terushima sighed. “Okay, well, then here is the real kissing advice. Futakuchi, write it down, you need it too.”

“I don’t-”

“Cup his face before kissing him. It’s hot. Look him in the eye first and then the lips-”

Yamamoto interrupted him. “’Him’? Why ‘ _him_ ’?!”

“Obviously, that’s advice for you and Ennoshita,” Terushima explained, shrugging. “And Futakuchi… Is pretty gay.”

Futakuchi wanted to say something at first, but he just sighed and let it drop. “True.”

“I don’t want to kiss Ennoshita!”

“You don’t?” Yahaba asked, raising an eyebrow. Yamamoto blushed and Terushima just laughed, before continuing with his kissing advice.

“Anyway. You can ask him if you can kiss him, but that’s boring and just ruins the mood,” Terushima said.

“No, it doesn’t. I think it’s cute and nice,” Yahaba disagreed. “You just say this, because you’re a dick.”

“I’m hurt!” Terushima shouted. “Is this how you talk to your wife?”

“You’re not my wife!”

“I’d ask for a divorce if I wouldn’t love you so much. Plus, what’s a marriage without a lover’s quarrel?”

“A healthy marriage?” Yahaba rolled his eyes, but he also had to hold himself back from smiling.

“I don’t understand,” Yamamoto suddenly chirped in. “Do I ask or not?”

“I think with Ennoshita, you should ask,” Futakuchi said and Yahaba smiles.

“Who said anything of Ennoshita?!” Yamamoto asked again and the other three all groaned at the same time.

“Whatever, just think of the important things. Don’t go too fast! Don’t just smash your lips together. That could hurt. Pay attention, or you’ll smash your foreheads together. Or your nose, or your teeth,” Terushima said.

“That is way too much pressure! It always looks so easy on TV!” Yamamoto complained loudly and groaned. “I don’t even want to kiss anymore!”

“It’s worth it,” Yahaba assured him.

“Oh, yeah, totally worth it. Tilt your head, by the way,” Terushima added.

“You know so much!” Yamamoto said, his eyes wide and in awe. Yahaba scoffed. How can this guy be amazed by _Terushima_?

Terushima laughed, throwing his head back. “Of course I do! Futakuchi, did you take notes? You should totally use my advice.”

“Shut up, Yahaba Yuuji, you’re not my squad mom,” Futakuchi snapped.

“Squad mom,” Yamamoto repeated, while Yahaba at the same time shouts: “Don’t call him that!”

“I like the sound of it. Ennoshita and Akaashi totally are squad moms. Or like, you know, MILFs,” Terushima agreed and now Yamamoto is the one shouting.

“Oh my god, you can’t be attracted to your own mom!”

Yahaba and Futakuchi just laughed at their exchange. This wasn’t that bad. Sure, they were all kind of obnoxious, but he had to admit, the group chat wasn’t as bad as he first thought it would be. He didn’t know Akaashi or Yamamoto, but they seemed to be amusing, especially the latter.

And yes, he secretly kind of enjoyed his bickering with Shirabu. He’d never admit it though, especially because Watari already made fun of him for liking to bicker with Kyoutani. Not that Yahaba ever admitted it to his friend either, but Watari can read him too well sometimes.

“Yamamoto, you’re my fucking hero,” Futakuchi said, still laughing and Yahaba had to agree.

“You are attracted to Ennoshita too!” Terushima reminded him.

“He’s- he’s not my _real_ mom!”

“He isn’t mine either!”

“Ennoshita is online,” Yamamoto suddenly whispered. “What should I do?”

So, he finally admitted he liked him? 

“Talk him!” Futakuchi urged him to. “We should end this call anyway, I still have to go somewhere.”

“But what do I say?”

“Bro, it’s not that hard. You can keep texting me and ask me for advice.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you!”

This guy is anything but the image his appearance gives. He’s actually really adorable, especially when it came to his crush on Karasuno’s current captain. They say their goodbyes and end the Skype call and Yahaba logs out for the day. It really wasn’t that bad. Maybe because Shirabu wasn’t there.

He wonders if Oikawa had to deal with these kind of things in their group chat too. Yahaba decides to ask him the next time he sees their former captain.


	3. shrek you in pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yahaba yuuji**  
>  OH MY GOD  
> BJ = BANANA JUICE
> 
>  **ennoshita**  
>  well he’s not really wrong
> 
>  **yahaba yuuji**  
>  the fuck i thought ur the pure one
> 
>  **CITY BOY**  
>  whats SO FUNNY ABOUT BANANA JUICE?
> 
>  **ennoshita**  
>  it’s the banana that counts
> 
>  **Akaashi**  
>  Or the juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i'm SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG  
> reason???? i just. didnt have any inspiration. i felt like this chapter is weak too... so if any of u want to help me and be like idk the co writer pls hmu[ @ tumblr ](aegontargaryen.tumblr.com)

**(April 18th**

**12:01 am)**

**CITY BOY**  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 **yahaba yuuji**  
BRO  
DID YOU  
STAY AWAKE JUST FOR THIS  
IM SO FUCKING TOUCHED MAN  
NOT EVEN MY BFF DID THIS FOR ME  
HE FELL ASLEEP

 **CITY BOY**  
OF COURSE I DID !!!!  
YOURE EIGHTEEN!!!!!!

 **yahaba yuuji**  
I KNOW!!! ISNT IT COOL!!!!  
IM AN ADULT

 **CITY BOY**  
ur not legal

 **yahaba yuuji**  
YAMAMOTO GOD DAMN IT LET ME HAVE THI S ONE

 **CITY BOY**  
IM SRRY  
HAPPY BRITHDAY AGAIN I GOTTA GO TO SLEEP NOW  
MORNING PRACTICE TOMORROW!!!!

 **yahaba yuuji**  
THANK U SO MUCH THO  
now wheres my husband  
@shigeru if that one dude form tokyo who ive never met can stay awake 4 me so can u

 **leave me alone**  
don’t call me shigeru

 **yahaba yuuji**  
HOLY SHIT UR ONLINE

 **leave me alone**  
yes  
but at what price

 **yahaba yuuji**  
we’re getting salty here

 **leave me alone**  
happy birthday

 **yahaba yuuji**  
awww thanks babe  <3333

 **leave me alone**  
i’m going to sleep now

 **yahaba yuuji**  
shigeru?

 **leave me alone**  
terushima, we’re not that close for you to call me by my first name

 **yahaba yuuji**  
binch we’re married  
anyway i want smth for my birthday

 **leave me alone**  
…  
what

 **yahaba yuuji**  
cant you guess?

 **leave me alone**  
fine. for one day

_**leave me alone** changed to **terushima shigeru**_

**yahaba yuuji**  
HOLY MOLY I LVOE YOU

 **terushima shigeru**  
i hate this  
shitabu is having a field day

 **yahaba yuuji**  
and so am i  
somehow i think yahaba yuuji and terushima shigeru  
sound even better than our real names

 **terushima shigeru**  
no?  
actually not?  
anyway good night

**(CUT)**

* * *

 

**(4.01pm)**

**the superior™**  
happy birthday yahaba

 **terushima shigeru**  
it’s not my birthday

 **the superior™**  
i wasn’t talking to you, terushima shigeru

 **terushima shigeru**  
frick you

 **the superior™**  
:)

 **Akaashi**  
Happy Birthday, Terushima-san  
Or should I call you…

 **terushima shigeru**  
hoe dont do it

 **Akaashi**  
Yahaba-san

 **terushima shigeru**  
oh my god

 **yahaba yuuji**  
THIS IS WHY I MARRIED YOU  
MY MEME HUSBAND

 **terushima shigeru**  
i was around mattsun and makki for too long

 **yahaba yuuji**  
who r they

 **the superior™**  
does it matter?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
idk they sound like my parents in law

 **terushima shigeru**  
terushima i swear to god

 **yahaba yuuji**  
u can call me yuuji :)

 **terushima shigeru**  
i’m going to ignore this because it’s your birthday

 **ennoshita**  
happy birthday terushima!!!!! :)

 **yahaba yuuji**  
thank u ennoshita!!!!

 **Akaashi**  
Did you get something nice for your birthday?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
one bj from my bfs  
just kidding

 **the superior™**  
why do i have a feeling you weren’t

 **yahaba yuuji**  
;)  
jk i didn’t just got one

 **Akaashi**  
Oh my god

 **terushima shigeru**  
i don’t want to know

 **the superior™**  
what does “bj” mean  
oh

 **CITY BOY**  
I DONT GET IT

 **the superior™**  
banana juice  
wait

 **Akaashi**  
Did you just

 **yahaba yuuji**  
OH MY GOD  
BJ = BANANA JUICE

 **ennoshita**  
well he’s not really wrong

 **yahaba yuuji**  
the fuck i thought ur the pure one

 **CITY BOY**  
whats SO FUNNY ABOUT BANANA JUICE?

 **ennoshita**  
it’s the banana that counts

 **Akaashi**  
Or the juice

 **the superior™**  
you’re disgusting

 **terushima shigeru**  
for once i agree with shitabu  
but as the wank king i don’t really think you’re that disgusted

 **CITY BOY**  
I DON’T GET IT?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
@ ennoshita: go explain it 2 him

 **ennoshita**  
no thank you

 **CITY BOY**  
ennoshita :((((

 **yahaba yuuji**  
ur the squad mom wtf  
ok akaashi  
go have a talk with him

 **terushima shigeru**  
no  
i have a feeling akaashi would actually explain it

 **Akaashi**  
:)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what the frick did i miss

 **the superior™**  
banana juice discourse

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
…. anyway  
happy birthday

 **yahaba yuuji**  
thank s bro  <3  
i’ll be ur first kiss don worry

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
do u think bc its ur birthday u can get away with anything?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
yes

 **terushima shigeru**  
look, i changed my name for him i think it’s true

 **the superior™**  
maybe the mad dog will be jealous and you benefit from it

 **terushima shigeru**  
…

 **CITY BOY**  
YAHABA I SENT U A SNAP

 **terushima shigeru**  
no?

 **CITY BOY**  
i meant terushima

 **terushima shigeru**  
i hate this

 **yahaba yuuji**  
bro that was so fcking cute  
he sent me a video im so emo rn  
when will ur fav ever

 **CITY BOY**  
:D  
also whats up with banana juice now  
i LOVE banana juice

 **ennoshita**  
yamamoto no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SHIT

 **terushima shigeru**  
screenshot

 **CITY BOY**  
does nobody else like banana juice

 **yahaba yuuji  
** i do  
i mfckng love banana juice

 **the superior™**  
you’re disgusting

 **terushima shigeru**  
i think semi would be disappointed

 **Akaashi**  
Oh my god

 **CITY BOY**  
???  
does semi like banana juice or why

 **yahaba yuuji**  
well its his banana juice

 **ennoshita**  
please……

 **terushima shigeru**  
maybe being married to you isn’t that bad

 **the superior™**  
i hate the both of you

 **CITY BOY**  
does he make his own banana juice

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kinda  
we all kinda do

 **CITY BOY**  
i dont

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ask ennoshita he’ll make it for u

 **CITY BOY**  
???

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
dont hate me

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **yahaba yuuji**  
boi mom is mad

 **the superior™**  
i’m done with you all

_**the superior™** is offline_

**Akaashi**  
Yamamoto-san, we’re not talking about actual banana juice.

 **CITY BOY**  
HOW

 **yahaba yuuji**  
listen if u shake ur banana enough u get the juice

 **terushima shigeru**  
terushima stop

 **yahaba yuuji**  
sHAke my BAnANa

 **CITY BOY**  
wouldnt that be banana milkshake though

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
I’M SSCREAMING FRICK

 **yahaba yuuji**  
… tru

 **Akaashi**  
We’re talking about semen

 **yahaba yuuji**  
GOD DAMN IT AKAASHI IT WAS GETTING GOOD

 **CITY BOY**  
… OH  
BUT  
Oh  
why were you saying ennoshita would make it for me  
oh

 **ennoshita**  
oh my god

 **CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA WHAT THE HELL

 **yahaba yuuji**  
BYE GOTTA GO CELEBRATE MY BDAY

_**yahaba yuuji** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
sorry ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
you didn’t do anything wrong don’t worry

 **CITY BOY**  
i can’t drink this banana juice anymore

 **terushima shigeru**  
???

 **CITY BOY**  
THE TALK ABOUT BANANA JUICE MADE ME WANNA DRINK BANANA JUICE  
SO I BOGUTH SOME AND NOW  
I CANT

 **Akaashi**  
I’m sorry to hear that

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
maybe ennoshita wants to drink your banana juice for you

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi i swear to god  
this is strike two

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
sorry i just couldnt help it  
i saw the opportunity and HAD to take it

 **CITY BOY**  
I hate u guys  
i can never drink banana juice anymore

 **Akaashi**  
Somebody’s going to be disappointed

 **ennoshita**  
akaashi i trusted you

 **terushima shigeru**  
oh my God

 **CITY BOY**  
CAN WE STOP THIS BANANA JUICE DISCOURSE

 **ennoshita**  
please

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… fine

 **terushima shigeru**  
guess i can change back

_**terushima shigeru** changed to **yahababe**_

**(CUT)**

* * *

 

**(May 6th**

**6.54 pm)**

**futakuchi protection squad**  
hey shirabu are you online

 **the superior™**  
yes  
why?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i heard about something  
needed it confirmed

 **the superior™**  
what is it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
is it tru ushiwaka is a farmer

 **the superior™**  
… what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
u heard me  
is it true ur former captain is a farmer

 **yahababe**  
!! i heard that too

 **the superior™**  
where did you hear that from

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ur mom

 **the superior™**  
your mom jokes  
very creative  
and no he isn’t, his family just owns one

 **yahaba yuuji**  
BOI!!!!!

 **the superior™**  
oh no

 **yahaba yuuji**  
HES A FUCKING FARMER

 **the superior™**  
i just said he isn’t

 **yahaba yuuji**  
HOW CAN I LIVE WITH THIS INFORMATION

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
why?

 **yahaba yuuji**  
hes daddy material but now… i cant  
the kink is gone,…  
how am i supposed to thirst after a fkcng farmer

 **yahababe**  
…  
but consider this:  
farm kink

 **yahaba yuuji**  
FRICK

 **the superior™**  
no.

 **yahaba yuuji**  
this is why we’re married

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
“talk farm to me”  
“mow my ass”

 **yahaba yuuji**  
“h o t”

 **yahababe**  
hahahahaha

 **the superior™**  
do not

 **yahaba yuuji**  
chokers with those cow bells  
“moo”  
*NUTS *

 **yahababe**  
i support this

 **the superior™**  
i hate you guys so much

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
RIDE MY DICK LIKE YOUD RIDE A TRACTOR

 **yahababe**  
plant ur seed in me

 **yahaba yuuji**  
yEEhaw!!!!

 **the superior™**  
…

 **yahaba yuuji**  
“bae pls plant ur seed in me my crops are dying”

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
instead of eating ass  
he eats grass

 **yahababe**  
holding a hoe  
get it  
a hoe

 **the superior™**  
i’m done with you all

 **yahababe**  
did we make you mad

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi  
you’re supposed to be on my side

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
oh

_**the superior™is** offline_

**yahaba yuuji**  
SHIT SHIRABU  
BABY COME BACK ILY

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… shirabu :(

 **yahababe**  
:)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m sorry  
shirabu?

 **Akaashi**  
Well, you’re idiots

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
do you think he hates us now?

 **yahababe**  
he hated me before already

 **yahaba yuuji**  
BUT WE LOVE HIM

 **Akaashi**  
Apologize

 **yahaba yuuji**  
WE JUST DID

 **Akaashi**  
All of you.

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba

 **yahababe**  
no

 **yahaba yuuji**  
YAHABA

 **yahababe**  
…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
pls i’ll annul the marriage

 **yahababe**  
really?

 **Akaashi**  
Why do we suddenly act like the marriage is real now

 **yahaba yuuji**  
shhh it is

 **yahababe**  
fine  
i’m sorry shirabu

 **the superior™**  
this is kawanishi i’d like you to know he only quit the chat because he felt bad for laughing

 **yahaba yuuji**  
SHIT  
I LOVE YOU SHIRABU  
SHIRABABE

 **yahababe**  
annul the wedding

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
fine  
terushima change ur name

 **yahaba yuuji**  
yall so mean

_**yahaba yuuji** changed to **TeruBoi**_

**TeruBoi**  
HERE  
ARE YOU ALL HAPPY

 **yahababe**  
YES!  
finally

 **TeruBoi**  
:’(  
i feel betrayed  
i have never done anything wrong in my life

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, Terushima-san

 **TeruBoi**  
THIS IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY  
“I KNOW THIS AND I LOVE YOU”

 **yahababe**  
we dont know this and we don’t love you

 **TeruBoi**  
blocked and reported

 **CITY BOY**  
I KNOW THIS AND I LOVE YOU

 **TeruBoi**  
THERE HE IS  
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON U

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT HAPPENED

 **TeruBoi**  
we made a farm kink meme  
and shirabu got sad sad  
but actually was laughing

 **the superior™**  
i was not i would never

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
leave shirabu alone

 **Akaashi**  
Are you serious?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we belong together

 **yahababe**  
why  
because both of you never kissed anyone?

 **TeruBoi**  
OOOHHH BURN

 **CITY BOY**  
…

 **TeruBoi**  
its ok yamamoto ur one of us even if ur a pure soul too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i hate you terushima

 **the superior™**  
terushima hate squad

 **TeruBoi**  
like if u cry everytim  </333 :’(

 **CITY BOY**  
dont worry i still like u bro

 **TeruBoi**  
<<3333

 **the superior™**  
he’s the only one

 **TeruBoi**  
akaashi likes me

 **Akaashi**  
How would you know?

 **TeruBoi**  
“akaashi is mean”  
u want that again?

 **Akaashi**  
Nevermind, I like Terushima

 **ennoshita**  
well you can be annoying but you’re not that bad

 **CITY BOY**  
what about me?

 **ennoshita**  
:)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
fnjskdnfdkfn  
emoji zoned

 **CITY BOY**  
what doeS THAT EVEN MEAN

 **yahababe**  
:)

 **CITY BOY**  
is this some … innuendo again

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you know what an innuendo is?  
:)

 **the superior™**  
:)

 **CITY BOY**  
STOP

 **TeruBoi**  
DONT BE SO MEAN TO MY BRO

—

 **CITY BOY**  
ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
yes?

 **CITY BOY**  
what does the ‘:)’ mean?

 **ennoshita**  
is this why you messaged me in the private chat

 **CITY BOY**  
…  
no

 **ennoshita**  
.

 **CITY BOY**  
OK

 **ennoshita**  
don’t worry yamamoto  
i like you

 **CITY BOY**  
REALLY

 **ennoshita**  
i wouldnt snap with you every day if i wouldnt

 **CITY BOY**  
AH THATS COOL

_____

 **CITY BOY**  
its fine im fine

 **TeruBoi**  
rlly bro?

 **CITY BOY**  
yes !!

 **ennoshita**  
i never would’ve thought you two would get along that well

 **TeruBoi**  
WHy

 **ennoshita**  
but i’m glad :)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
petition to ban “:)”

 **Akaashi**  
We already banned that other word, we can’t ban yet another one

 **yahababe**  
i still cant believe we banned the f word

 **the superior™**  
why are we even doing it

 **TeruBoi**  
because its nasty and bad!!

 **the superior™**  
you literally just talked about a farming kink

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nothing wrong with a farming kink

 **the superior™**  
there’s nothing wrong with the f word

 **yahababe**  
then say it

 **the superior™**  
no

 **Akaashi**  
Why not?

 **the superior™**  
…  
you do it then

 **CITY BOY**  
I DONT WANNA GO TO SKYPE JAIL AGAIN

 **TeruBoi**  
ndkfkfg skype jail lololol

 **yahababe**  
petition to ban ‘lol’

 **the superior™**  
petition to ban yahaba

 **yahababe**  
listen here you little shit

 **ennoshita**  
guys

 **CITY BOY**  
NO MORE BANS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
petition for freedom of speech

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, go ahead then  
Say the F-word

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… frick you i wont

 **TeruBoi**  
the big bad™

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i cant believe it happened bc of u

 **TeruBoi**  
what is that supposed to mean

 **ennoshita**  
you can’t guess?

 **yahababe**  
terushima

 **TeruBoi**  
yes babe???

 **yahababe**  
you’re a

 **the superior™**  
whats gonna come

 **yahababe**  
frick boy

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
OOHHHHHHH  
nice kill yahaba

 **ennoshita**  
that one was actually good

 **Akaashi**  
I agree

 **TeruBoi**  
YOURE ALL SO MEAN TO ME  
IM A GOOD PERSON

 **CITY BOY**  
I AGREE  
except for that one time u hit on shimizu-san

 **TeruBoi**  
oh my god thaTS YEARS AGO

 **yahababe**  
change your name to frick boy

 **TeruBoi**  
frick you

 **Akaashi**  
Please.

 **TeruBoi**  
akaashi is no 1 traitor

 **ennoshita**  
come on do it

 **the superior™**  
i have to admit that this one really was good despite it coming from yahaba

 **yahababe**  
did anybody hear something

 **the superior™**  
.

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
leaf him olone  
im here for u shitabu  
*shirabu

 **yahababe**  
hahahhaa

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i swear it was an accident  
the r is right next to the t

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi i swear to god  
i’m leaving your protection squad

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ruDE

 **TeruBoi**  
WHY are yahaba and shirabu always so mean :/  
oh and akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
What have I done to you?

 **TeruBoi**  
what havent u  
u burned my crops  
killed my family  
destroyed my village

 **CITY BOY**  
akaashi would never do that

 **TeruBoi**  
he thinks im a frick boy :(

 **ennoshita**  
to be fair, you kind of are

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ennoshita  
marry me

 **CITY BOY**  
NO HE WONT

 **yahababe**  
why that yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
uh  
because  
WELL  
gay marriage isnt legal in japan????

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
didn’t stop yahaba and terushima

 **yahababe**  
futakuchi i swear to fricking god

 **ennoshita**  
don’t worry i won’t marry futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
why  
are u… *makes football throwing motion* straight?

 **Akaashi**  
What does this even mean

 **TeruBoi**  
footballers are gay as frick

 **ennoshita**  
no i’m not straight

 **CITY BOY**  
you’re not???

 **yahababe**  
is anyone even straight

 **TeruBoi**  
PRAISE

 **CITY BOY**  
i am

 **Akaashi**  
Yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
maybe not?

 **ennoshita**  
well that’s nice

 **CITY BOY**  
really?  
why??

 **ennoshita**  
uh i don’t know

 **TeruBoi**  
oh my gawd

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
im glad you finally admit it yamamoto

 **TeruBoi**  
OK WHEN WAS YALLS GAY AWAKENING

 **yahababe**  
i know when shirabus was

 **the superior™**  
oh really

 **yahababe**  
yeah really

 **the superior™**  
do tell

 **yahababe**  
probably in middle school when he saw ushiwaka on court

 **the superior™**  
…

 **TeruBoi**  
I’M SCREAMING  
HE CANT SAY ANYTHING BC ITS TRUE

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bfsjdbfjdfbfg

 **Akaashi**  
It’s okay, I’m sure Ushiwaka-san would be flattered

 **the superior™**  
when was yours then yahaba  
not with your captain

 **yahababe**  
god no i’d never have a thing for oikawa

 **TeruBoi**  
WELL i was rlly gay for my captain

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
who AREN’T you gay for

 **TeruBoi**  
yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **TeruBoi**  
just kidding just kidding

 **yahababe**  
i don’t know actually ive always known i’m bi?

 **TeruBoi**  
same  
pan af  
the sky is ur limit

 **the superior™**  
so you would not frick an alien

 **TeruBoi**  
listen here  
if its jar jar binks no  
if its i dunno  
uhura then yes

 **ennoshita**  
is uhura an alien?

 **Akaashi**  
I don’t think you

 **the superior™**  
have none of you ever watch star trek

 **yahababe**  
i can’t believe none of you ever watched star trek

 **CITY BOY**  
pew pew  
I’ve watched it!!!

 **yahababe**  
good  
i don’t want to be the only one who has something in common with shirabu

 **Akaashi**  
I have to go now, Bokuto-san and I are meeting up

 **CITY BOY**  
SAY HI TO HIM FROM ME

 **ennoshita**  
and from me!

 **TeruBoi**  
i dont know him but same here

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, goodbye

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**yahababe**  
isnt it like 9pm

 **the superior™**  
he has a very late night date

 **TeruBoi**  
*sobs _*_  they grow up so quick

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i thought he’s the squad mom

 **TeruBoi**  
ennoshita is the squad mom  
akaashi is like… the salty wine aunt  
im the vodka aunt

 **yahababe**  
no you’re the baby that wont stop crying

 **TeruBoi**  
R00D  
bro yamamotooo

 **CITY BOY**  
YEAH

 **TeruBoi**  
wanna face chat

 **CITY BOY**  
OK WHY

 **TeruBoi**  
im sad and they hurt my feelings

 **ennoshita**  
oh you face chat?

 **TeruBoi**  
have been a lot lately tbh

 **yahababe**  
a mistake

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
the iq is lowered

 **TeruBoi**  
my iq is high u frick on a stick

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what does that even mean

 **TeruBoi**  
i dont kno it rhymed

 **the superior™**  
how the hell are you one of johzenji’s smartest students

 **TeruBoi**  
trust me my bfs ask me that too

 **yahababe**  
what does that even mean

 **TeruBoi**  
bruh my vb team

 **yahababe**  
why do you call them your boyfriends

 **TeruBoi**  
we’re datin

 **yahababe**  
… he’s kidding right

 **CITY BOY**  
NO!! i met one of them the other day we talked over the phone!

 **TeruBoi**  
yahaba my dear  
ever heard of polyamorous relationships

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **TeruBoi**  
jackpot ding

 **the superior™**  
are you telling me youre dating your entire team

 **TeruBoi**  
no just the 3rd yrs  
the entire team thatd be  
crazy  
theyre baBIES

 **ennoshita**  
that sounds nice  
i mean not that they’re babies  
but that you have so many boyfriends :)

 **CITY BOY**  
he gets a lot of love

 **TeruBoi**  
SOMEBODYS JEALOUS

 **the superior™**  
how the fuck did you manage to convince so many people youre good enough to date

 **TeruBoi**  
rude  
what is it today  
wreck terushima day

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes  
365 days of the year  
wreck u

 **TeruBoi**  
shrek u

 **the superior™**  
what is shrek

_**yahababe** sent a picture_

**yahababe**  
you

 **TeruBoi**  
that makes u fiona

 **the superior™**  
who is fiona

_**yahababe** sent a picture_

**yahababe**  
not me

 **the superior™**  
how would you know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME

 **TeruBoi**  
BOI

 **the superior™**  
i don’t get it

 **TeruBoi**  
WE NEED TO HAVE LIKE  
A SHREK MOVIES MARATHON

 **ennoshita**  
terushima, no

 **CITY BOY**  
I LOVE THAT MOVIE

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we need to vote

 **TeruBoi**  
everyone in favor for shrek marathon say ‘aye’

 **CITY BOY**  
AYE

 **TeruBoi**  
aye

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
aye

 **the superior™**  
aye

 **ennoshita**  
… what

 **the superior™**  
i’ve never watched the movie

 **yahababe**  
just look at your life  
that’s it that’s the movie

 **the superior™**  
i’m going to shrek you in pieces

 **TeruBoi**  
ndksnfdfnfgk

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ennoshita? yahaba?

 **yahaba**  
nay

 **ennoshita**  
i vote for no sorry  
i bet akaashi would vote no too

 **TeruBoi**  
WE’LL SEE ENNOSHITA  
NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOURE IN THE SWAMP^TM

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shrek movie night shrek movie night

 **CITY BOY**  
SHREK MOVIE NIGHT

 **yahababe**  
i’m going offline good night

 **the superior™**  
i hope akaashi says yes

 **TeruBoi**  
ur so ooc  
_*_ whispers _*_  i love u

 **Akaashi**  
I will say yes  
If you change your name to Frick Boy

 **TeruBoi**  
AKAASHI  
FINE

_**TeruBoi** changed to **Frick Boi**_

**Frick Boi**  
are u happy

 **Akaashi**  
Yes, I am, thank you Terushima-san  
I have to get back now Bokuto is wating for me  
We’ll discuss when to watch the movie another time

 **yahababe**  
i cant believe akaashi wants to watch shrek  
i cant believe we were outvoted

 **Akaashi**  
I’ve never watched the movie, so I’m curious

 **ennoshita**  
… well i guess we have to do it then

**(CUT)**

* * *

 

( **May 8th**  
**4.23pm** )

 **Frick Boi**  
OK CAN I CLICK PLAY??

 **ennoshita**  
yeah i’m ready

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
same

 **yahababe**  
unfortunately

 **the superior™**  
yes

 **Akaashi**  
Do it

 **TeruBoi**  
BRING IT ON

 **CITY BOY  
** OK

___

 **the superior™**  
what the hell is that

 **yahababe**  
shrek

 **TeruBoi**  
you saw the picture didn’t you

 **the superior™**  
yes but  
what the hell  
who thought this is a good idea

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
it’s called an ogre

 **the superior™**  
it’s called ugly

 **CITY BOY**  
DONT BE SO RUDE TO SHREK  
hes a good person

 **the superior™**  
he farted and killed a bunch of fishes

 **Akaashi**  
Do you never eat fish?

 **the superior™**  
i don’t fart to get fish

 **yahababe**  
we’ll never know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
are you implying shirabu farts to kill fish

 **yahababe**  
that’s what you said

 **the superior™**  
stop

____

Frick Boi  
**“YOU AND ME GREEN FIGHT MACHINE”**  
that quote  
tattoo it on my forehead

 **CITY BOY**  
AND ON MINE

 **ennoshita**  
please dont get any weird ideas

____

 **Frick Boi**  
NOW COMES  
THE BEST SCENE IN CINEMATIC HISTORY

 **ennoshita**  
… excuse

 **CITY BOY**  
FARQUAAD

 **yahababe**  
look he’s just as short as shirabu

 **Akaashi**  
Stop being so rude to Shirabu

 **the superior™**  
thank you akaashi

 **Frick Boi**  
CAN WE CALL OUR GROUP THE FARSQUAAD

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i hate you so much

 **CITY BOY**  
THE MUFFIN MAN  
THE MUFFIN MAN!??!?!  
THE MUFFIN MAN

_**Frick Boi** changed the title from ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ’ to ‘ **THE FARSQUAAD** ’_

______

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
“some of you might die, but it’s a sacrifice i’m willing to make”  
this line is  
genius

 **yahababe**  
futakuchi in a nutshell

 **Frick Boi**  
NUT shell

 **Akaashi**  
Terushima, no

_____

 **ennoshita**  
this movie is a mess  
but i dig the soundtrack

_____

 **the superior™**  
is he eating an onion  
is he just biting in an onion

 **yahababe**  
he is an OGRE  
you dont question that but you question that he eats an entire onion

 **Frick Boi**  
LAYERS  
ONIONS HAVE LAYERS

 **CITY BOY**  
OGRES HAVE LAYERS

 **the superior™**  
what does that even mean

______

 **Akaashi**  
Can’t he just get himself a new swamp?  
I would never go into that castle

 **Frick Boi**  
akaashI doNT RUin THE MOVIE  
also u dont know how the economy is  
maybe there are no other swamps

 **ennoshita**  
maybe he’s emotionally attached to his swamp

 **yahababe**  
he probably grew up in that swamp  
we never find out what happened to his family i think  
maybe it’s the only place where he has memories of his family

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
guys…  
don’t pull this emotional shit on me

 **Akaashi**  
I’m sorry I didn’t take that into account, you’re right

 **the superior™**  
what the hell are you all serious

 **Frick Boi**  
i’m sad now

_____

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t believe the hobbit (2012) copied shrek (2001)

 **Frick Boi**  
BFKSDBFJDSbfjsd i fricking love you

 **CITY BOY**  
OH my God

_____

 **the superior™**  
is he flirting with the dragon

 **Akaashi**  
is that considered bestiality

 **the superior™**  
it’s wrong, that’s what it is

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
it’s love, that’s what it is

 **the superior™**  
i am disgusted

_____

 **Frick Boi**  
hey shirabu  
ur fiona

 **the superior™**  
why

 **Frick Boi**  
because you’re waiting for the true loves first kiss :)

 **the superior™**  
frick you

 **CITY BOY**  
I AM FIONA

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
well that works too

 **Akaashi**  
Is an ogre and a human bestiality

 **yahababe**  
what is it with you and bestiality

 **Akaashi**  
Asking for a friend

 **yahababe**  
WHAT FRIEND

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SHREK

 **Frick Boi**  
FNJKDnfdnkFKSD  
oh my God  
“men of farquaad’s stature are in short supply”  
he just made a height joke  
But it couLD Also Be

 **the superior™**  
do not

 **Frick Boi**  
A DICk JOKE

 **yahababe**  
well i’m sure shrek is

 **the superior™**  
do not

 **yahababe**  
much more packed than farquaad

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SHREK IS HUNG I KNOW IT

 **ennoshita**  
why are you like this

 **Frick Boi**  
SHREK HAS A MONSTER DONG

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
a man of my liking

 **Frick Boi**  
tasty green thang

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t believe this

 **the superior™**  
has anyone noticed that shrek has a big mouth

 **yahababe**  
what that mouth do

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i bet he’s into vore

 **yahababe**  
i’m kinkshaming shrek

 **CITY BOY**  
what is vore

 **ennoshita**  
what is vore

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you dont want to know

 **Frick Boi**  
HOLY SHIT  
I LOVE YALL

 **the superior™**  
i hate you all

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
no u dont

 **Akaashi**  
I just googled vore and I can’t believe this  
Don’t google it

 **ennoshita**  
shit i just did it too i hate this

 **CITY BOY**  
wait let me

 **ennoshita**  
please don’t do it

 **CITY BOY**  
why

 **ennoshita**  
better this way

 **Frick Boi**  
listen to mom

 **CITY BOY**  
ok :/

_____

 **the superior™**  
shreks finger is about the size of fionas arm

 **yahababe**  
why are you paying so much attention to shreks anatomy

 **the superior™**  
i think they’re going to end up together  
how

 **Frick Boi**  
hes gonna shrek fiona in half

 **the superior™**  
her face is literally the size of his nose

_____

 **Akaashi**  
So Shrek and Fiona are a thing now

 **ennoshita**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
how  
hes going to shrek her

 **yahababe**  
can you stop with that pun

 **CITY BOY**  
they fit each other

 **the superior™**  
but he doesnt fit in HER

 **Frick Boi**  
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEIR ANATOMY AND WTACH THE FRICKING MOVIE

 **the superior™**  
i am concerned

 **Akaashi**  
I am too, but somehow they’re a nice couple

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i ogre

 **yahababe**  
did you just

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
:)

 **the superior™**  
FIONA IS A SHREK

 **ennoshita**  
the political correct term is an ogre

 **the superior™**  
this plot twist wow  
so this is how their anatomy is going to work

 **Frick Boi**  
STOP THINKING ABOUT OGRE SEX  
WHAT IS THIS  
DO YOU HAVE A SHREK FETISH

 **Akaashi**  
A shretish

 **CITY BOY**  
SHRETISH

 **the superior™**  
i hate you  
but i have another question

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… fine go ahead

 **the superior™**  
why doesnt her dress rip when she transforms

 **yahabab** e  
obviously the dress is extra for transformations  
it’s stretchy  
she’s been this way all her life  
she’s prepared

 **the superior™**  
okay shrek expert

 **yahababe**  
okay shretishist

______

 **CITY BOY**  
THIS IS SO SAD  
JUST KISS EACH OTHER :(

 **Akaashi**  
They freed the dragon

 **Frick Boi**  
dragon x donkey =  <3333

 **the superior™**  
how does that work

 **yahababe**  
s t o p

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its disney it doesnt have to make sense

 **ennoshita**  
it’s dreamworks

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
same thing

 **ennoshita**  
:O the audacity

 **the superior™**  
i love how shreks ears go down when he’s sad  
anatomy done right

 **yahababe**  
something is clearly wrong in your shretish head

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
fbsjfdbfjfg

 **the superior™**  
OKAY YOU SAID HER DRESS IS STRETCHY BECAUSE SHE’S USED TO TRANSFORMING INTO AN OGRE  
HOW DOES HER WEDDING STRETCH  
ITS NOT HER DRESS AND THEY DONT KNOW SHE’S AN OGRE

 **Frick Boi**  
HE HAS A POINT  
HUH YAHABA WHAT U SAYIN IN UR DEFENSE

 **yahababe**  
… it’s disney it doesn’t have to make sense

 **ennoshita**  
IT’S DREAMWORKS

 **CITY BOY**  
THEY KISSED  
AWWW

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
well i guess thats cute

 **Frick Boi**  
dont worry futakuchi u’ll get that too one day

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima was a mistake

 **the superior™**  
she turned back?  
oh no she’s still an ogre  
good

 **Akaashi**  
The movie is nice  
It has a nice message  
If only you guys wouldn’t have brought up this Shretish

 **the superior™**  
it’s a mess

 **Frick Boi**  
a GOOD mess

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
admit it shirabu, you like the movie

 **CITY BOY**  
im so happy for them

 **ennoshita**  
yeah the ending is nice

 **Frick Boi**  
tru love  
when will i ever find this

 **yahababe**  
shut up u already are in a relationship

 **Frick Boi**  
don’t talk to me or my 6 boyfriends ever again

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
*goes to heterosexual couple* so who’s the shrek and who’s the fiona

 **Frick Boi**  
tag urself i’m fiona

 **yahababe**  
you’re the donkey

 **CITY BOY**  
I’M THE DRAGON

ennoshita  
i’m.. bye

 **Frick Boi**  
wait holduuppp

_**Frick Boi** is calling_

It took a while until all their webcams were set up. This was the first time they were all video chatting with each other. They have apparently before too, but Shirabu has never done that.

He sighs and sits back.

“So, why the call, Terushima-san?” Akaashi asks. He’s prettier than in the pictures, Shirabu has to admit. Dark hair and long eyelashes.

“So we can discuss the movie!” Terushima explains. “Okay, so. Rating?”

“Ten out of ten,” Yamamoto said. Did he cry or why were his eyes red? Shirabu didn’t really want to know, so he didn’t ask.

“Ten out of ten?” Ennoshita asked. “I’m sorry, but I’d have to give it maybe a six out of ten.”

“Ennoshita, you’re no fun. At all,” Futakuchi complained. “The movie at least deserves seven.”

“Seven?” Shirabu scoffed. “It didn’t make sense. The clothes? How does that even work? And the dragon and the donkey? Is that not bestiality?”

“Exactly my point,” Akaashi agreed. “But then again, it’s a kid’s movie. We shouldn’t question it and just enjoy the jokes.”

Yahaba laughed. “Well, I’d love to know what you think when you find out the donkey and the dragon will have kids.”

Shirabu furrowed his brows. “Kids? But… how? How does that even _work_? Not even talking about anatomy, I mean genetic wise. They’re not the same species.”

“The kids are cute,” Yamamoto said. “They’re little donkeys with dragon wings.”

“Where do they have kids?” Akaashi asked.

“In the sequels,” Futakuchi replied.

“Sequels,” Shirabu whispered. “There are more of these?” More of these weird movies of that animated green ogre with ears?

“Dude, of course. The movies are amazing! Of course there are sequels with all the popularity!” Terushima screamed. “There are four in total!”

Four. They made four movies.

“Well,” Akaashi said after a while, “I still have time.”

“Are you implying you want to watch the other Shrek movies?” Yahaba asked and Akaashi shrugged.

“Yes!” Yamamoto and Terushima shouted in unison, while Ennoshita sighed and Futakuchi laughed.

“Okay, I’m in,” the latter said.

“No,” Yahaba said. “Not this again. I refuse.”

“Shirabu?”

Shirabu bit down on his lower lip. He really didn’t want to watch the other movies. He wasn’t interested. No, he _was_ not interested in the little dragon donkey babies. He really wasn’t.

“God damn it, okay!”

Yamamoto and Terushima cheered upon that.

“Ennoshita?” Yamamoto asked.

“I-”

“Come on, you know you want it.” Terushima wiggled his eyebrows. “Shrek. Shrek. Shrek. Shrek forever.”

“Shrek forever,” Futakuchi repeated slowly. “Shreeeeek.”

Ennoshita sighed, leaned his head back and ran his hand through his hair. That’s when all of them knew what his answer was going to be. “Fine. One movie!”

“Yes!”

“I hate you,” Yahaba muttered under his breath.

“You don’t have to watch this,” Shirabu said.

“Shut up. I will watch every single movie,” Yahaba snarled back and Shirabu couldn’t help but smile.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rewatched shrek for you to write this chapter i cant believe  
> ALSO: sorry ushiwaka for the farm kink. (hes my 3rd fav character after teru and tanaka so dont worry, i love my cow son)
> 
> this chapter was done with a lot of help.  
> 1) max, @graysonightwing , who the farm convo is based on  
> 2) nikita @ushijimas-master-dong, who ... made the farm convo even worse  
> 3) the ushioi squad @ushioisquad (too many of you) who constantly invade me with shrek memes  
> 4) elda @miadeardens another shretish
> 
> btw who ever follows me on tumblr knows i had my url changed to shretish for a while fsjdfndknfkg
> 
> shit still 3 chapters in and still no mention of kamafuta... next chapter.. i promise  
> at least we got poly johzenji confirmed. i love my poly kids


	4. f is for friends who do stuff together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **CITY BOY**  
>  i dont really get it  
> can my fursona be a tiger?
> 
>  **ennoshita**  
>  yamamoto… no…
> 
>  **futakuchi protection squad**  
>  yes you can be whoever you want to be
> 
>  **Akaashi**  
>  No
> 
>  **Frick Boi**  
>  *tackleglomps u* x3 *notices bulge in ur pants * owo what’s this?
> 
>  
> 
> _**the superior™** is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it took me so long to write this chapter its bc i'm running out of memes and feel like im not funny  
> but oh well

**  
(May 10th  
4.23pm)**

_**Frick Boi** sent a picture_

**Frick Boi**  
yo its yalls fav boi

 **ennoshita**  
hey terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
hey

 **ennoshita**  
so i assume training camp has started for you too

 **Frick Boi**  
yoU TOO?

 **ennoshita**  
yeah it’s golden week

 **Frick Boi**  
OH I WISH WE COULDVE BEEN TO ONE WITH U

 **ennoshita**  
i don’t think that’s a good idea  
tanaka still holds his grudges against you

 **Frick Boi**  
listen….. i was a different person back then  
i am a changed manTM now

 **the superior™**  
use the real sign

 **Frick Boi**  
changed man™

 **the superior™**  
we just had a match

 **ennoshita**  
oh how did it go?

 **the superior™**  
we lost  
it was against a college team but it’s still disappointing  
ushijima was a very important player

 **Frick Boi**  
PLAYAH

 **ennoshita**  
i know what you mean  
our third years really left a big impact

 **Frick Boi**  
same  
okudake made me gay

 **ennoshita**  
terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
yes

 **ennoshita**  
we’re having a serious  
conversation right now

 **Frick Boi**  
oh shit im sry  
i’m not lying tho

 **the superior™**  
we have good first years though

 **ennoshita**  
yeah same here

 **the superior™**  
at least they don’t change my skype name

 **yahababe**  
LISTEN HERE

 **the superior™**  
where the hell did you come from  
you were offline

 **yahababe**  
i set it to offline but i’m actually online

 **the superior™**  
… jesus christ  
how often

 **Frick Boi**  
sneaky  
i like it ;)

 **yahababe**  
often enough to see you talk nonsense  
just like last night

 **ennoshita**  
you were online last night and didn’t join the conversation?

 **yahababe**  
yeah wasn’t feeling like it

 **the superior™**  
i bet he’s online all the time because he doesn’t have a life

 **Frick Boi**  
im cryin i love the yahashira show  
tune in every wednesday  
prepare popcorn and sit back and watch

 **yahababe**  
yahashira?

 **the superior™**  
why not shirayaha

 **yahababe**  
THATS YOUR PROBLEM?

 **Frick Boi**  
shirayaha sounds stupid  
also obviously yahaba is first

 **the superior™**  
what does that mean

 **Frick Boi**  
it’s common ship name etiquette

 **the superior™**  
what does that MEAN

 **yahababe**  
i hate you so much terushima

 **the superior™**  
this is ridiculous what does shipping have to do with this

 **Frick Boi**  
I SHIP IT  
AW shit theres that mad dog guy and that pretty punk setter

 **the superior™**  
you can’t ship humans?

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **yahababe**  
what do you want to ship then  
dogs?  
are you a furry

 **the superior™**  
i feel like shipping in this context isn’t what it usually is, is it

 **ennoshita**  
no it’s not

 **Frick Boi**  
did you think i want to ship u  
like  
send u off  
in a mail  
im scremAMiNG  
i wouldve tho, shipped u right to my door step  
ah shit nah im at training camp rn,

 **the superior™**  
terushima at this point i don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore

 **ennoshita**  
fun idea but what if you two get along

 **yahababe**  
literally what the frick ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
it seems like a good idea  
bond over your mutual hatred for terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
LITERALLY WHAT THE FRICK ENNOSHITA

 **ennoshita**  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Frick Boi**  
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ENNOSHITA  
UR SUPPOSED TO BE THE NICE ONE  
DONT TEAM THEM UP AGAINST ME, THE SQUAD DAD

 **yahababe**  
you’re not the squad dad

 **Frick Boi**  
huh who is it then

 **the superior™**  
we don’t HAVE a squad dad  
why is the name even still the farsquaad

_**FRICK BOI** changed the title from ‘ **THE FARSQUAAD** ’ to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS’**_

**the superior™**  
that’s not exactly better

 **Frick Boi**  
i feel betrayed…,, by my own kind

 **ennoshita**  
i was trying to help them

 **Frick Boi**  
KEEP TELLING URSELF THAT  
ok i have to go spike some balls  
bye c ya

 **yahababe**  
bye

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
i should go back too  
bye! :)

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**the superior™**  
have fun

 **CITY BOY**  
HOLD UP DID I JSUT MISS HIM

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **CITY BOY**  
;_____;

 **the superior™**  
thats not the end of the world

 **CITY BOY**  
WERE HAVInG A MATCH AGAINST KARASuNo IN TWO DAYs

 **yahababe**  
wow you’ll finally see ennoshita again

 **the superior™**  
kick their ass

 **yahababe**  
are you still salty about that one time you lost against them

 **the superior™**  
depends

 **yahababe**  
on what

 **the superior™**  
are you still salty about those thousand time you lost against us

 **CITY BOY**  
OHHH THATS MEAN

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
that one was a+ im ded

 **CITY BOY**  
HI

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hi what did i miss

 **yahababe**  
the usual

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what now?  
1\. terushima being a nasty meme  
2\. yahaba and shirabu being babies  
3\. yamamoto being gay in CAPS LOCK  
4\. ennoshita being the only sane person  
5\. akaashi being fake nice  
choose one of the above

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **yahababe**  
uhm i’m not the one being a baby

 **the superior™**  
yahababy

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
did you just call him baby ;)

 **the superior™**  
6\. futakuchi being the worst

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you cant deny it

 **yahababe**  
im sick

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
;)

 **the superior™**  
your wink emojis are ugly

 **CITY BOY**  
I’M NOT BEING GAY IN CAP LOCK?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
example 1

 **CITY BOY**  
OKAY BUT  
I’LL SEE ENNOSHITA SOON? WE HAVENT SEEN EACH OTHER  
IN MONTHS

 **yahababe**  
example 2

 **CITY BOY**  
i wish i could just call terushima and ask for his advice

 **Akaashi**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
wow  
akaashi comes with caps lock  
this must be serious™

 **yahababe**  
shitabu

 **the superior™**  
what

 **yahababe**  
do you feel superior when you use ™

 **the superior™**  
i already am

 **CITY BOY**  
akaashI???

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey ;)

 **yahababe**  
i’m going to strangle your fricking ‘;)’ one of these days

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kinky

 **the superior™**  
i’m kinkshaming

 **Akaashi**  
Don’t ask Terushima for advice, Yamamoto-san  
He doesn’t know anything

 **CITY BOY**  
HE HAS 6 BOYFRIENDS

 **Akaashi**  
And I have no idea how he managed that

 **the superior™**  
agreed

 **yahababe**  
terushima has 6 boyfriends meanwhile shirabu cant even get semi

 **the superior™**  
meanwhile yahaba was married to terushima and the mad dog just left the wedding

 **yahababe**  
do you have to bring this up  
THE MARRIAGE WAS ANNULLED  
IT WASNT EVEN ONE IN FIRST PLACE

 **Akaashi**  
Trust me on this, Yamamoto-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yeah better ask akaashi who isnt datin anyone  
where u got YOUR experience from

 **Akaashi**  
I am dating someone?

 **yahababe**  
what

 **the superior™**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHAt

 **Akaashi**  
Bokuto-san and I are dating

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT!??!?!?!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
and you didnt tell us /why/

 **Akaashi**  
It’s new. We’ve only started dating a week ago

 **yahababe**  
A WEEK  
weve been talking almost every day on this chat  
and you haven’t told us

 **CITY BOY**  
I THOGUTH WERE FRIENDS

 **Akaashi**  
I am sorry I didn’t tell you.  
It’s new for both of us and we didn’t want to tell everyone immediately

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
FRIENDS AKAASHI  
FRANDS  
tho congrats

 **Akaashi**  
Thank you

 **the superior™**  
we’re friends?

 **yahababe**  
no

 **CITY BOY**  
SSSH  
WE’RE FRIENDS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
capital F  
friends who have fun with each other

 **Akaashi**  
I hate where this is going

 **the superior™**  
where is this going

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
f is for friends who do stuff together

 **the superior™**  
we dont do stuff together

 **Akaashi**  
Well, we did watch all Shrek movies

 **CITY BOY**  
U IS FOR YOU AND ME

 **yahababe**  
i’d like to be excluded from this narrative one i have never asked to be part of since this april

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
n is for anywhere anytime at all

 **the superior™**  
did you just quote taylor swift

 **CITY BOY**  
DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA

 **yahababe**  
… no

 **the superior™**  
you quoted taylor swift didn’t you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
there’s more

 **CITY BOY**  
i dont know the rest :(

 **Akaashi**  
F is for fire that burns down the whole town

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
*cries _*_  
marry me

 **Akaashi  
** No

 **futakichu protection squad**  
fair enough

 **the superior™**  
what are you even talking about

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
u is for URANIUM BOMBS

 **yahababe**  
so you can identify if somebody quotes taylor swift but not when it’s spongebob? that’s like basic knowledge

 **the superior™**  
how the HELL is spongebob basic knowledge

 **CITY BOY**  
it is

 **the superior™**  
not  
it is not  
i’m japanese i don’t need to know about that yellow sponge

 **yahababe**  
somebodys claustrophobic

 **CITY BOY**  
what does that mean

 **yahababe**  
that he’s scared of santa claus

 **CITY BOY**  
HO HO HO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m

 **Akaashi**  
Oh my god

 **yahababe**  
you don’t know shrek  
you don’t know spongebob  
what do you know

 **the superior™**  
how to be better than you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
OHHHHhH  
snap

 **Akaashi**  
Groundbreaking.

 **the superior™**  
why does this sound like i hear judgement

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bc there probably is

 **yahababe**  
i can always count on you akaashi

 **CITY BOY**  
ok but u know what naruto is right

 **the superior™**  
yes  
sadly  
why

 **yahababe**  
because it feels like you know nothing

 **the superior™**  
please  
naruto is part of our national history i know about it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
did u just say naruto is part of our national history

 **the superior™**  
… no

 **yahababe**  
you did

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its okay  
kakashi could have me all day every day

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **yahababe**  
disgusting…….

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
;) he’s daddy material

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **the superior™**  
i’m kinkshaming

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
rude  
can’t believe youre kinkshaming me i bet yall have some nasty ass kinks too

 **Akaashi**  
I don’t want to discuss my kinks with somebody I’ve never met

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
confirmed: akaashi is kinky af

 **CITY BOY**  
but we’ve met!!!!

 **Akaashi**  
Correction: I don’t want to discuss my kinks with anybody. Ever.

 **yahababe**  
what about your boyfriend

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bokuto is gonna be disappointed akakinky :(

 **Akaashi**  
Akakinky?

 **the superior™**  
oh my god

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
lets play a game

 **yahababe**  
oh no

 **Akaashi**  
Do I wanna know?

 **CITY BOY**  
HELL YEAH I WANN A PLAY

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
somebody says a kink and yall reply with kinksame or kinkshame

 **the superior™**  
kinkshame

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i havent even said anything yet

 **CITY BOY**  
A STEADY RELATIONSHIP

 **Akaashi**  
… What

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
get that vanilla shit out of my face

 **the superior™**  
kinkshame

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **Akaashi**  
Kinksame  
I can’t believe I just wrote to this

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
daddy kink

 **CITY BOY**  
SHAME

 **the superior™**  
shame

 **yahababe**  
you’re a fricking liar shirabu

 **the superior™**  
I DONT HAVE A DADDY KINK

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
YES YOU DO

 **the superior™**  
how the hell would you know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
idk just have a feeling when i look at you

 **yahababe**  
he recognizes his own kind

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
honestly what the frick yahaba

 **yahababe**  
am i wrong

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… well

 **CITY BOY**  
kinkshame

 **the superior™**  
whatever i don’t have one

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
spanking

 **yahababe**  
are you for real

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
kinkshame

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you’re all lying at this point

 **yahababe**  
you’re a virgin that has never been kissed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’ve been kissed

 **Akaashi**  
Really?

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
??????

 **yahababe**  
i guess he hasn’t been

**(CUT)**

**futakuchi protection squad**  
okay i’m back

 **ennoshita**  
where were you

 **the superior™**  
you were gone for an hour

 **CITY BOY**  
welcome back!!!!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
where is yahaba

 **the superior™**  
gone

 **Frick Boi**  
BUT I’M HERE!

 **CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA

 **Frick Boi**  
YOOO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
okay so i’d like to let you all know that ive been kissed

 **ennoshita**  
hey terushima  
also what?

 **the superior™**  
????

 **Frick Boi**  
WE TOLD U IT DOESNT COUNT

futakuchi protection squad  
i know ;)

Akaashi  
Futakuchi-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **Akaashi**  
Did you just leave for an hour so you’ll be able to say you were kissed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
so what if i did

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **ennoshita**  
are you serious?

 **Frick Boi**  
HOLDDUP WHO DID YOU KISS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i don’t kiss and tell ;)

 **the superior™**  
so you didn’t

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t believe this

 **CITY BOY**  
YOU JSUT THREW UR FIRST KISS AWAY?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
it wasn’t my first kiss

 **Frick Boi**  
im so proud of u now we only gotta help out tora and shirabu  
i volunteer as tribute  
i mean unless another… certain… miyagi captain does… for yamammaa…

 **ennoshita**  
terushima shut up

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
oooOooh

 **Frick Boi**  
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME TODAY ENNOSHITA THE FUCK

 **ennoshita**  
… sorry?

 **the superior™**  
stop offering yourself, you already have six boyfriends

 **Frick Boi**  
so you’d kiss me if i wouldn’t?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i wouldn’t even kiss you if you wouldn’t

 **Frick Boi**  
i have a tongue piercing

 **CITY BOY**  
so?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
never mind i would

 **the superior™**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
who was the lucky person

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
just a former senpai  
nothing special

 **Frick Boi**  
nOTHINg SPEcial???

 **CITY BOY**  
can we change the subject :(  
this is making me sad

 **Frick Boi**  
why bc u cant have

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **Frick Boi  
**...  
a cat  
because you dONT HAVE A CAT

 **the superior™**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
i really want to have a cat  
but the building i live in doesnt allow pets :(

 **the superior™**  
isn’t that a little bit… cliched

 **CITY BOY**  
????

 **the superior™**  
your team’s name is literally nekoma

 **ennoshita**  
don’t question it

 **the superior™**  
his name is literally taketora  
your name means tiger

 **Akaashi**  
Oh no

 **CITY BOY**  
OH MY GOD

 **Frick Boi**  
BOI HE BOUT TO DO IT

 **CITY BOY**  
I LOVE! TIGERS!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!

 **the superior™**  
i shouldn’t have said right

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what is going on

 **CITY BOY**  
TIGERS! ARE! SO! COOL

 **ennoshita**  
yeah they’re pretty rad

 **Frick Boi**  
let me tell u last night we talked over the phone  
and i accidentally said the tigers from zootopia could get it  
and then yamamoto talked about tigers for like an hour

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
did u know the roar of a bengal tiger can carry for over 2km at night

 **Akaashi**  
No, we didn’t

 **the superior™**  
did i just read right

 **CITY BOY**  
I KNOW RIGHT? IT’S FREAKY

 **the superior™**  
no  
i mean what terushima just wrote

 **Frick Boi**  
what about it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you just said the tigers from zootopia can get it

 **Akaashi**  
Kinkshame

 **Frick Boi**  
they’re bara as FRICK

 **CITY BOY**  
:( nobody cares for what i have to say

 **ennoshita**  
i care

 **CITY BOY**  
:)

 **the superior™**  
sorry i’m just too disgusted right now

 **CITY BOY**  
tigers can swim!!!!!! what cool cats

 **ennoshita**  
that’s impressive

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i thought i have weird kinks

 **Frick Boi**  
i woULDnt frickle frackle the tigers  
i just mean they’re bara af

 **the superior™**  
“frickle frackle”

 **Akaashi**  
“bara af”

 **ennoshita**  
i’m sorry to break this to you terushima  
but you’re a furry

 **Frick Boi**  
uhm i’m NOT

 **CITY BOY**  
what is a furry?

 **Akaashi**  
Wait

 **Frick Boi**  
ennoshita?

 **ennoshita**  
yes?

 **Frick Boi**  
STRIKE THREE  
FIVE STRIKES AND I’LL NARUTO RUN TO KARASUNO MYSELF TO KICK YO PRETTY ASS

 **CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA

 **Frick Boi**  
bro sorry im not hitting on him,

 **ennoshita**  
is2g if you naruto run…  
i had to see tanaka and nishinoya do that in their first year all the time

 **Akaashi**  
“The furry fandom is a subculture interested in fictionalanthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, the ability to speak, walk on two legs, and wear clothes.”

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
is that from wikipedia

 **Akaashi**  
Yes

 **the superior™**  
this is ugly

 **Frick Boi**  
im not a furry  
my fursona would be a bird so i’m a feathery cause its a feathersona

 **the superior™**  
why a bird

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
because he never shuts up

 **Frick Boi**  
r00d  
akaashi ennoshita and shirabu r too  
#featherysquad  
akaashit he owl  
ennoshita a crow  
and shirabu is a swan

 **CITY BOY**  
i dont really get it  
can my fursona be a tiger?

 **ennoshita**  
yamamoto… no…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes you can be whoever you want to be

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **Frick Boi**  
*tackleglomps u* x3 *notices bulge in ur pants * owo what’s this?

_**the superior™** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
bruh

 **CITY BOY**  
what the hell is THAT

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kick him out of the chat

 **Frick Boi**  
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ADDED ME

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
let’s vote

 **Frick Boi**  
im on my way to dateko rn

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
don’t

 **Frick Boi**  
Okkokk i take it back  
i didn’t meant it seriously anyway

 **CITY BOY**  
why did i have to read that with my own two eyes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nya

 **Akaashi**  
Not you too

_**ennoshita** is offline_

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
…  
**seriously?**

 **Frick Boi**  
oh my God  
nyaaaa

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
i can’t believe i just outmemed terushima

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

* * *

 

**(May 12th  
9.13pm)**

**CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA

 **Frick Boi**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
PICK UP UR PHONE

Frick Boi  
i cant rn i have a date night w my bfs

 **yahababe**  
why are you on skype then

 **Frick Boi**  
texting someone while u watch a movie and talking w someone over the phone is different

 **CITY BOY**  
oh ok

 **Frick Boi**  
WAIT U PLAYED AGAINST ENNOSHITA RIGHT

 **yahababe**  
who won?

 **CITY BOY**  
karasuno …

 **Frick Boi**  
who CARES about who won?

 **yahababe**  
… everyone?

 **Frick Boi**  
update me on what happened!!!!  
im gonna call u back bye

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**yahababe**  
didnt you just say-  
whatever  
forget it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey

 **yahababe**  
i’m NOT going to talk with you, you furry

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what? you weren’t even THERE

 **yahababe**  
i READ it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you’re obviously the furry

 **yahababe**  
where?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
example 1: the mad dog  
kyoutani  
that was his name right

 **yahababe**  
i’m  
blocked and reported

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its ok i support u

 **yahababe**  
ugly

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wow u didnt even deny it

_**yahababe** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
i know you’re online

 **yahababe**  
you’re sometimes a bigger pain in the ass than shirabu

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you’re welcome ;)

 **yahababe**  
you’re worse than terushima

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
>:) good  
my city now  
futakuchi for mayor  
mayor futakuchi

 **yahababe**  
you wouldn’t get my vote

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
who would huh

 **yahababe**  
…  
me  
i’d vote for me

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba u asshole  
oh i have to go my gorilla is bothering me

 **yahababe**  
your what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
harambe

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**yahababe**  
what

* * *

 

“This asshole has always been annoying before, but he’s worse now. He keeps staring at me as if he’s picking a fight. He probably thinks he’s the best because he’s the star of the Tennis-” Tanaka rambled on, until he stopped abruptly.

“What’s up?” Ennoshita asked.

“Ha?! What is that Playboy doing here?!” Tanaka shouted. He was pointing towards the school gate, where Terushima was standing.

“Oh no.” Ennoshita groaned.

Terushima was grinning at him and Tanaka turned to Ennoshita. “Do you want me to beat him up?”

“No! God, no. It’s okay. He and I friends now, remember?”

Tanaka muttered something under his breath. “Fine. I don’t get how, but _fine_.”

Ennoshita sighed and nodded. “This should be over quick I think. But walk home with Nishinoya, it might take a while, who knows?”

Tanaka eyed Terushima for a moment and then turned around, hands in his pockets. “See you tomorrow.”

 _If I survive this day_ , Ennoshita thought and walked towards Terushima, who was waiting for him.

* * *

 

**(May 15th  
7.34pm)**

**ennoshita**  
save me

 **CITY BOY**  
what  
ennoshita?  
ARE YOU OKAY  
ENNOSHITA

 **yahababe**  
this is… scary

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he’s okay

 **Akaashi**  
Are you sure? I’m worried

_**futakuchi protection squad** sent a picture_

**CITY BOY**  
is that ennoshITA WITH TERUSHIMA?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
why is he … hanging out with terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
R00D  
also futakuchi dont take picz of me

 **ennoshita**  
DONT TEXT WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you literally followed me home you idiot

 **Akaashi**  
What is happening?

 **CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA WHAT DID YOU DO TO ENNOSHITA

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
I WILL DRIVE TO MIYAGI

 **yahababe**  
the things you do for love

 **Akaashi**  
Futakuchi-san, explain

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima has been trying to find out who the senpai i kissed was  
and today he just appeared at my school with ennoshita

 **yahababe**  
what????

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i know, weird  
they followed me

 **Akaashi**  
Sorry, but I don’t get why ennoshita would just go with terushima

 **ennoshita**  
he just appeared with his car at my school and promised to show me johzenji’s new special attack if i go with him

 **the superior™**  
wow you’re cheap

 **ennoshita**  
would you have said no?

 **the superior™**  
yes because it’s easy to defeat johzenji

 **Frick Boi**  
RUDE

 **CITY BOY**  
DONT TEXT WHILE DRIVING ENNOSHITA IS IN THE CAR

 **ennoshita**  
thanks for worrying  
i took the phone away

 **yahababe**  
so… did they find out?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
no and they never will  
also wtf never come to dateko again you were embarrassing

 **yahababe**  
what if we want to

 **the superior™**  
we wouldnt want to anyway

 **yahababe**  
… dude

 **CITY BOY**  
i wanna hang out w u too :(

 **the superior™**  
i’m glad terushima didn’t appear in front of shiratorizawa

 **ennoshita**  
he said shiratorizawa is way too intimidating

 **yahababe**  
what about me

 **ennoshita**  
he said he’s still heartbroken about your divorce

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHATEVER  
as the mayor i declare it as a rule that you’re not allowed to come

 **yahababe**  
you’re not the mayor  
i am

 **Akaashi**  
Yahaba-san has my vote

 **yahababe**  
thank u akaashi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
What

 **the superior™**  
god… i have to vote between a furry  
and yahaba

 **yahababe**  
(╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **the superior™**  
and that’s why i will vote for futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thank you i’ll make u first lady  
… is that a thing w mayors,

 **CITY BOY**  
yahaba has my vote!!!!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHAT  
why?

 **CITY BOY**  
i still have nightmares from that text

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
im

 **yahababe**  
ennoshita?

 **ennoshita**  
yeah, yahaba gets my vote

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey u havent even listened to my SPEECH

 **Frick Boi**  
kk i’m all ears

 **CITY BOY**  
DONT TEXT

 **Frick Boi**  
we stopped at mcdonalds

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
if u vote me as ur mayor  
i will give u  
dank memes

 **yahababe**  
please i’m better

 **Frick Boi**  
he’s right

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what’s wrong with the furry meme

 **Akaashi**  
What isn’t wrong with it

 **the superior™**  
you need a better speech

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what are u now, my campaign manager

 **the superior™**  
since you can’t do it yourself

 **Frick Boi  
** Oh SHIRABu PASs the SAlt

 **the superior™**  
a vote for futakuchi is a vote for humanity

 **yahababe**  
what does that even mean

 **the superior™**  
a vote for futakuchi is a vote for

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
harambe

 **Akaashi**  
…  
No.

 **ennoshita**  
not convinced

 **CITY BOY**  
i kinda am

 **yahababe**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
:)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
1 vote = 1 prayer

 **yahababe**  
if you vote for me i promise you i will fling them into the sun

 **Akaashi**  
…  
No.

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
akaashi its very hard to satisfy you

 **the superior™**  
that’s what he said

 **Frick Boi**  
SHIT OH BOI  
IM VOITNG FOR FUTAKUCHI/SHIRABU

 **ennoshita**  
no

 **CITY BOY**  
its convincing ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
WHERE

 **Akaashi**  
Are you even trying?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thats what he said

 **Frick Boi**  
YOOOOO  
nice kill futakuchi

 **Akaashi**  
I’d like you to know that it’s not what Bokuto said last night.

 **ennoshita**  
OOhHHH

 **CITY BOY**  
OBFHJSDBJbjdfbjdbjFBDJ

 **yahababe**  
OH YM GOD  
NICE KILL AKAASHI

 **Frick Boi**  
shit cant beat that

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… you win for now

 **yahababe**  
akaashi: 1, shirabu and futakuchi: 0

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you’re so mean to me i’m fragile

 **yahababe**  
bitch where

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i was born with glass bones and paper skin every morning i break my legs, and every afternoon i break my arms at night, i lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep

 **CITY BOY**  
;____; i am in tears

 **ennoshita**  
how can you play volleyball then

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SHUT the HELL up

 **the superior™**  
is that a reference to something

 **yahababe**  
no

 **CITY BOY**  
YES!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
vote for me and i’ll go to shiratorizawa and force shirabu to watch spongebob for me

 **Frick Boi**  
you have my vote

 **CITY BOY**  
same

 **ennoshita**  
why not

 **Akaashi**  
Convinced

 **yahababe**  
i’m not running for mayor anymore

 **the superior™**  
whAt  
futakuchi i supported you!  
i already watched shrek  
i had to read ‘tasty green thang’  
i don’t want to hear that again  
ever  
‘tasty yellow thang’  
what’s next?  
patrick star is thicc  
squidward wakes my tentacle kink  
mr krabs can scissor me

 **CITY BOY**  
…

 **yahababe**  
oh my God

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
literally what the frick shirabu

 **Frick Boi**  
SCISSOR ME MR KRABS FJSDBFJSDBFJSbdj

 **yahababe**  
tag yourself i’m patrick star is thicc

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m the squidward tentacle kink

 **Akaashi**  
I’m “i don’t want to hear that again”

 **CITY BOY**  
how do u know so much about spongebob

 **the superior™**  
i know the basics

 **ennoshita**  
i’m tasty yellow thang

 **Frick Boi**  
oh yes u are ;)

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what

 **yahababe**  
what

 **the superior™**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **ennoshita**  
i take it back

 **Frick Boi**  
squidward shove that clarinette up my ass

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
spongebobs nose is long  
u can sit on his fa ce

 **the superior™**  
stop

 **Akaashi**  
Why can’t we have one normal conversation, ever

 **ennoshita**  
mister krabs nose is long too and we don’t see anyone talk about it

 **yahababe**  
are we not adressing squidwards nose

 **the superior™**  
what the hell guys

 **Frick Boi**  
FBSJDbfjdfbjBFJSDBj

 **CITY BOY**  
noses arent appealing

 **Frick Boi**  
good thing squidward has tentacles cause he doesnt have anything down there

 **Akaashi**  
None of them do

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
sandy watch ur teeth

 **ennoshita**  
oh my god

 **Frick Boi**  
BYEEE IM QUITITGN

 **the superior™**  
who was sandy again

 **CITY BOY**  
NFKSDnFKSNDkFNKSD

 **Akaashi**  
The squirrel

 **the superior™**  
oh my god  
i hate this so much

 **yahababe**  
no you don’t

 **Akaashi**  
We’re too deep down the rabbit hole at this point

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what does it mean when somebody replies ‘you don’t even have netflix stop using my account’ to ‘netflix and chill’

 **the superior™**  
he doesn’t want you

 **yahababae**  
you were dumped

 **CITY BOY**  
what were u gonna watch

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i dont know man some movie

 **ennoshita**  
is it the secret senpai

 **Akaashi**  
You’re very forward, Futakuchi-san

 **CITY BOY**  
netflix and chill is forward???  
i mean its not really direct

 **yahababe**  
a booty call metaphor  
a metabooty

 **the superior™**  
bootaphor

 **yahababe**  
-.-  
wait didnt u just get ur first kiss a week ago

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
IT WASNT MY FIRST  
and well yes why

 **ennoshita**  
you move really fast

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
so does akaashi

 **ennoshita**  
terushima says: get it boi

 **yahababe**  
he wont he was just dumped

_**futakuchi protection squad** sent an image_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
he said yes

 **the superior™**  
…  
did you put his name as harambe

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ya

 **Akaashi**  
I feel bad for him, whoever it is

 **CITY BOY**  
congrats!!!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
k see u

 **ennoshita**  
terushima wont stop bothering me so i have to write this  
he says “hey futakuchi we’re getting laid at the same time tonight”  
i hate him

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **ennoshita**  
he’s visiting one of his bf  
wait  
it’s izaka

 **CITY BOY**  
OH tell him hi from me

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i dont want to anymore

 **yahababe**  
think of squidwards nose when he comes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what

 **the superior™**  
comes or

 **Akaashi  
** Please don’t type it

 **the superior™**  
cums

 **yahababe**  
hahahahah  
oh wait you’re shirabu

 **futakuchi protection suqad**  
please shirabu ur a virgin who cant drive

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
that was harsh

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi will go down next game

 **yahababe**  
i think he’s going down tonight

 **ennoshita**  
can we keep this chat sfw once  
just one day  
i’m begging you just one day

 **CITY BOY**  
okay

 **Akaashi**  
Impossible

 **the superior™**  
haha yes he’ll go down, you’re right  
oh you’re yahaba

 **Akaashi**  
It’s beginning

 **the superior™**  
what

 **Akaashi**  
You and Yahaba are slowly getting along

 **CITY BOY**  
OH UR RIGHT

_**yahababe** is offline_

_**the superior™** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
i’m finally home

 **CITY BOY**  
welcome home!

 **Akaashi**  
I’m glad you arrived safely, Ennoshita-san :)

 **ennoshita**  
thank u!  
god today was exhausting  
i’ll never go with him again

 **CITY BOY**  
what was their new technique

 **ennoshita**  
he just dabbed

 **Akaashi**  
What

 **ennoshita**  
yeah thats it he just dabbed and said its his new technique

 **CITY BOY**  
THATS MY BOY

 **ennoshita**  
HE JUST DABBED IN FRONT OF ME  
i havent done my homework yet :(

 **CITY BOY**  
do you need help?

 **ennoshita**  
thank you for offering but i think i can manage! :)  
bye!

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**Akaashi**  
Well, I think we should go too, it’s getting late.   
Good night, Yamamoto-san

 **CITY BOY**  
Okay bye!!!

_**Akaashi** is offline_

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u: yenna cant u write... smth not nsfw  
> me: my humor is bad and this is literally all my friends and i talk about in group chats so, fsnjfnfgj  
> did i low-key include oujitana??? Yes cause its my fav tanaka ship bye


	5. macklemore the gay jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yahababe**  
>  exactly  
> we’re small city boys  
> we’re the farmers
> 
>  **Frick Boi **  
> ****  
> we dem bois  
>  we dem farm bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont... i dont even know

**(May 23rd  
4.12pm)**

**the superior™**  
is anybody online

 **CITY BOY**  
i am!!!

 **the superior™**  
no not you

 **yahababe**  
me, unfortunately

 **the superior™**  
not you

 **CITY BOY**  
:(

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
rihanna wink.gif

 **the superior™**  
…  
i was hoping for akaashi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wOAh

yahababe  
text him in the IM then

 **CITY BOY**  
How can we help u

 **the superior™**  
okay i have no idea who else to ask so  
let’s talk hypothetically i have a friend

 **yahababe**  
hypothetically?  
you don’t have any friends

 **the superior™**  
…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m wheezing nice kill yahaba

 **CITY BOY**  
we’re your friends!

 **the superior™**  
thank you  
anyway  
let’s say i hypothetically have a friend who has a friend

 **yahababe**  
for gods sake

 **the superior™**  
and that friend confessed to my friend  
even though the friend already knows that my friend  
likes somebody else?

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **yahababe**  
oh my god

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you know shirabu  
you can stop talking in riddles  
and ya know  
just say that somebody confessed to you

 **the superior™**  
*r friend

 **yahababe**  
yeah i mean it wouldnt be realistic otherwise right  
who would

 **the superior™**  
never mind somebody confessed to me

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
leaving out yahabas snarky remarks

 **yahababe**  
what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
say sorry i like somebody else?

 **the superior™**  
he knows  
i mean

 **CITY BOY**  
why did he confess then

 **the superior™**  
i don’t know?

 **yahababe**  
so you admit that you like semi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
where is terushima when u need him

 **the superior™**  
what the hell do we need terushima for

 **CITY BOY**  
i always need terushima

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
gay  
help me teru huan whoever the f*ck you are  
you’re our only ho

 **yahababe**  
no

 **Frick Boi**  
rihanna wink.gif

 **CITY BOY**  
what DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 **Frick Boi**  
here i am  
woa shirabu has relationship problems  
i cant believe my son is growing up so fast

 **the superior™**  
i’m not your son

 **Frick Boi**  
shirabu  
i’m coming over

 **the superior™**  
no

 **Frick Boi**  
my parents arent home

 **yahababe**  
thats not how it works

 **Frick Boi**  
u shut ur mouth

 **the superior™**  
remind me to never ask for your advice ever again

 **CITY BOY**  
did u turn down ur friend?????

 **the superior™**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
pick me up i want to visit shirabu too!

 **the superior™**  
…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
pick me up @ the location im sending u

 **Frick Boi**  
cool

 **the superior™**  
i swear to god dont even think about it  
who the hell even gave you a car

 **Frick Boi**  
u live on campus right

 **CITY BOY**  
PICK ME UP

 **Frick Boi**  
YOU LIVE IN TOKYO

 **CITY BOY**  
:(

 **yahababe**  
haha have fun

 **Frick Boi**  
i know where u live

 **yahababe**  
you don’t

 **Frick Boi**  
ur right i dont but i know where ennoshita lives!!!!

 **CITY BOY**  
DONT!  
what if he doesnt want to?  
dont bother ennoshita!!!

 **Frick Boi**  
ur just jelly

 **the superior™**  
i’m gone

 **yahababe**  
hey shirabu

 **the superior™**  
…  
what

 **yahababe**  
talk with your friend  
you haven’t turned him down so you probably aren’t sure yet right  
so just tell him that you need time to think

 **Frick Boi**  
what the frick

 **Akaashi**  
Well, this is surprising

 **CITY BOY**  
AKAASHI!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what the hell  
did i yall see that too

 **the superior™**  
i…

 **yahababe**  
just say thanks

 **the superior™**  
…

 **yahababe**  
for gods sake shirabu

 **the superior™**  
thank you

 **Frick Boi**  
OH mY GOd i’m CRyING TeArs of JoY

 **Akaashi**  
And I’m crying tears of disappointment seeing the way you type

 **Frick Boi**  
SHUT IM HAPPY RN THEYRRE FINALLY FRIENDS

 **the superior™**  
we’re not  
but that was helpful

_**the superior™** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
HOLY SHIT MOM

 **yahababe**  
w hat

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
this is happening… i cant believe…

 **Frick Boi**  
today… history was written

 **CITY BOY**  
i wish ennoshita was here to see it!

 **Akaashi**  
It sure is surprising

 **yahababe**  
you’re all annoying

 **Akaashi**  
Me too?

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT ABOUT ME

 **yahababe**  
especially you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nya

 **yahababe**  
go away furrykuchi kenji

 **Frick Boi**  
FURRYKUCHI KENJI

 **Akaashi**  
We’re not having this furry discourse again  
It’s banned

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i cant believe we managed to ban both F words

 **Frick Boi**  
fresh

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
FRESH PRINCE OF MIYAGI

 **CITY BOY**  
FRESH PRINCE OF TOKYO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
im will smith

 **Frick Boi**  
I’m Will Smith

 **yahababe**  
I Am Legend

 **Akaashi**  
I, Akaashi

 **CITY BOY**  
men in yamamoto  
no  
wait  
NO WAIT I TAKE THAT BACK

 **Frick Boi**  
MEN IN YAMAMOTOTO FNDFSKDNFKSD  
M E N IN YAMA AMOTOOT

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
oh m y god

 **yahababe**  
wow yamamoto congrats

 **Akaashi**  
I hope it doesn’t hurt too much

 **CITY BOY**  
AKAASHI

 **Akaashi**  
No, stop, you sound like Bokuto-san right now

 **CITY BOY**  
but u love bokuto

 **Akaashi**  
Exactly

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
@ ennoshita come online binch

 **CITY BOY**  
Dont call him a binch!!!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its okay  
binch is like bitch but friendly

 **yahababe**  
nobody cares binch

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bINCH

 **ennoshita**  
… what did i miss?

 **Frick Boi**  
men in yamamoto

 **Akaashi**  
Men in Yamamoto

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
men in yamamoto

 **yahababe**  
men in yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
hOPEFULLY ME  
wait  
i hate you guys

 **ennoshita**  
…  
what?

 **CITY BOY**  
:(  
this is bullying  
youre bullying me

 **Frick Boi**  
we’re all will smith

 **ennoshita**  
i love his movies!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
even men in yamamoto?

 **Akaashi**  
Which one of them

 **yahababe**  
which man or which one of the trilogy

 **CITY BOY**  
>:(

 **ennoshita**  
all of them

 **Frick Boi**  
ALL MEN?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
of course, hes one of them

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi i swear to god

 **CITY BOY**  
destroy HIM ENNO!!!

 **ennoshita**  
enno?

 **CITY BOY**  
shita

 **yahababe**  
shita

 **Frick Boi**  
shita

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shita

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **ennoshita**  
thank you Akaashi

 **yahababe**  
:)

 **ennoshita**  
where’s shirabu

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shita and shitabu

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
OHHHH

 **ennoshita**  
terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
im sorry

 **CITY BOY**  
HAHAHA

 **Frick Boi**  
shut ur mouth tora the explorer  
heh  
explorer

 **Akaashi**  
What is funny about that?

 **Frick Boi**  
nothing

 **yahababe**  
terushima is a walking shitpost

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ha another one to the shit squad

 **ennoshita**  
i’m coming over i swear

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
OKAY IM SORRY PLEASE DONT

 **CITY BOY**  
woah!!! ennoshita can be very scary

 **ennoshita**  
damn right i can

 **Frick Boi**  
ur r00d and i dont appreciate that

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
sucks for you

 **Frick Boi**  
ennoshita im picking u up we’ll both kick his ass

 **ennoshita**  
okay

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what have i ever done

 **ennoshita**  
this is why kamasaki was always so angry about you, right?

 **Akaashi**  
Who is Kamasaki?

 **ennoshita**  
oh his former senpai  
wait

 **yahababe**  
WAIT

 **Frick Boi**  
HOL Y S HIT DID WE JUST SOLVE THE RIDDLE

 **CITY BOY**  
I DON’T GET IT?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

 **ennoshita**  
you said it was a former senpai, right?

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**Akaashi**  
That’s a yes

 **yahababe**  
who the hell was kamasaki

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t believe he called kamasaki harambe

 **Frick Boi**  
ok but who is shirabus mystery boy

 **yahababe**  
isnt that obvious  
that one other guy from their team

 **Akaashi**  
Yahaba there are tons of people

 **CITY BOY**  
we wouldnt know them anyway

 **ennoshita**  
i dont know their names?

 **Frick Boi**  
I KN OW  
KA W ANISHI!!!!  
KAWAIINISHI!!!

 **yahababe**  
did you just call him kawaii-nishi?

 **Frick Boi**  
he’s pretty kawaii

 **the superior™**  
do you ever shut up?

 **Frick Boi**  
i summoned him!!!!!

_**the superior™** is offline_

**yahababe**  
i knew it

 **ennoshita**  
wow

 **Akaashi**  
I have no idea who either of them are

 **CITY BOY**  
ME NEITHER BUT THIS IS EXCITING!

 **yahababe**  
cool do we reveal yamamotos crush now

 **CITY BOY**  
>:(

 **Frick Boi**  
BRUH  
rude  
dont out my bro

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**Akaashi**  
There he goes

 **CITY BOY**  
:(

 **yahababe**  
sorry yamamoto

* * *

 

 **Akaashi**  
Hey, Ennoshita, is everything okay?

 **ennoshita**  
how did you know I’m still online?

 **Akaashi**  
It was just a guess  
If jokes about Yamamoto having a crush on you bother you, just tell me  
I’ll stop and try to tell the others to do that too

 **ennoshita**  
thank you :)  
and i don’t know  
i dont really like him back so  
it’s kind of weird

 **Akaashi**  
Oh, yes, I figured

 **ennoshita**  
he’s nice and all but  
we haven’t spend that much time together?  
i mean, the time we did spend together was nice  
i don’t know

 **Akaashi**  
I understand, it’s okay. Thank you for telling me

 **ennoshita**  
no, thank you  
anyway i’m off for real now

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, good bye

 **ennoshita**  
bye :)

* * *

* * *

 

**(June 2nd  
1.02 am)**

**ennoshita**  
guys  
tomorrow is the day

 **the superior™**  
go to bed

 **ennoshita**  
why are you awake

 **the superior™**  
… reasons i don’t like sharing

 **yahababe**  
go to bed

 **ennoshita**  
wait why are you awake

 **CITY BOY**  
IM AWAKE TOO

 **Akaashi**  
All of you, go to bed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey kids want some drugs

 **Frick Boi**  
LATE NIGHT PARTY FOR THE WIENER SOLDIERS  
SHAKE UR WIENERS

 **ennoshita**  
what is happening right now

 **the superior™**  
how much

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
idk like 10000 for 1g

 **the superior™**  
what  
no

 **yahababe**  
what

 **Akaashi**  
This is a mess

 **CITY BOY**  
Im wide awake

 **Frick Boi**  
why  
because its full moon and you’re turning?

 **CITY BOY**  
I’M A TIGER AND NOT A WEREWOLF

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
furry yamamoto confirmed

 **the superior™**  
shut up furrykuchi

 **yahababe**  
this is like some wild sleepover

 **Frick Boi**  
YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO SOME DAY

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **Frick Boi**  
you don’t know?

 **Akaashi**  
I don’t want to do it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
*hacker voice*  i’m in

 **CITY BOY**  
in what

 **yahababe**  
kamasaki

 **the superior™**  
oh good one

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **Frick Boi**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **the superior™**  
leaf me olone

 **Frick Boi**  
WASNT THAT YAHABAS LINE  
r u cheating on mad dog chan with shirabu, yahaba?

 **yahababe**  
mmmnhhhh  frick off

 **Akaashi**  
Anyway, why are you all still awake?

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t sleep

 **CITY BOY**  
why?

 **Frick Boi**  
I nnn  TT e  ERr  RHH HIghHH

 **yahababe**  
can you type normal for once in your life

 **Frick Boi**  
Yes, I can. But do I wan’t to? No. I am a honor’s student who gets straight A’s on every test and I am the best in my class, I just want one place where I can let loose and write the way I want to without someone like you to interfere with my way of enjoying my free time.

 **Akaashi**  
What?

 **Frick Boi**  
lik if u cry everytim  </3

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… i mean what

 **the superior™**  
haha

 **ennoshita**  
terushima it’s 1am how did you type that

 **Frick Boi**  
i’m cool

 **CITY BOY**  
YES

 **Frick Boi**  
whats cooler than being cool

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ice cold

 **Frick Boi**  
I SAID WHATS COOLER THAN BEING COOL

 **Akaashi**  
Ice cold

 **yahababe**  
alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright

 **the superior™**  
this really is like some crazy sleepover  
go to bed  
rest  
gather your strength

 **ennoshita**  
thanks

 **the superior™**  
you’ll need it because we’ll crush you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shitabu u little piece of shit

 **ennoshita**  
you didn’t make nationals last time

 **the superior™**  
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 **Frick Boi**  
i luv u so much u know that right i wouldnt even mind u kicking my ass

 **yahababe**  
i would

 **ennoshita**  
i would

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i wouldnt even let shirabu anywhere near my ass

 **CITY BOY**  
GOOD LUCK!!!  
i hope we’ll see each other at nationals again!!

 **ennoshita**  
thank you  
and yeah, hopefully

 **the superior™**  
i’m going to bed

 **ennoshita**  
why were you awake anyway

 **the superior™**  
hi

 **Frick Boi**  
and he calls me the walking shitpost  
wait that was shirabu right or was it yahaba

 **yahababe**  
i dont know what you’re talking about

 **Akaashi**  
?

 **the superior™**  
kawanishi here. please tell him to go to bed and rest up

 **CITY BOY**  
why arent you sleeping

 **the superior™**  
he woke me up with that damn light of his phone  
plus he’s always turning around in the bed i can’t sleep

 **Frick Boi**  
…

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **yahababe**  
oh my god  
we were right  
i knew it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you weren’t right about me

 **CITY BOY**  
BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT OTHER GUY  
semi????

 **the superior™**  
hes cute

 **Akaashi**  
What is happening

 **the superior™**  
i’m sorry that was taichi  
bye

_**the superior™** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
anyway now we know why he’s awake but why are you awake

 **Frick Boi**  
cant sleep

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he drank too much enegery and now hes dying

 **Frick Boi**  
oh my god how did you know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
it was a joke and i hate that its true

 **CITY BOY**  
well it’s only 2am and it’s saturday so

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **CITY BOY**  
???

 **Akaashi**  
It’s Sunday

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
for gods sake i cant believe i hit on you once

 **Frick Boi**  
i can ;)

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
u should say ‘excuse me, i have a boyfriend’  
its a meme

 **Akaashi**  
You’re a meme

 **yahababe**  
well hes not wrong

 **Akaashi**  
When am I ever

 **Frick Boi**  
…  
challenge accepted

 **yahababe**  
what goes up but never goes down

 **Frick Boi**  
MY DICK

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima no

 **Akaashi**  
My age

 **yahababe**  
damn

 **ennoshita**  
okay  
what has a head and a tail but no body?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
a bodyless fursona

 **yahababe**  
futakuchi stop that furry shit

 **Frick Boi**  
furrykuchi strikes again

 **Akaashi**  
A coin

 **CITY BOY**  
WOW! i wouldnt have known that one

 **Akaashi**  
You can’t win against me

 **Frick Boi**  
i challenge you to a yu gi oh battle  
you me and my freaking good deck with my blue eyes white dragon

 **CITY BOY**  
i challenge you to beyblade

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i challenge you to a pokemon battle

 **Akaashi**  
What?

 **yahababe**  
cut that otaku shit

 **Frick Boi**  
*yahaba voice*   cut that shit

 **yahababe**  
what does that mean

 **Frick Boi**  
want me to record it?

 **yahababe**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
*yahaba voice*   no

 **yahababe**  
stop it

 **CITY BOY**  
*yahaba voice* voice stop it

 **Akaashi**  
Seriously

 **Frick Boi**  
:(

 **ennoshita**  
okay i’m going to bed  
futakuchi, terushima, yahaba, you should too  
see you tomorrow

 **Frick Boi**  
we’ll take a selfie

 **yahababe**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba voice no

 **yahababe**  
i hate you

 **CITY BOY**  
yahaba voice yes

 **yahababe**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
take a selfie!! :)

 **ennoshita**  
good night

 **CITY BOY**  
good night!

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima you dont take selfies

 **Frick Boi**  
i do!

 **yahababe**  
you only take nudes

 **Akaashi**  
Which you accidentally send to you manager and captain

 **CITY BOY**  
OH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
akaashi went in and took no hostages  
anyway good night i’m off too

 **Frick Boi  
** first of all it werent nudes  
it was a dick pic  
second of all  
i hate you 

 **yahababe**  
*terushima voice* i hate you all

 **Frick Boi**  
record that for me

 **CITY BOY**  
good night futakuchi!

 **Akaashi**  
bye

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
somebody make him change his name to furrykuchi

 **yahababe**  
you do it

 **Frick Boi**  
HOW

 **CITY BOY**  
call urself Furry Boi

 **yahababe**  
furrykuchi, Furry Boi, FURRY BOY  
shit squad is no more, make place for the furry squad

 **Akaashi**  
Yahaba

 **yahababe**  
yes?

 **Akaashi**  
Go to bed

 **yahababe**  
rude  
okay good night good luck tomorrow  
haha just kidding i take it back

_**yahababe** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
did he just say ‘just kidding’

 **CITY BOY**  
wow  
ok good luck!!!! say hello to ennoshita and tanaka for me!

 **Frick Boi**  
dude no tanaka will frckng kill me

 **Akaashi**  
Wait, didn’t we ban the F-Word?

 **Frick Boi**  
… oh shit ur right  
furries cant be stopped nya

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**Akaashi**  
This is ugly

* * *

* * *

 

Shirabu looked at the chart in front of him.

They made it, they won against Seijou, but it had been a hard game. Suddenly somebody put his hand on his shoulder and he turned around to face Kawanishi.

“We won,” Shirabu said.

“Yes.” After three matches. Usually, they didn’t have that much problem to face Aoba Johsai, but this time he really thought for a while they were going to lose.

“So, who’ll be our next opponent?” he asked.

“Dateko or Karasuno,” Kawanishi replied. “They’re next. Want to watch?”

Shirabu thought for a while. Watching them would probably help, since the winner of those two would meet them later on in a match to determine who’ll go to Nationals. But he shook his head.

“No, I just want to rest.”

Kawanishi nodded. “Okay.” It was still weird dating him now, it was all so new for him. Shirabu wouldn’t say he disliked it, no, it was really nice actually.

“Tendou invited himself,” Kawanishi said. “We’re going out eating with the team.”

“Just Tendou?” Shirabu asked.

“Probably Semi too.”

Shirabu looked down. Just because he was dating Kawanishi now didn’t mean he also didn’t like Semi anymore. At least Kawanishi was okay with that, since he liked him too.

“I _hope_ Semi too,” Kawanishi corrects himself grinning and Shirabu chuckled.

“Let’s go or the bus will leave without us.”

 

* * *

 

**(June 4th  
8.43 pm)**

**ennoshita**  
is anyone here?  
i guess not  
sorry i just feel like venting  
i don’t know why i’m even here  
congrats to the other teams by the way  
i should just leave

 **CITY BOY**  
i’m here

 **ennoshita**  
hey yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
is everything okay?

 **ennoshita**  
i dont know  
i feel… i mean we lost what is there to say

 **CITY BOY**  
:(  
im sorry ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
its just… we got to nationals the last time  
and now we didnt even made it to the finale  
i feel like maybe its because of me

 **CITY BOY**  
What? Why!?

 **ennoshita**  
i’m the captain  
i feel like a failure

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA!  
you’re the best captain!

 **ennoshita**  
thanks but that doesn’t really help me right now  
our senpais are gone and they… just put the ladder so high  
you know  
and i don’t know how i could even reach it  
i feel mediocore? i’m not even as good as the others  
i don’t know why i was made captain

 **CITY BOY**  
because you’re smart and good and the backbone of the team!!!  
i know how u feel our senpais were really good too and got us to nationals!  
its hard :(

 **ennoshita**  
thank you yamamoto  
this is stupid i broke down in my first year once  
i don’t want to do that again  
i’m the captain i should be strong, right?

 **CITY BOY**  
its okay!  
u wanna talk

 **ennoshita**  
aren’t we talking right now?

 **CITY BOY**  
i mean like!! talk talk  
calling each other talk!!  
my sister says it always helps her when i talk with her when shes scared

 **ennoshita**  
…

 **CITY BOY**  
BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO  
SORRY I ASKED

 **ennoshita**  
no it’s fine thank you  
call me

 **CITY BOY**  
OKAY

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**the superior™**  
i’m too late i guess?  
but i know how you feel ennoshita  
my former captain was fricking ushijima  
how am i supposed to compete against him?  
it just feels different without the senpais  
they were all so strong and our team right now is strong but…

 **Frick Boi**  
bruh u fricking kicked our asses

 **the superior™**  
yes but you’re johzenji

 **Frick Boi**  
ex fricking cuse me

 **the superior™**  
sorry

 **Frick Boi**  
well u kicked our ass  
u kicked aoba johsais ass

 **the superior™**  
at least we still have never lost against seijou lol

 **yahababe**  
shut the frick up

 **the superior™**  
sorry

 **yahababe**  
damn right you are

 **Frick Boi**  
…  
wanna hang out or smth

 **yahababe**  
no offense i dont want to hang out with shirabu

 **the superior™**  
likewise

 **yahababe**  
because we lost against you

 **the superior™**  
oh

 **yahababe**  
whatever  
i just hope futakuchi kicks your ass

_**Frick Boi** sent an image_

**the superior™**  
what the hell is that

 **yahababe**  
terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
A DOGGO!!!!  
so cheer up  
i have more!

 **Akaashi**  
You have a dog, Terushima-san?

 **Frick Boi**  
no but my bf does

 **the superior™**  
which one  
no wait dont answer i wouldnt be able to remember

 **Frick Boi**  
r00d

_**Frick Boi** sent an image_

_**Frick Boi** sent an image_

**Frick Boi**  
i also have a birb

_**Frick Boi s** ent an image_

**Frick Boi**  
that’s birbshima!!!!!

 **the superior™**  
… you named your bird birbshima

 **Akaashi**  
I like him

 **yahababe**  
i have a dog

 **the superior™**  
kyoutani doesnt count

 **yahababe**  
frick you  
i meant a real dog

 **Frick Boi**  
so is kyoutani not real

 **yahababe**  
its my grandmas

_**yahababe** sent an image_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
are we sending each other pet pics

 **Akaashi**  
Yes

 **the superior™**  
apparently

_**futakuchi protection squad** sent an image_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
that’s aones turtle

 **Frick Boi**  
toddle  
i luv him

_**Akaashi** sent an image_

**the superior™**  
is that an owl

 **Akaashi**  
Yes

 **yahababe**  
… you’re taking the owl thing way too seriously

 **Akaashi**  
Tell that Bokuto-san

 **the superior™**  
what

 **Frick Boi**  
dont u have pets shirabu???

 **the superior™**  
i live in the dorms they don’t allow pets

_**the superior™** sent an image_

**the superior™**  
that’s semis cat

 **yahababe**  
would kawanishi like you showing pics of ur former crush

 **the superior™**  
first of all  
kawanishi likes semi too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i’m confused

 **Akaashi**  
That’s a nice cat

 **Frick Boi**  
i love him

 **the superior™**  
it’s a she  
and her name is naruto

 **yahababe**  
she’s beautiful

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
a star

 **Akaashi**  
Where is Yamamoto-san? He’d like her

 **Frick Boi**  
gettin it on with shita

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
get yamamoto away from her she’s mine

 **the superior™**  
sounds like a furry thing to say

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we will fricking smash you down in the match

 **the superior™**  
i’d like to see you try

 **yahababe**  
i’m cheering for futakuchi

 **the superior™**  
rude

 **yahababe**  
no offense

 **the superior™**  
offense taken

 **Frick Boi**  
thats not how it goes!!!  
yall

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wear a cheerleader uniform for me yahaba

 **yahababe**  
what

 **the superior™**  
do it

 **Frick Boi**  
please

 **Akaashi**  
Send me an image

 **Frick Boi**  
akakinky

 **yahababe**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
;)

 **Frick Boi**  
DO IT

 **yahababe**  
NO

 **yahababe**  
JUST DO IT!  
DONT LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS

 **the superior™**  
yesterday you said tomorrow

 **yahababe**  
stop

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
make your dreams come true!!

 **Akaashi**  
It’s more like your dream

 **futakuchi protection squ** ad  
*make my dreams come true

 **Frick Boi**  
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

 **yahababe**  
you do it then

 **Frick Boi**  
…

 **yahababe**  
no wait

 **Frick Boi**  
hey futakuchi do u even have cheerleader uniforms

 **the superior™**  
we have  
no  
don’t

 **Frick Boi**  
;)  
my shirabu  
didnt know u want to see me that bad cheering for u

 **the superior™**  
i don’t

 **Frick Boi**  
tru i’d rather see akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
What?

 **Frick Boi**  
akaashi in cheerleader uniform

 **Akaashi**  
Ours are really uncomfortable

 **yahababe**  
how do you know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
how do you know

 **the superior™**  
akaashi…

 **Akaashi**  
I don’t

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
HOW DOES HE KNOW  
GR9 NOW I CANT GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD  
ALSO JOHZENJI HAS A CHEERLEADER UNIFORM

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
who the hell cheers for you?

 **Frick Boi**  
r00d  
our soccer team is rlly good we got to nationals last year

 **the superior™**  
so?

 **Frick Boi**  
well i’m gonna steal it and wear it

 **yahababe**  
i don’t want to see it

 **the superior™**  
seconded

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i wouldnt mind

 **Frick Boi**  
i luv u

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
though i’d look better and i’d rather see akaashi

 **Frick Boi**  
rude  
none of u are nice to me, ever  
what have i ever done

 **yahababe**  
marry me

 **the superior™**  
farm kink

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
follow me to my school

 **Frick Boi**  
besides that

 **ennoshita**  
dab and tell me it’s johzenjis new special move

 **CITY BOY**  
you’ve never done anything wrong ever!!!!!

 **Frick Boi**  
OH THEY BACK  
also woah  
thats a your fav is problematic list

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you’re not our fave

 **the superior™**  
nope you’re not

 **yahababe**  
yeah no chance

 **CITY BOY**  
ur mine :)

 **Frick Boi**  
what have i dont to deserve you

 **yahababe**  
nothing

 **the superior™**  
nothing

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nothing

 **ennoshita**  
no idea

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
was that too harsh?

 **the superior™**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
no

 **yahababe**  
no

 **CITY BOY**  
STOP IT

 **the superior™**  
are you feeling better ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
yes  
sorry

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
u never need to apologize to me

 **ennoshita**  
talking with yamamoto really helped

 **CITY BOY**  
NFKSDNKfnskdnkdnknKd

 **ennoshita**  
:)

 **yahababe**  
woah  
i’m  
not gonna comment

 **Frick Boi**  
IM BACK

 **CITY BOY**  
HI

 **Frick Boi**  
i’m bringing sexy back

 **yahababe**  
where is it

 **the superior™**  
where

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
do i even have to say anything

 **Frick Boi**  
:O :O :O :O :O  
i was so sad so i listened to macklemore  
the king of gays

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **CITY BOY**  
Who????

 **Frick Boi**  
i listened to same love and i cried

 **yahababe**  
shut the frick up terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
its beautiful… our national anthem…

 **the superior™**  
it’s not even japanese

 **Frick Boi**  
NA  T ION AL ANT HEM

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i would die for macklemore

 **ennoshita**  
why are you both like this

 **Frick Boi**  
he died for our sins

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
gay jesus

 **CITY BOY**  
he is dead?!

 **the superior™**  
i can’t believe he is dead

 **ennoshita**  
stop saying he’s dead

 **Frick Boi**  
SOMETIMES I CAN STILL HEAR HIS SONGS

 **the superior™**  
can we go thrift shopping

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT IS GOING ON

 **yahababe**  
bada babda bada bada bada

 **ennoshita**  
im

 **Frick Boi**  
IM  
I(love)M(acklemore)

 **ennoshita**  
no

 **the superior™**  
n(o one loves macklem)o(re as much as i do)

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shit

 **yahababe**  
challenge accepted

 **CITY BOY**  
what

 **yahababe**  
W (ho loves him more t) HA (n i do?) T (he answer is nobo) D (y. n) O (body b) E (cau) S (e i’m his bigges) T (fan in t) H (e pl) A (ne) T (we call) E (arth. so it’s) VE (ry unlikely that a) N (ybody loves hi) M (or) E (th) AN (i do)

 **the superior™**  
what the hell

 **Frick Boi**  
i give up

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
holy shit how long did that take you

 **ennoshita**  
i can’t even be mad anymore

 **CITY BOY**  
what the hell

 **yahababe**  
shit man i can’t believe i did that

 **Frick Boi**  
you did that  
i bow to you

 **ennoshita**  
to be honest  
i’m impressed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
macklemore would be proud of you

 **ennoshita**  
no

 **CITY BOY**  
i don’t know who he is but i’m proud

 **yahababe**  
thanks

 **Frick Boi**  
i’m posting it on facebook

 **yahababe**  
you wouldn’t dare

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
DO IT

ennoshita  
just don’t mention me

 **CITY BOY**  
I’LL LIKE IT!

* * *

 

>   
>  **Terushima Yuuji** and Yahaba Shigeru, Ennoshita Chikara and 4 other people  
>  4th June

W (ho loves him more t) HA (n i do?) T (he answer is nobo) D (y. n) O (body b) E (cau) S (e i’m his bigges) T (fan in t) H (e pl) A (ne) T (we call) E (arth. so it’s) VE (ry unlikely that a) N (ybody loves hi) M (or) E (th) AN (i do) - yahaba shigeru about macklemore when asked “what does this even mean”

>   
>  **Yamamoto Taketora** , **Shirabu Kenjirou** , Futakuchi Kenjiand **5** **other people** like this

**Shirabu Kenjirou** delete this  
**13** minutes ago

 **Ennoshita Chikara** why did you have to mention me  
**12** minutes ago

 **Watari Shinji** What does this even mean?  
**11** minutes ago - **2** Likes

 **Terushima Yuuji** L MA O  
**11** minutes ago

 **Futakuchi Kenji** This is true art  
**7** minutes ago

 **Akaashi Keiji** I can’t leave you alone can I?  
**4** minutes ago

 **Yahaba Shigeru** Reported  
**2** minutes ago - **1** Like

* * *

 

 **Akaashi**  
What the hell did I miss

 **Frick Boi**  
same love

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thriftshop

 **yahababe**  
can’t hold us

 **the superior™**  
and we danced

 **ennoshita**  
a mess

 **Akaashi**  
?  
Who is Macklemore even

 **CITY BOY**  
THANK GOD

 **futakuchi protection squad  
** how do you not know who macklemore is  
you’re from tokyo  
you should know this  
we’re like small city boys  
we should be the one who know nothing of the world

 **yahababe**  
exactly  
we’re small city boys  
we’re the farmers

 **Frick Boi**  
we dem bois  
we dem farm bois

 **ennoshita**  
this hurts me to read

 **Frick Boi**  
i cant believe youre gay and dont know about our founding father, the gay iconTM

 **ennoshita**  
you’re all so ugly

 **the superior™**  
well to be honest i am surprised you don’t know him

 **Akaashi**  
I’d rather not

 **CITY BOY**  
he’s dead anyway  
…  
was that rude?

 **ennoshita**  
no it wasn’t

 **Frick Boi**  
w oah insult him again and i’m gonna pop some tags

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
NFKSDNFKDSNksk

 **yahababe**  
oh my god

 **the superior™**  
holy shit

 **CITY BOY**  
?

 **Akaashi**  
Don’t ask  
At least, I won’t ask

 **ennoshita**  
good  
please dont ask, ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry macklemore  
> also yeah its kawasemishira now i dont regret it at all all poly ships r good


	6. buzz buzz motherfricker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **CITY BOY**  
>  what about futakuchi
> 
>  **ennoshita**  
>  walls
> 
>  **CITY BOY**  
>  *iron walls
> 
>  **Frick Boi**  
>  iron dicks
> 
>  **the superior™**  
>  no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wanted to upload this earlier but ao3 was down for us all

“You‘re not wearing  a cheerleader uniform,” was the first thing Yahaba said when he saw Terushima, eyeing him. He was just wearing shorts and a T-Shirt with rolled up sleeves.

“Aw, didn’t know you wanted to see me that badly in skirts,” Terushima said, grinning, putting his arm over Yahaba’s shoulder who shook him off quickly.

“No, thanks.”

“I did wear it though,” Terushima said. “Didn’t really fit me, I stretched it, got scolded by our manager Runa. I took a picture though!”

“Is it safe for work?” someone else asked. They both turned around to see Ennoshita standing in front of the gym too, smiling.

“No,” Yahaba and Terushima replied in unison.

“How do you know?” Ennoshita’s eyebrows perked up when his eyes landed on Yahaba, who shrugged.

“It’s Terushima.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Ennoshita laughed. “I didn’t really expect you to be here.”

Yahaba shrugged. Yeah, he didn’t either. He hadn’t even told his best friend Wataru that he was here. “I wanted to see Shiratorizawa losing. Sadly, I wasn’t there when you won against them.”

“Shut up, Yahaba, we’re all here because we’re friends and support Futakuchi and Shirabu!” Terushima said.

“I support Futakuchi,” Yahaba just said. “You should too, they’re the reason Johzenji is out of the run.”

“According to your logic, I should cheer for Shiratorizawa then, because Dateko defeated us,” Ennoshita added and Yahaba didn’t know what to say.

“You win,” he said. “For now.”

Okay, he really was mostly here to see Shiratorizawa losing, but that wasn’t all. They were all kind of idiots, but Yahaba liked joking with them in the group chat and… yeah, they were sort of friends. If it wouldn’t have been for the chat, he wouldn’t have came here to watch the Finale.

Terushima took out his phone. “Let’s take a selfie for the Tokyo Kids!”

“Do we have to?” Ennoshita asked.

“Of course, man, they can’t be here, so we have to capture this! The game hasn’t started, maybe we can find Futakuchi and Shirabu somewhere too…, ” Terushima murmured and Ennoshita shook his head.

“That’s not what I meant, I mean… we kinda… Forget it.”

Yahaba raised his eyebrows. “What? We kind of what?”

“I look stupid right now,” Ennoshita said and there was a faint hint of blush on his cheeks. Terushima gasped loudly and then let out something like a scream and covered his mouth with his hand.

“Oh my god!” he shouted and then grabbed Ennoshita by his shoulders. “You’re in love with our Tiger!”

“No-”

Yahaba winced. “I second that,” he said. “What the hell happened?”

“Nothing, I’m not-”

“Did you come to cheer me on?” a voice appeared and the three of them turned around to see Futakuchi and Shirabu in their uniforms.

“Isn’t this fraternizing with the enemy?” Yahaba asked, pointing at the both of them.

Shirabu narrowed his eyes and before he could say anything, Futakuchi laughed. “You two are really tsunderes.”

“I know, right?” Terushima shouted. “Anyway, we wanted to take a selfie for the city boys, but Ennoshita, the prince thinks he doesn’t look good now for Yamamoto.”

“I did not say that,” Ennoshita said, but his cheeks were tinted with a blush. Yahaba was to be honest, surprised. He had always thought it was just a one sided crush from Yamamoto’s side. Or he was just better in hiding it in the chat.

“You look good,” Futakuchi said and stepped forward. He raised his arms and adjusted Ennoshita’s hair. “Besides, the Tiger likes you anyway.”

“Oh my god,” Ennoshita murmured.

“If you’d ever touch my hair, I’d kill you,” Shirabu said and Yahaba nodded to second that.

Terushima suddenly burst out in laughter and they all turned to him. “What?”

“You kinda all have the same hairstyle! Yahaba has it fluffy, Ennoshita and Futakuchi basically have the same and Shirabu has straight bangs! This is hilarious! I need to text Tora-”

Yahaba pinched Terushima’s cheek. “Take that back.”

“Ouch, that hurts!”

Ennoshita sighed.  “Let’s ask someone to take our picture and then you two should get going to warm up,” he said.

“Why should we ask someone?” Shirabu asked.

“We don’t have Yaoi arms,” Futakuchi explained.

“Shit,” Terushima murmured. “And here I thought I’d be good in fisting.”

Everyone but Futakuchi groaned in unison. “Dude, fisting involves the fist not the fucking arm,” Futakuchi pointed out and they all groaned again.

“Uh, how do you know?” Terushima asked.

“It’s called fisting, not arming,” Futakuchi shouted. Somebody cleared his throat behind him and they all turned around. Yahaba didn’t know who it was, but he seemed oddly familiar.

Wait… that was that one guy that used to be on Dateko’s team. They’ve played against them a few times, but Yahaba didn’t remember his name.

“What are you doing here?” Futakuchi asked.

“We’re here to cheer you- I mean, your team on,” he said and then turned to greet Ennoshita.

“Oh, that’s Kamasaki,” Shirabu said. “Is that how you know it’s fisting and not arming?”

Futakuchi’s face turned red. “Shut up, Shitabu,” he snarled at him.

Yahaba cackled, trying hard to suppress his laughter.

“Hey, could you take a picture for us?” Ennoshita asked and gave Kamasaki his phone.

“Sure,” Kamasaki said and took the phone into his hands.

“We should pose,” Terushima suggested. “Special Move!”

“Terushima, we will not dab,” Yahaba said.

“I will dab.”

“You want this picture to be taken or not?” Kamasaki asked and the others sighed.

“How about this… everyone makes a pose they want,” Ennoshita said.

“No, then you’ll just all stand there and smile,” Futakuchi said. “Everyone will make the pose, the person right to them tells them to.”

Yahaba stared to his right, where Shirabu was standing and grinning at him. “Veto!” he shouted.

“Hey, no big deal, Terushima is on his right side, he’ll probably have to dab,” Futakuchi said. “What could possibly be worse?”

“I can think of some things,” Shirabu said.

“Okay! I’ll start! Shirabu has to twerk!” Terushima shouted.

“What? No! I wanted to dab!” Shirabu shouted and Yahaba grinned.

“‘I wanted to dab’, an actual thing Shirabu said,” he quoted his rival and Shirabu glared at him.

“Fine, then Yahaba has to squat and make the V-Sign. This one.” Shirabu stretched out his tongue and put his V-Sign in front of his.

“This might not have been a good idea after all,” Futakuchi whispered to Ennoshita.

“Fine. Futakuchi has to do a handstand,” Yahaba said.

“What?! What if I can’t do one? I’m not that flexible!”

“Oh, you are,” Kamasaki said.

“One more comment and we’re through,” Futakuchi snarled. “Ennoshita, you give me your best seductive supermodel pose. I bet Yamamoto will appreciate it.”

Ennoshita stared at him and then at the other ones who were all looking at him seriously. “You guys are ride or die, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Come on, I could’ve said you have to twerk, this isn’t that bad,” Futakuchi said.

“Fine. Terushima, you dab.”

“No, that’s boring!” Terushima complained.

“Get on your fours and be a furry then,” Shirabu snarled at him.

“You’re kidding, right?”

Ennoshita smiled innocently. “That’s a good idea, Shirabu.”

“Put your leg up so you look like a dog taking a piss,” Yahaba added and they all laughed.

“You’re the worst.”

“Okay, let’s take the picture. Can you send this to me later?” Kamasaki asked Ennoshita. Everyone shouted ‘NO!’ in unison.

As soon as they all got into their pose, Yahaba thought he wanted to die. This was fucking embarrassing and the worst was that they were still in the gymnasium and people were walking past them, wondering who those weird kids were.

“Is it done already? I can’t hold out that long!” Futakuchi complained.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Futakuchi collapsed onto the ground and Ennoshita helped him up again. “Those were the worst ten seconds of my life,” he said.

“It weren’t even five,” Kamasaki said and handed him the phone back.

“It felt like an hour,” Yahaba murmured.

“Well, now that Futakuchi embarrassed himself enough it won’t be so bad when he loses,” Shirabu said when they all surrounded themselves around Ennoshita to take a look on the picture. “Come on, let’s go.”

When the three of them left, including Kamasaki who searched for his friends, Ennoshita shook his head.

“We can’t send this to them,” he said.

“Oh, we absolutely can,” Terushima insisted.

* * *

 

**(June 22nd  
8.28pm)**

_**ennoshita** sent an image_

**ennoshita**  
please don‘t look at this

 **CITY BOY**  
OH MY GOD

 **Akaashi**  
Did they threaten you

 **ennoshita**  
… kind of

 **Akaashi**  
Did they take your family hostage

 **yahababe**  
i wish they have, at least i‘d have an explanation in case this ever gets in somebody else‘s hand

 **CITY BOY**  
I LOVE IT

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **Akaashi**  
It‘s… creative

 **yahababe**  
you have to take one too

 **CITY BOY**  
okay!

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **ennoshita**  
please :)

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA SAID PLEASE!

 **yahababe**  
persuade him more ennoshita…

 **Akaashi**  
I will not do that  
By the way, late question, but who won?

 **Frick Boi**  
GO GO LETS GO  
LETS GO  
DA TE KO

 **CITY BOY**  
wow not shiratorizawa?  
CONGRATS FUTAKUCHI!

 **ennoshita**  
he‘s probably celebrating with his team mates right now

 **yahababe**  
i‘m glad he won but

 **Frick Boi**  
ur still salty

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **Frick Boi**  
Salty McSaltSalt

 **Akaashi**  
I hope we‘ll meet in Nationals

 **Frick Boi**  
IM GONNA COME AND CHEER U ON  
in fact, we will all come  
and take another glorious picture

 **yahababe**  
no

 **ennoshita**  
no

 **Akaashi**  
No I think not

 **CITY BOY**  
but it would be fun if we‘d all meet together!

 **Akaashi**  
It will be a disaster

 **yahababe**  
yeah  
today came really close and it was a disaster  
the picture is evidence

 **ennoshita**  
oh god don‘t bring it up again

 **CITY BOY**  
who took it???

 **Frick Boi**  
futakuchis boy toyTM

 **Akaashi**  
It‘s nice that he came to watch

 **CITY BOY**  
does bokuto come to watch to ur games too

 **Akaashi**  
Unfortunately

 **yahababe**  
why unfortunately?

 **ennoshita**  
it sounds cute

 **Akaashi**  
It‘s Bokuto.

 **Frick Boi**  
what does that mean

 **Akaashi**  
Do you know those embarrassing parents that go to their children‘s play and cheer so loudly for them screaming ‚That‘s my child!‘ even though they‘re only tree #2.

 **yahababe**  
…  
thats  
oddly  
specific

 **CITY BOY**  
but ur not tree #2 ur the setter and captain!

 **Akaashi**  
I suppose

 **ennoshita**  
i can see that its kind of embarrassing  
but it is a nice gesture

 **Frick Boi**  
JUST ADMIT YOU LIKE IT

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, I like it.

 **CITY BOY**  
… so … you like that kind of thing too.. ennoshita

 **yahababe**  
i swear to god if you two start this i‘m gonna log out

 **Frick Boi**  
no let them continue sounds compelling  
so you like this kind of thing too ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m logging out

 **CITY BOY**  
Oh :(  
r u mad at me  
is it still okay for me to call u 2day

 **ennoshita**  
…  
yeah

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**yahababe**  
wait what  
YOU TWO TALK OVER THE PHONE?  
what the hell did i miss

 **Frick Boi**  
yamamoto is getting the… d

 **Akaashi**  
This is surprising

 **CITY BOY**  
OH ITS  
uh  
since the last time u know  
after i called ennoshita to cheer him up and talk  
weve been talking over the phone ever since  
uh

 **yahababe**  
wow  
this explains a lot

 **Frick Boi**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **Frick Boi**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **yahababe**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Frick Boi**  
no not you

 **yahababe**  
what, why?

 **Frick Boi**  
yamamoto gets the d, so do semi and futakuchi and akaashi and me  
ur still the only one left  
go confess to ur mad dog before u make the lenny face

 **yahababe**  
WHAT

 **CITY BOY**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   

 **Akaashi**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **yahababe**  
traitors  
all of you

_**yahababe** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
hey one q

 **CITY BOY**  
im all ears

 **Frick Boi**  
do u read fanfiction

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **CITY BOY**  
What is fanfiction

 **Frick Boi**  
never mind

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

 

* * *

 

**(June 30th  
4.09pm)**

**futakuchi protection squad**  
Rip me we have another training camp

 **the superior™**  
wow that must be so hard for you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
sorry

 **yahababe**  
shiratorizawa isnt used to not going to nationals two times in a row huh

 **the superior™**  
…

 **Akaashi**  
That was uncalled for

 **yahababe**  
okay i’m sorry

 **CITY BOY**  
did you just apologize

 **yahababe**  
yeah

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wow

 **the superior™**  
we‘ll get you next time

 **yahababe**  
no we will

 **CITY BOY**  
same!!! see you the next nationals

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
at least i‘ll see akaashi ;)

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
you have to say uh… i have a bf,

 **Akaashi**  
I won‘t do that

 **Frick Boi**  
:/  
ANYWAY WE‘LL COME 2 CHEER U BOTH ON

 **the superior™**  
is that necessary

 **Frick Boi**  
ya

 **CITY BOY**  
YES

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thanks

 **Frick Boi**  
we‘ll bring a big ass banner with us

 **Akaashi**  
If it says ‘The Wiener Soldiers‘, then I don‘t know you

 **CITY BOY**  
THATS A GOOD IDEA! **ennoshita** i don‘t know you

 **CITY BOY**  
:(

 **yahababe**  
fksdnkdnfkfg

 **the superior™**  
confessed to your dog yet

 **yahababe**  
frick you

 **Frick Boi**  
SPEAKING OF DOGS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
?

 **Frick Boi**  
SO  
REMEMBER WHEN I A SKED U IF U READ FANFICTION  
A FEW DAYS AGO

 **Akaashi**  
What does that have to do with dogs  
But yes, why?

 **CITY BOY**  
yeah!! i actually googled it

 **the superior™**  
you read fanfiction?  
of what, spongebob?

 **yahababe**  
shrek

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shrek x reader

 **ennoshita**  
shrek x spongebob

 **Frick Boi**  
wow  
nO

 **the superior™**  
naruto?

 **Frick Boi**  
i mean

 **the superior™**  
that was a joke

 **yahababe**  
seriously?

 **Akaashi**  
What about it?

 **Frick Boi**  
SO I NEVER READ ANY BEFORE  
BUT  
LIKE  
ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS

 **yahababe**  
is an otaku

 **ennoshita**  
likes self insert fics

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
writes fanfiction

 **Akaashi**  
Do i want to know

 **CITY BOY**  
which one?

 **Frick Boi**  
futamata  
anyway, i was like hey babe sext me  
but he was like no  
rude, right

 **yahababe**  
you have like 6 boyfriends  
if one doesnt want to you still have 5 left

 **CITY BOY**  
that sure is efficient

 **the superior™**  
yeah i can affirm

 **yahababe**  
what

 **the superior™**  
oh i‘m dating kawanishi and semi

 **yahababe**  
WHAT

 **ennoshita**  
congrats

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m glad for you

 **yahababe**  
WHAT

 **Frick Boi**  
yahaba has a crisis bc he has 0 bfs tfw no bf

 **yahababe**  
shut ur mouth  
but WHAT

 **the superior™**  
:)

 **CITY BOY**  
!! IM HAPPY FOR U  
**Frick Boi** .. aaaanyway futamata sent me a fic and was like read this when ur so bored so i did and

 **ennoshita**  
now you like fanfiction

 **Frick Boi**  
PRETTY MUCH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
link me

 **Frick Boi**  
what r ur kinks

 **Akaashi**  
No

 **the superior™**  
please no….

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bondage

 **ennoshita**  
ENOUGH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
:/

 **yahababe**  
okay out of curiosity  
u like being tied up or tying someone up

 **CITY BOY**  
ENNOSHITA SAID ENOUGH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
;)

 **Akaashi**  
How do I leave this group without any of you adding me back in

 **the superior™**  
block us

 **Yahababe**  
block

 **Akaashi**  
Thank you

 **the superior™**  
do you know how to block?

 **yahababe**  
you go to contacts  
and then right click  
block

 **Akaashi**  
That is very helpful

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nooo

 **CITY BOY**  
dont leave me alone!

 **yahababe**  
no problem

 **ennoshita**  
we need you

 **Frick Boi**  
not the hero we deserve  
but the hero we need

 **ennoshita**  
it‘s the other way round

 **Frick Boi**  
oh

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what fanfic did you just send me

 **Frick Boi**  
its a good one  
it‘s dragon ball z

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i dont even watch dragon ball!!

 **CITY BOY**  
I LOVE DBZ!

 **Frick Boi**  
i can send it to you too!

 **Akaashi**  
Terushima-san, I will block you

 **ennoshita**  
seconded

 **the superior™**  
thirded

 **yahababe**  
fourthed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hey this is not that bad

 **Frick Boi**  
I /KNOW/ RIGHT

 **ennoshita**  
help

 **yahababe**  
which pairing is it  
goku and vegeta

 **the superior™**  
trunks is kind of a twink

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **ennoshita**  
NO

 **Frick Boi**  
FNSDKFSDBHFBHJSF

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
IM CRYING

 **yahababe**  
why, because he has pink hair?

 **the superior™**  
yeah

 **yahababe**  
shirabu  
not to be rude but  
have you ever even watched dbz

 **the superior™**  
no

 **ennoshita**  
that explains a lot

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what does that even mean!!!!!  
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS A/B/O

 **Frick Boi**  
WELL

 **the superior™**  
a bee orgy

 **Akaashi**  
A Beautiful Ocean

 **Frick Boi**  
a bread orgasm

 **yahababe**  
a ball obsession

 **CITY BOY**  
a bad orange

 **ennoshita**  
a bondage offer

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i hate every single one of you

 **Akaashi**  
What does it mean, though?

 **Frick Boi**  
alpha beta omega

 **the superior™**  
why alpha beta omega  
going from the greek alphabet it should be alpha beta gamma

 **Frick Boi**  
FBHKSdkndfknkfnkFNKDS

 **ennoshita**  
i mean  
you‘re not wrong

 **yahababe**  
amazing

 **Frick Boi**  
IT HAS TO DO WITH WOLF HIERARCHY

 **Akaashi**  
So it‘s about furries  
Fitting for you, Futakuchi-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
I SWEAR TO GOD AKAASHI

 **CITY BOY**  
OH IS IT A WOLF STORY

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
NO ITS DRAGON BALL PORN

 **ennoshita**  
dragon balls

 **the superior™**  
GET OUT

 **yahababe**  
oh my god

 **Frick Boi**  
BOI

 **CITY BOY**  
omg

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
dragon ball anal beads

 **yahababe**  
KICK HIM OUT OF HERE

 **ennoshita**  
noooo

 **Frick Boi**  
BFHJSHJBdbhjfdhbjfvbhjfgbhj

 **CITY BOY**  
WHY

_**Akaashi** removed **futakuchi protection squad** from ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ‘_

**Akaashi**  
Finally some peace

 **Frick Boi**  
shove 7 up ur ass and u can summon shenron and make a wish

_**the superior™** removed **Frick Boi** from ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ‘_

**the superior™**  
feels good  
feels organic

 **ennoshita**  
oooh my god  
i‘m laughing too hard about it, though, don‘t tell them

 **yahababe**  
do you think they‘re having a private chat about it right now

 **the superior™**  
they most likely do

 **Akaashi**  
That‘s even worse

 **CITY BOY**  
ADD THEM BACK IN

 **ennoshita**  
i think that would be the only logic choice  
we need to save them from themselves

_**ennoshita** added **futakuchi protection squad** and **Frick Boi** to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ‘_

**Frick Boi**  
COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT US HUH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hi we talked about beyblade

 **the superior™**  
let me guess  
beyblade let it rip

 **Frick Boi**  
MY ASS

 **yahababe**  
noooooo  
NO.

 **Akaashi**  
This groupchat has ruined enough childhood things for me

 **ennoshita**  
This is horrible  
I still have a beyblade

 **Frick Boi**  
use it on yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
TERUSHIMA

 **ennoshita**  
I SWEAR TO GOD

 **the superior™**  
frick

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ANYWAYS

 **yahababe**  
i hate this so much

 **Frick Boi**  
you‘re laughing arent you

 **yahababe**  
i hate you both

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
btw i just finished reading that was actually good

 **Frick Boi**  
I TOLD YOU SO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i like abo

 **the superior™**  
furrykuchi

 **CITY BOY**  
i still dont get it

 **yahababe**  
petition to add gammas

 **the superior™**  
tag yourself i‘m a gamma

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m dead and non existent

 **Frick Boi**  
WHAT CAN GAMMAS DO

 **the superior™**  
kick your ass

 **yahababe**  
Sounds convincing  
i‘m a gamma

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
same

 **Akaashi**  
I still don‘t understand it

 **Frick Boi**  
SO THERE ARE ALPHAS AND OMEGAS AND  
betas but nobody cares about betas

 **ennoshita**  
that‘s rude

 **yahababe**  
discrimination

 **Frick Boi**  
and omegas can get pregnant from alphas

 **Akaashi**  
…  
I have no words

 **Frick Boi**  
i just realized how fricked up that sounds when u try to explain it

 **yahababe**  
please keep that furry thing out of here

 **the superior™**  
can i give constructive criticism

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes go ahead

 **the superior™**  
it fricking sucks

 **FRICK BOI**  
THATS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

 **CITY BOY**  
and its based off wolf hierarchy

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
basically  
its a western thing

 **ennoshita**  
are all westerns furries

 **CITY BOY**  
could we like  
technically invent something ourselves

 **Akaashi**  
Explain

 **CITY BOY**  
bee hierarchy

 **yahababe**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
no let him talk it sounds interesting

 **CITY BOY**  
there‘s a queen bee  
and workers  
and then the male drones

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we call it queen workers drones  
q/w/d

 **Frick Boi**  
YALL

 **the superior™**  
they lay eggs

 **ennoshita**  
D:

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m disturbed

 **yahababe**  
do they die after sex

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you bet your ass they do

 **Frick Boi**  
adds to the angst

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m disturbed

 **CITY BOY**  
they all live together like  
in the bee movie

 **the superior™**  
NO

 **yahababe**  
this is where i draw the line!!!!

 **Frick Boi**  
hey! thats a good idea!

 **CITY BOY**  
thank u!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
sounds hot i‘m in

 **Akaashi**  
Futakuchi-san

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **Akaashi**  
For that comment alone, we‘ll defeat you at Nationals

 **Frick Boi**  
OOHHHH AKAASHI IS ABOUT TO GET REAL

 **yahababe**  
please kick his ass in behalf of all of us

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
challenge accepted  
loser has to write a q/w/d fanfiction

 **Akaashi**  
No, you‘d probably enjoy it

 **the superior™**  
we‘ll all come just so we can see futakuchi being destroyed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you‘re all mean

 **Frick Boi**  
i know that feeling

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m in

 **Frick Boi**  
don‘t forget the banner

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m out

 **yahababe**  
i‘m not gonna make it

 **Frick Boi**  
DONT WORRY; I WILL

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i will pretend that i don‘t know you

 **Akaashi**  
Me too

 **Frick Boi**  
i should get started

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**the superior™**  
he‘s joking right

 **yahababe**  
it‘s terushima

 **the superior™**  
what does that mean

 **yahababe**  
… i don‘t know either tbh

 **ennoshita**  
he‘s joking

 **CITY BOY**  
are you sure

 **ennoshita**  
he better

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he better or i‘ll spank a ball against his head

 **Akaashi**  
Please do

 **CITY BOY**  
we‘ll see!!  
i‘m excited to meet you guys!

 **the superior™**  
it‘s okay  
you can say ennoshita

 **yahababe**  
i was gonna say that

 **ennoshita**  
me too!

 **yahababe**  
wait what  
where is ennoshita‘s usual ‘shut up‘

 **ennoshita**  
shut up

 **the superior™**  
there it is

* * *

 

**(July 21st  
5.41 pm)**

**Frick Boi**  
SUNS OUT GUNS OUT ITS SUMMER BREAK BITCHES

 **CITY BOY**  
YEEEEEEES

 **Frick Boi**  
the only acceptable clothing for this weather  
1) muscle shirts  
2) shorts  
3) nothing

 **Akaashi**  
Terushima-san

 **Frick Boi**  
yes?

 **Akaashi**  
You literally sound like a Frickboy right now

 **ennoshita**  
he‘s right

 **Frick Boi**  
i swear to god!! im just happy its summer break

 **yahababe**  
me too

 **the superior™**  
hi

 **ennoshita**  
hey

 **Akaashi**  
Hello

 **CITY BOY**  
SHIRABU DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR THE SUMMER

 **the superior™**  
… i‘m going to visit my parents

 **Akaashi**  
Right, you live in dorms

 **the superior™**  
yes and then taichi and i will stay over at semi‘s place for a while too

 **Frick Boi  
** i‘m jealous

 **ennoshita**  
you literally have enough boyfriends

 **Frick Boi**  
ur right :)

 **the superior™**  
what about you?

 **Akaashi**  
Nothing special

 **ennoshita**  
me neither

 **CITY BOY**  
my little sister wants to go to disney land so i‘m taking her

 **Frick Boi**  
bruh thats so sweet of u

 **ennoshita  
** it is

 **the superior™**  
“my little sister“ wants to go   
i bet its you who wants to

 **CITY BOY**  
SO WHAT IF I DO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he wants to hug shrek

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi   
for the HUNDREDTH TIME   
SHREK  
IS NOT  
DISNEY

 **Frick Boi**  
ennoshita gets very passionate about movies

 **the superior™**  
obviously

 **CITY BOY**  
tell him!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
then he wants to hug barry the bee

 **ennoshita**  
thatS NOT DISNEY EITHER   
disney wouldn‘t show us this ugly movie

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
disney gave us the furries from zootopia

 **Frick Boi**  
it was a good movie tho

 **Akaashi**  
You said the bara tigers could “get it“

 **the superior™**  
i remember

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
speaking like the true furry you are

 **Frick Boi**  
you were the one who put in the furry copypasta

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i rest my case

 **ennoshita**  
anyway disney land sounds fun!   
i‘ve never been there

 **CITY BOY**  
really?  
you could  
join us  
if you want

 **the superior™  
** yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
yes?

 **the superior™**  
if you want to ask ennoshita out CALL HIM OR DM HIM BUT DONT DO IT IN THE GROUPCHAT

 **CITY BOY  
** oh my bad

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
when will my prince come and ask me out to disney land

 **the superior™**  
go make it official with kamasaki

 **Akaashi**  
Are you a couple counsellor now

 **Frick Boi**  
shirabu got himself 2 bfs and thinks he‘s the shitTM now

 **yahababe**  
good one

 **the superior™**  
you always come onlinw in the right moment dont you

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **Akaashi**  
Anyway, we‘re having a training camp in a week

 **the superior™**  
with ennoshita and yamamoto?

 **Akaashi**  
Yes

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
my condolences

 **Akaashi**  
Why?

 **Frick Boi**  
they gonna be like newly weds its just a matter of time until they get together

 **the superior™**  
i can‘t believe we got to witness their development our own two eyes i wish i hadn‘t

 **yahababe**  
me neither

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you have no one

 **yahababe**  
had it not been for the laws of this land, i would‘ve slaughtered you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kinky

 **Akaashi**  
Don‘t do that yet I still want to play against him  
That reminds me, I should go now Bye

 **the superior™**  
bye

 **yahababe**  
damn the voice of reason is gone

_**Akaashi** is offline_

**Frick Boi**  
voice of reason?  
more like voice of TREASON ha get it

 **ennoshita  
** i‘m back

 **the superior™**  
where were you

 **CITY BOY**  
oh we were talking on the phone

 **Frick Boi**  
BRO CALL ME ASAP AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

 **ennoshita**  
don‘t  
i said yes by the way

 **the superior™  
** …

 **yahababe**  
congrats

 **futakuchi protection squad  
** congrats  
i have to go now too  
bye kids dont stay up too late  
dont flirt too much

 **the superior™**  
tell that them

 **CITY BOY**  
tell that who

 **Frick Boi**  
you

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
i‘m glad we‘ll see each other in training camp soon!

 **Frick Boi**  
FUTAKUCHI SAID NO FLIRTING

 **ennoshita**  
shut up terushima

 **CITY BOY**  
exactly shut up

 **Frick Boi**  
what the  
i‘m  
i‘m hate you

 **yahababe**  
wow

 **CITY BOY  
** WE ALL SHOULD GO HANG OUT SOME TIME **  
**

**yahababe  
** should we

 **CITY BOY**  
I COULD SHOW YOU TOKYO!

 **the superior™**  
we‘re more people you come over to miyagi

 **CITY BOY**  
there‘s nothing in miyagi

 **Frick Boi**  
THERES ME

 **yahababe**  
ennoshita

 **the superior™**  
ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
me

 **CITY BOY  
** oh okay

 **ennoshita  
** just kidding it would be nice if we could meet up in tokyo! it‘s summer break anyway!

 **yahababe**  
okay then show us the city but i don‘t expect much from someone who doesn‘t know macklemore

 **ennoshita**  
omg

 **CITY BOY**  
i know him now!

 **Frick Boi  
** lets go to the BEACH EACH

 **CITY BOY**  
… is that macklemore

 **Frick Boi**  
no thats my mom nicki

 **the superior™  
** please i want to go to the beach

 **yahababe**  
why

 **the superior™**  
1) drown you  
2) bury terushima in sand

 **Frick Boi  
** you mean  
1) see terushima half naked

 **the superior™**  
3) let the tide drown terushima

 **ennoshita**  
that‘s a good idea

 **Frick Boi  
** WAIT WHAT

 **ennoshita**  
i meant the beach part

 **yahababe  
** don‘t lie you meant the other part too

 **CITY BOY**  
i will rescue you!

 **Frick Boi**  
bro i cant always count on u you know what we should do tho

 **ennoshita** w  
hat?

 **Frick Boi**  
A ROAD TRIP I GET MY CAR YOU MAKE A MIXTAPE

 **the superior™**  
can i make a playlist

 **yahababe**  
no

 **Frick Boi**  
put same love by macklemore on repeat

 **ennoshita  
** shrek soundtrack

 **CITY BOY**  
bee movie but every time they say bee it gets faster

 **the superior™  
** stop bRINGING UP THE BEE MOVIE

 **Frick Boi**  
we end the day with snuggling together watching the bee movie,

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m

 **CITY BOY  
** please

 **ennoshita**  
where should we watch the movie anyways

 **CITY BOY**  
you could all come over to my place!

 **Frick Boi  
** can i get a HELL YEAH

 **CITY BOY  
** HELL YEAH

 **the superior™  
** how is that showing us the city

 **CITY BOY  
** SLEEPOVER

 **ennoshita**  
you want all of us to sleep over

 **CITY BOY**  
i mean it would be cramped but also fun!

 **Frick Boi  
** ive read a lot of fanfiction to know where that leads

 **yahababe**  
you, shut your god damn mouth

 **Frick Boi**  
:/

 **ennoshita**  
we should discuss everything when akaashi and futakuchi are online

 **yahababe**  
futakuchi would agree to the playlist

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi would agree to bee movie but every time they say bee it gets faster

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi would agree to everything

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi is writing a q/w/d fic right in this very moment

 **Frick Boi** futakuchi would roleplay q/w/d with kamasaki

 **CITY BOY**  
i‘d read it

 **ennoshita**  
NO.

 **Frick Boi**  
same tho

 **yahababe**  
dramatic reading of futakuchi‘s q/w/d fic

 **Frick Boi**  
we should do it

 **ennoshita**  
a podcast  
i mean, no

 **Frick Boi**  
WITH SEVERAL ROLES  
make buzz sounds when ur character has an orgasm  
im coming BUZZ BUZZ

 **the superior™**  
ew

 **yahababe**  
what the hell

 **Frick Boi**  
@ futakuchi make it happen

 **the superior™**  
no

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m disgusted

 **CITY BOY**  
… how do you make buzzing sounds

 **Frick Boi**  
im gonna send u a voice mail

 **the superior™**  
terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
Ok i wont ,

 **ennoshita**  
good

 **the superior™**  
terushima

 **Frick Boi**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
you‘re a bee already

 **Frick Boi**  
explain

 **the superior™**  
johzenji is black and yellow

 **yahababe**  
oh my god

 **ennoshita**  
shit you‘re right

 **CITY BOY**  
BFHJSBDBHJBHJDS  
TERUSHIMA IS A BEE

 **Frick Boi**  
LISTEN  
NO  
LEAF ME OLONE

 **the superior™**  
buzz buzz motherfricker

 **Frick Boi**  
i hate you shirabu  
what have i ever done to you,

 **the superior™**  
the wank king

 **ennoshita**  
terushima the bee

 **yahababe**  
draw a beesona

 **Frick Boi**  
WE‘RE NOT BEES

 **the superior™**  
we‘re eagles  
karasuno are crows  
nekoma are cats  
fukurodani owls  
and johzenji is a bee

 **yahababe**  
what are we

 **the superior™**  
shitty

 **yahababe**  
nevermind

 **CITY BOY**  
what about futakuchi

 **ennoshita**  
walls

 **CITY BOY**  
*iron walls

 **Frick Boi**  
iron dicks

 **the superior™**  
no

 **yahababe**  
this is literally the reason we always pick on you  
terushima for gods sake

 **Frick Boi**  
:/  
*sad buzz*

 **ennoshita**  
haha i guess that really… stung huh

 **Frick Boi**  
ENNOSHITA YOU FRICKING TRAITOR

 **CITY BOY**  
NICE KILL ENNOSHITA

 **yahababe**  
i love you

 **the superior™**  
amazing

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
the evil is defeated

 **yahababe**  
that make me hapbee

 **the superior™**  
dont try to bee funny

 **CITY BOY**  
thats a good one yahaba  
hive five

 **ennoshita**  
can we stop?  
it really bugs me

 **yahababe**  
omg  
you‘re a keeper

 **the superior™**  
SHIT  
i love it  
you could say its the bees knees

 **ennoshita**  
wasp up

 **CITY BOY**  
i‘m out of bee puns

 **ennoshita**  
thats okay honey

 **CITY BOY**  
!!!

 **the superior™**  
you called him honey

 **ennoshita**  
it was a pun!

 **yahababe**  
YOU CALLED HIM HONEY

 **ennoshita**  
it was a pun

 **the superior™**  
DONT BE A BUZZKILL

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
HE CALLED ME HONEY

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to my pal nikita for the dragon ball anal beads  
> and to the sponge squad and ushioi squad for the a/b/o talk  
> and stella because we both had the idea of bee hierarchy fics
> 
> also sorry for ppl who like abo.... but lbr its kinda furryish


	7. saltshaker @ beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know! I think of a number from 0 to 1000 and the one who‘s closest can sit in the passenger seat!"
> 
> "It‘s 69!" Futakuchi, Yahaba and Shirabu shouted in unison.
> 
> Terushima pouted. "No," he said. "It‘s not. I can‘t believe you. That‘s really immature, who do you think I am?"
> 
> "Is it 420?" Akaashi asked and Terushima‘s face lit up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me a long while sorry i had exams and stuff anyway im back and this ch is also longer than the others so i guess??? :D also not much chat form in here

**(August 9th  
10.12am)**

**the superior™**  
we still have time to change our mind

**futakuchi protection squad**  
shut yo ass

**the superior™**  
i don‘t want to die

**CITY BOY**  
you wont die!!!!!

**the superior™**  
YOURE not the one who has to sit in terushimas car

**CITY BOY**  
fair enough

**Frick Boi**  
ROOD

**the superior™**  
…  
aren‘t you  
driving right now  


**futakuchi protection squad**  
he is  
and youre right

**the superior™**  
someone please take the phone away from him

**futakuchi protection squad**  
done  
ok we‘ve picked up ennoshita  


**CITY BOY**  
say hi from me!!

**the superior™**  
who gave him a car  
who thought itd be a good idea to make him get a drivers license

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hi back from enno  
stop whining we‘re on our way 2 u  


**the superior™**  
we can take the train

**CITY BOY**  
STOP WHINING  


_**futakuchi protection squad** sent an image_  


**the superior™**  
what the hell is terushima wearing  
i don‘t want to be seen with you like this

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
lmao  
ennoshita said the same  
terushima is crying rn   
stop being so mean to him

 **CITY BOY**  
i think he looks swell!!!  


**ennoshita**  
dont ever wear that

**CITY BOY**  
okay

* * *

  


  


To be fair, it was really hot. So hot, that Yahaba was so not looking forward to sit with four other guys in a car. It was going to be disgusting and sweaty and he so didn‘t want to sit in the middle of the back. 

He had sunglasses on his eyes and was waiting outside under the shadow of a tree, when the car arrived in front of his house. The windows to it were curled down and Terushima leaned out of his with a big grin on his lips.

"Get in loser, we‘re going shopping."

Yahaba raised his eyebrows. "Cute car." It was a family car with eight seats. 

"Shut up, Yahaba. My family has a lot of kids," Terushima replied. Yahaba just smiled and opened the door to the car to sit in the last row.

Suddenly, Shirabu turned around to Yahaba. "What?"

"Don‘t fight," Ennoshita said, sighing, which made Futakuchi from the front cackle.

"If Yahaba sits there," Shirabu said, "Yamamoto will probably want to sit here because of Ennoshita. I don‘t want to sit in the row where three people are."

Ennoshita let out a loud, frustrated groan. "Are you kidding me?"

"No," Shirabu said.

Terushima honked. "C‘mon, we don‘t have all day!"

Ennoshita groaned, took off his seatbelt and slid over to the middle seat. Yahaba smiled when he opened the door and sat next to him. "Thanks, Ennoshita."

"I‘m not surprised the first fight already started when we picked you up," Shirabu said, looking out of the window.

"Oh my god," Ennoshita groaned between them. "Will you both shut up?"

"I dare you to sit here." Yahaba smirked and stretched himself all over the backseat.

"Oh my god," Futakuchi shouted. "Get a fucking room!"

"No thank you," Shirabu said, turning up front again. "Unlike Yahaba I get laid plenty."

Everyone bursted out in laughter, even Ennoshita was trying hard to hold it back, hiding his mouth with his palms. Yahaba glared at the back of Shirabu‘s head. He‘ll get back to him, he was sure of it. When they all calmed down, Terushima turned around to them.

"Are ya ready kids?" he shouted.

"Aye Aye captain! Aw, come on, I can‘t be the only one, can I?" Futakuchi complained.

"It‘s okay, Shirabu‘s mixtape has the song," Terushima said.

"Don‘t call it my _mixtape_ ," Shirabu pleaded. "And most of these are your songs you wanted to have on the playlist."

Futakuchi started playing the first song, which was indeed the Spongebob Opening Theme. "Okay, let‘s go. Ennoshita‘s lover boy and the pretty owl are waiting for us."

"Don‘t call him that," Ennoshita mumbled.

* * *

  


**(1.46pm)**

**Akaashi**  
Where are you?

**ennoshita**  
sorry  
theyre being stupid  


**CITY BOY**  
?????  


**ennoshita**  
terushima and futakuchi try to get their way to tokyo  
without  
navigation  


**Akaashi**  
**What**  


**ennoshita**  
yeah  
like i said, stupid  
meanwhile yahaba and shirabu  
are like children fighting  


**CITY BOY**  
im sorry enno :(

**ennoshita**  
its okay  
its not /that/ bad

**Akaashi**  
Really?

**ennoshita**  
well we listened to the intro of bee movie like 10 times  
i know it by heart now  
we all sang to the entire shrek playlist

**CITY BOY**  
even shirabu

**ennoshita**  
yeah especially shirabu  
so yeah we‘re gonna be late  
how are you?

 **Akaashi**  
Don‘t ask  
We‘re watching Naruto

**ennoshita**  
what

* * *

  


"Akaashi," Ennoshita said once they arrived. He put his hands on the other male‘s shoulder. "I hate you."

Akaashi raised his eyebrows. "That‘s new."

"You mentioned Naurot, so they listened to the Naruto Opening. Over and over again," Ennoshita explained.

"It was horrible," Shirabu agreed. Ennoshita turned to him.

"Who was the one who made the playlist?"

Shirabu shrugged. "Terushima sent me the songs."

"No," Terushima shouted. "I mean, yeah, I did! But I didn‘t send you the Naruto OP! You did that yourself!"

Shirabu shook his head. "I have no idea what you‘re talking about."

Ennoshita sighed and put his arms down. As soon as this was over, Yamamoto was smiling brightly at him. 

"Hi," he greeted him. They haven‘t seen each other since the Training Camp, which to be honest, wasn‘t that long ago. The both of them have gotten closer during that time. Already before, ever since Yamamoto had calmed him down with a phone call which… had changed a lot between them.

"Yamamoto!" Terushima shouts and swings and arm around Yamamoto. "I can‘t believe this. It‘s the first time we‘re meeting and you only have eyes for Ennoshita! I thought we were bros!"

Yamamoto laughed. "We _are_!" 

"No," Akaashi said. "Not with that shirt."

"What are you? The fashion police?" Terushima asked. His shirt was horrible though. It was a white tank top that had golden letters that said 'I don‘t suck cock, but 20 dollars is 20 dollars‘. 

"No, he‘s right," Yahaba said. "Put something else on or take your shirt off."

Terushima smirked widely. "Oh, Yahaba, you really wanna get laid that bad, huh? I accept."

"I hate you," Yahaba murmured. 

Futakuchi clapped into the hands. "Okay, so. Let‘s get into the car again, the beach‘s calling for us!" He opened the door to the passenger seat again, but was yanked back by Shirabu.

"No, you sat there all the way to Tokyo. It‘s my turn."

"No, it‘s mine." Yahaba quickly pushed Shirabu out of the way. Ennoshita and Akaashi exchanged glances, before Ennoshita sighed, clapped his hands together and spoke up. 

"Let‘s draw lots or something," Ennoshita said.

"We don‘t have lots," Yahaba pointed out.

"Oh!" Terushima raised his arm. "I know! I think of a number from 0 to 1000 and the one who‘s closest can sit in the passenger seat!"

"It‘s 69!" Futakuchi, Yahaba and Shirabu shouted in unison.

Terushima pouted. "No," he said. "It‘s not. I can‘t believe you. That‘s really immature, who do you think I am?"

"Is it 420?" Akaashi asked and Terushima‘s face lit up.

"Yes, how did you know?"

Akaashi shrugged with a slight smirk on his lips. He walked to the door of the passenger seat and opened it.

"Man, remember when we hit on him?" Terushima asked Futakuchi. "I don‘t regret it one bit."

Akaashi looked out of the curled down window to them. "Uh… I have a boyfriend."

Terushima opened his mouth and eyes. "Akaashi! I love you! You finally said it!"

"Shut up, let‘s get going." 

Ennoshita laughed and turned to Yamamoto, who was pulling at his T-Shirt‘s sleeve.

"Is it okay if I… sit next to you?" he asked with a blush on his cheeks.

"Oh my god," Futakuchi groaned. "I‘d rather sit between those two saltshakers than with the lovebirds."

"Who did you just call a saltshaker?" Shirabu asked.

* * *

  


  


The beach was full, but considering it was a very hot day and summer break, they shouldn‘t be surprised. Futakuchi didn‘t remember when the last time it was that he had been to the beach, but he really couldn‘t wait until he got into the water. It was so horribly hot, just like the sand, he just wanted to throw himself into the deep blue sea.

"Last one to get into the water is a-" before he could finish the sentence, Ennoshita put a hand on his shoulder and held him back.

"You still have to put on some sunscreen," he said.

"Ennoshita," Futakuchi whined. Then, he smirked. "Are you offering?"

"What?" Terushima jumped to them, hitting Futakuchi with his hips and pushing him away. "I want Ennoshita to put his white cream on me!"

"No! _I_ want Ennoshita to put his white cream on me!" Yamamoto shouted from the other side. Everyone went silent at that, even Yahaba and Shirabu who were arguing over who got the parasol.

Ennoshita blushed hard. "Uh…"

"Oh my god," Yamamoto whispered. "I‘m sorry, Ennoshita! I didn‘t mean to- I‘d never- I‘m sorry."

"Really, Yamamoto?" Terushima asked. "Never? Are you really sure? Never?"

Ennoshita groaned and put his face into his hands. "Shut the fuck up."

Yahaba inhaled sharply. "Did Ennoshita just curse?"

"Yeah," Ennoshita said, putting his hands away again. "Terushima and Futakuchi, just put on sunscreen."

Futakuchi groaned. "Boring," he said, but he did what he was told. He sat down on his towel and took out the sunscreen he had packed last night. 

"Uh, what about me?" Yamamoto asked, stuttering and still with a red face.

Ennoshita smiled innocently. "You wanted my white cream, didn‘t you?"

They laughed, Terushima even whistled. "Oh, fuck. Ennoshita you‘re smooth as fuck!"

Ennoshita just rolled his eyes at that and pushed Yamamoto down on the towel. Futakuchi turned to the male next to him. "You do me and I do you?" he asked and threw the bottle of cream to him.

Terushima caught it in his hands. "Careful, Futakuchi, that‘s really suggestive."

"Can we have like one time when you don‘t turn everything into an innuendo?" Yahaba asked. He didn‘t win the battle over the parasol apparently, but they both settled together underneath it. Weird to see the Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai captain get along, but then again Futakuchi was sure they actually liked each other and bickering was their form of friendship.

"No," Terushima replied.

"You have the humor of a middle schooler," Shirabu said.

Futakuchi laughed and laid back on his stomach. Suddenly, Terushima straddled him. "Dude-"

"It‘s okay, I have a boyfriend, don‘t get your hopes up," Terushima said.

"That means nothing. First of all, you have like seven," Futakuchi corrected him. "Second of all, you have an open relationship."

"You‘re not my type?" Terushima tried while he spread the sunscreen over Futakuchi‘s back.

"That‘s worse, considering you‘d hit on anything that has two legs," Futakuchi shot back. "Am I not good enough?"

"Please, I met Kamasaki already," Terushima said. "He could knock me down in like one go. I‘d never try to go against him. There‘s a reason you call him gorilla. Shit, doesn‘t it hur-"

Futakuchi propped himself up on his elbows and turned around to Terushima. "End that sentence and I‘ll end you, Terushima."

Terushima laughed and held up both of his hands. "Okay, okay." He got down from Futakuchi and rolled over on his towel, which was right next to Akaashi‘s, who hasn‘t undressed yet and had sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

"Akaashi?" Terushima asked.

"What is it?"

"Can you like, when you undress, stand in front of me?"

Akaashi put down his glasses slightly to look at him with the most disappointed look on his face. 

"Okay, I take it back," Terushima murmured. 

Futakuchi laughed, while he put on some sunscreen on his palms, rubbing them together before he put the cream on Terushima‘s back. "Saltshakers, have you done it yet?"

"Don‘t call us that," they both replied in unison, which made Futakuchi raise his eyebrows. 

"I guess we got ourselves some cool name for them."

Yahaba turned to Shirabu. "Change of plans, we drown Futakuchi into the ocean."

"I want to drown Terushima too, though," Shirabu replied.

They shrugged, until they turned to them again and replied: "Both."

"That‘s kinda scary," Terushima murmured. "Maybe it was a bad idea. Go back to hating each other again."

"Oh, we hate each other," Shirabu said. 

"Hey," Ennoshita plopped down next to them. "Are you ready yet?"

"No, the saltshakers refuse to put on cream," Futakuchi said. "They are just under the parasol being salty together and dragging us like some creepy twins."

"And Akaashi is too petty and pretty to let us touch him," Terushima whined.

Akaashi rolled his eyes and so did Ennoshita, when he grabbed for the bottle. "Let me do it for you."

"Thanks," Akaashi took off his shirt, which made Terushima whistle.

"This, Terushima, is why he didn‘t want you to touch him," Ennoshita explained.

"Exactly, Terushima!" Yamamoto shouted. 

"Bro… I thought you‘d have my back," Terushima cried.

"Nobody has your back," Futakuchi said and jumped up. "Anyway, last one to get to the water is a…" He stopped mid sentence and turned around. "What are we?"

"Shrek fucker?" Shirabu suggested.

"Bee fucker," Yahaba shouted.

"Furry," Terushima said.

"A sane person," Akaashi murmured into his arms. 

"But Futakuchi is already a furry," Yamamoto pointed out, which made Futakuchi glare at him.

"Ennoshita, tame your boyfriend," he said.

"He‘s not my-"

"And a Bee Fucker too," Shirabu said, which made Yahaba chuckle. Oh, it was totally the worst idea to ever make them get along. They were probably the worst duo there could be.

"Listen, I‘m _not_ a Bee Fucker," Futakuchi said.

"You want the B," Yahaba said and it was now Shirabu who chuckled.

"But Terushima‘s the bee," Yamamoto said. Terushima wiggled with his eyebrows and Futakuchi let out a small cry. 

"Last one in the water has to sit in the middle on the way back." 

Suddenly everyone jumped up and sprinted to the water, which irritated Futakuchi. He was the last one to run after them. God damn it, even Akaashi had somehow miraculously gotten up in, what, one second! In the end, Futakuchi was the last one to arrive, but as soon as he was finally in the cold water, he didn‘t care anymore.

"Oh my god, that‘s so nice," he cried and waddled deeper into the sea.

"It is," Shirabu agreed.

"Of course it is," Futakuchi said. "It‘s your natural habitat. Salt water."

Shirabu and Yahaba exchanged glances and nodded. God, this was creepy when they could talk with each other without having to exchange any words. Wait… no, this was really creepy. The two of them walked towards Futakuchi, who took steps back. The water has not reached his waist yet, so it was still good.

"Wait… We can talk about this," he said. "Oh my god, you‘re fucking creepy. Someone help me! Ennoshita?!" 

"No way out," Yahaba said. "I take his legs."

"Fine by me." 

"Whaaat?!"

Yahaba took his legs and Shirabu grabbed him by his arms. "Hey, somebody film this and send it to Dateko," Yahaba said.

"No!" Futakuchi shouted, trying to wiggle himself out of their grab. "Come on, Ennoshita! Akaashi? Voice of reason, where are you?!"

Akaashi eyed Futakuchi. "I have a waterproof camera, wait here." He ran back to their place.

"Fucking traitor!" Futakuchi yelled after him.

"We should send it to Kamasaki," Ennoshita said. 

"I hate you so fucking much Ennoshita," Futakuchi grumbled. "I thought we were friends. Guess I have to trust the idiot duo. Yamam- Where the fuck are they?"

"There." Ennoshita pointed at the both of them somewhere in the distance where they were doing some stupid ass shit, Futakuchi couldn‘t identify from here.

"I‘m a good person," Futakuchi whined. "Seriously."

"Are you?" Shirabu looked down on him.

"You‘re not a saltshaker," Futakuchi said. "Seriously. You‘re like, sweet. Super sweet. Like Power Puff Girls. Sugar and spice and everything nice."

Yahaba scoffed. "You‘re making it worse, Futakuchi."

"I‘m back." Akaashi held up his camera. "Okay, go."

"Hey, wait, is that a GoPro?" Futakuchi asked.

"Stop trying to change the topic. And yes, it is. Bokuto lent it to me," Akaashi replied.

"Okay, on the count of three," Shirabu said. "One… Two…" They started swinging him back and forth and Futakuchi was screaming already. Shit, he‘ll die. He‘ll die and the cause of his death was because he angered the creepy salty twins. And Kamasaki will probably laugh at his funeral and Futakuchi wouldn‘t even be able to kick his ass and tell him he liked him before that. Great. 

_Here lies Futakuchi Kenji, not even 18 years old, but had a big mouth._

"Three!"

They released him and Futakuchi flew way further than he had expected. Was that because they were both setters? He landed and thankfully it didn‘t hurt, but when he finally reached the surface again, he was gasping for air and his hair was clinging onto his forehead and in his eyes. The saltwater tasted disgusting. 

The other four were laughing. "Fuck you!" Futakuchi screamed.

"Wow, what was that?" Terushima appeared behind him, throwing himself on Futakuchi‘s back.

"Get off me," Futakuchi said.

"Why did they throw you into the water?" Yamamoto asked.

"I don‘t know! I‘m innocent!"

"We could help you," Terushima suggested.

"Help me how?"

"Get revenge, duh." 

Futakuchi thought it over. "No. Us three aren‘t as smart as those two. Especially with you two. No offense."

"Rude," Terushima murmured. 

* * *

  


  


"Yamamoto."

"I‘m sorry," he managed to say before he shoved more shaved ice into his mouth. 

Ennoshita sighed and sat down next to him.

"Don‘t distract him, Ennoshita!" Terushima shouted with a full mouth.

"I‘m not distracting him." He totally was distracting Yamamoto, but he was a good friend who promised Terushima he‘ll do this. They wanted to go against the 'Saltshakers‘ - a term nobody dared to call them anymore unless they wanted to end up like Futakuchi, but they still did behind their back-, but they both refused to. Instead, they found two other guys who were, according to Akaashi 'just like them‘, whatever that meant. 

And now they were having a shaved ice eating contest against them.

The price was… Well, first of all victory and second of all free ice cream. But now that Yamamoto was halfway finished, he regretted it. Was it really worth it?

"Finish faster," Akaashi said. "I don‘t want to film this anymore."

"You have to 'kaashi!" 

Akaashi looked at Ennoshita, who sighed.

"Yamamoto, eat faster and I‘ll give you a kiss."

"Wait, really?!" Yamamoto shouted, shoving more ice into his mouth and ignoring the brain freeze.

"On the cheek," Ennoshita added quickly with a blush. Maybe it was a blush. Or it was just a sunburn, who knew? All Yamamoto knew that it was good enough for him and he ate faster.

"Give me some motivation too!" Terushima cried.

"I‘ll kick your ass," Akaashi suggested.

"Wow, I accept. Having you kick my ass has always been a dream of me."

"Less talking more eating!" Yamamoto shouted to his partner, who replied by eating faster. 

They won in the end and Yamamoto and Terushima were both shouting on top of their lungs, when they finished. They jumped up, hugged each other, swung their arms around the others shoulders and danced in a circle.

"Oh my god," Ennoshita murmured, placing his face into his palms. "Please stop."

"Nu-uh, we won fair and square!" Terushima shouted. A lot of people have even gathered around them to watch their little contest and were clapping for them. They both bowed down to their audience, still having their arms around the other‘s shoulder and grinned at each other when they got up.

"Can I get my prize?" Terushima asked, when he let Yamamoto go and walked towards Akaashi, who was still sitting on the bench.

"Yeah, turn around."

"Wow, kinky-"

Akaashi put his camera down and then kicked Terushima‘s ass with his foot away, making him tumble forwards and almost fall down, if Yamamoto wouldn‘t have caught him in his fall.

"I‘m pretty sure I‘m into that," Terushima murmured, while Yamamoto helped him get on his feet again.

"Disgusting," Akaashi said with no expression on his face.

"Say that again," Terushima said. "It‘s making me hot."

"Disgusting," Ennoshita said now, but with a clear disgusted expression. Terushima laughed.

"I‘m kidding, Ennoshita! Now, go give my boy his prize, he deserves it!" he shoved Ennoshita towards Yamamoto. Oh, shit. He couldn‘t help when the heat shot up to his face. Yamamoto scratched the back of his neck.

"You know… You don‘t need to… You probably just said it to motivate me," Yamamoto said, looking anywhere but in Ennoshita‘s eyes.

"No, it‘s… Okay." Ennoshita leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek. When he leaned back, he smiled softly, but he too had a faint blush on his cheeks. Maybe from the sun, but Yamamoto doubted it this time. He couldn‘t react, just stared at him, until Terushima started to whistle and jumped on Yamamoto‘s back.

He quickly had to grab the other‘s leg so they wouldn‘t both fall down. "Akaashi! Play We Are The Champions! It‘s on my phone!" Terushima shouted.

"I will not," Akaashi said. 

"Pleaaaase!"

Akaashi sighed and took Terushima‘s phone. He played the song and Yamamoto and Terushima walked around, singing along the song, until the two guys they‘ve won against, got up and walked away. 

Akaashi and Ennoshita even laughed and sang along with them after a while, as did some of the people in the crowd. That was, until Yahaba and Shirabu came back.

"You won, huh?" Yahaba raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, your husband won for you," Terushima replied. Shirabu smirked.

"Are you proud of him, Terushima Shigeru?" he asked.

Yahaba glared at him. Even though they‘ve gotten along so well with each other the entire day, they still bickered with each other more than anyone else here.

"Where‘s Futakuchi?" Ennoshita asked.

"Oh, we buried him in the sand," Yahaba said, shrugging. "We‘ll get him out sooner or later."

"Please don‘t tell me you did it near the water," Ennoshita pleaded. "The tidal waves will kill him."

"We did and we don‘t have any regrets," Shirabu said.

"It‘s like in that one Spongebob episode," Yamamoto noticed.

"Yeah, you mean with the Bubble friend?" Terushima asked.

"Yeah! What was his name again?"

"Bubble Buddy," they both said in unison with bright eyes.

Shirabu stared at them and turned to Ennoshita. "Why?"

"I don‘t know myself, to be honest," Ennoshita replied. Yamamoto had no idea what they were talking about. 

"Should we help Futakuchi out?"

"No," Akaashi said. "I want to film it when he thinks he‘s about to die."

Yahaba smirked. "You‘re really the worst of us all."

"I wasn‘t the one who buried our friend in the sand." Akaashi just shrugged and grabbed his camera. "Let‘s film it and go in near distance, so he won‘t know we‘re there."

"Genius," Yamamoto whispered.

"What? We can‘t do that!" Ennoshita shouted. 

"Come on," Yahaba put his hands on Ennoshita‘s shoulders. "Once you‘ll see it, you‘ll know how funny it is."

  


* * *

  


"So…" Terushima turned to Futakuchi. "What are you in here for?"

"I‘m an innocent-"

"Cut this crap, we both know you‘re not," Terushima replied and Futakuchi sighed.

"I accidentally called them creepy twins out loud," Futakuchi said. "But damn, they are!"

"Oh, yeah, totally." Terushima hummed.

"What are you in for?"

"We were on our way to you and film you dying, but then I stopped because I spotted a hot girl and hit on her," Terushima explained. 

"Oh, so you deserve it," Futakuchi said. "Wait, did you just say-"

"I didn‘t deserve it!" Terushima protested. "She was really cute, okay? And I bet she liked me too, but they dragged me away from her and then Akaashi apologized on my behalf and of course, they all love Akaashi 'Pretty Boy‘ Keiji!"

"So you deserve it," Futakuchi said again. "Anyway, back to the 'Film me dying‘ part…"

"Hi." Ennoshita appeared in front of them. 

"Ennoshita!" Terushima smiled brightly. "Are you our savior? Our Prince Charming? Are you here to save us out of the sand?"

"No." Ennoshita put down something in front of them, but they were both buried deep to their necks in sand, they couldn‘t see what it was.

"What‘s that?" Futakuchi asked, but Ennoshita just smiled. "Ennoshita, you fucking traitor!"

"It just says 'Don‘t help these two idiots out, they deserve it‘," Ennoshita explained. "In case you think asking strangers for help is a good idea."

Terushima laughed. "Please, I was in on the plan. I know you‘re planning to dig us out once the waves hit us."

Ennoshita just shrugged. "If you think so." He walked away and Terushima shouted his name after him.

"Come on! That‘s the plan, right? You didn‘t change it, right?!"

"It‘s your fault," Futakuchi said.

"What? How is it my fault?!"

"You hit on some poor girl!" Futakuchi explained. "If this would be prison, I would‘ve gotten like, a ten year sentence. You? You get a fucking death sentence. But we‘re in the same cell, so we both die."

"You have a very vivid imagination, Futakuchi," Terushima noticed, clearly impressed. He sighed and looked up into the sky. "I bet I would‘ve at least scored her phone number." He wasn‘t really lucky when it came to girls- or boys. Or just anyone, to be honest. How he got his boyfriends at Johzenji was not just a mystery to everyone else, but also to him.

"This is the second time I‘m going to die today," Futakuchi noticed. They just lied next to each other for a short time in silence, when Terushima broke it.

"‘I‘m so much happier now that I‘m dead‘," he said. "‘Technically missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone. And my lazy, lying shitting oblivious husband will go to prison for my murder.‘"

Futakuchi turned to him, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth wide open. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you quoting Gone Girl?"

"Yahaba‘s Nick Dunne," Terushima replied. "‘Yahaba Shigeru took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder.‘"

"Why the hell do you know this by heart?"

"Please, Gone Girl is a masterpiece of our time! Of course I know it by heart!" Terushima shot back. "I bet all _you_ can quote is the fucking Bee Movie Intro!"

"No, I can do way more than that." Futakuchi hesitated, probably thinking of a quote. "‘I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my-‘"

"Dude. Is that Spongebob?"

"Listen…" Futakuchi took a deep breath. "It was a good quote."

"It really fucking was," Terushima agreed with a grin on his face. "Oh, no, check this. Wait, how did it go… 'Hi, my name is Ebony Dark‘ness-‘"

"No, wait! 'Hi, my name is Terushima Yuuji‘," Futakuchi interrupted him. "‘I have golden hair with an undercut that‘s pushed back and brown eyes like Topaz. A lot of people tell me I look like…‘"

"Noiz from DMMD," Terushima said.

"Nobody fucking tells you you look like Noiz from Dramatical Murder!" Futakuchi shouted. "Noiz is like, way hotter than you. Has way more piercings too."

"You fucking played this game?" Terushima asked and whistled. 

Futakuchi rolled his eyes and continued. "‘Authors Note: If you don‘t know who he is, get da hell out of here!‘"

"‘I‘m not related to Pokemon Trainer Spark, but I wish I was because he‘s a major fucking hottie‘," Terushima said.

Futakuchi groaned. "Please, stop it. Stop comparing yourself to them." He cleared his throat. "I‘m a volleyball player, but my teeth are straight and white."

"How the fuck does that have to do with teeth?"

"I don‘t know?"

"I go to a magic school called Johzenji in Japan where I‘m in the third year- I‘m eighteen. I‘m a goth-"

"No, you‘re a Fuckboy," Futakuchi interrupted him. "In case you couldn‘t tell." He smirked and Terushima stuck out his tongue.

"Bite me."

"And I wear mostly Fuckboy clothes," Futakuchi teased him. "For example today I was wearing a white muscle shirt that said 'I don‘t suck cock, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars‘."

"20," Terushima corrected him.

"What?"

"It was 20 dollars."

"Wow, you‘re cheap," Futakuchi noticed. "I was walking outside Johzenji. The sun was shining and there was no rain, which I was very happy about. A lot of… sane people stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."

"You know, Futakuchi," Terushima said. "I hate you a lot. I‘m glad you‘re going to die."

"You‘re going to die too?"

"A prize I‘m willing to pay," Terushima explained. 

"You both are idiots!" somebody shouted. It was Yahaba, who was now standing in front of them. "Instead of fucking freaking out that the waves are incoming, you don‘t shut the fuck up about My Immortal!"

"You read it too?" Terushima asked.

"No- I… Shut up. This is no fun when you don‘t fear for your life." Yahaba pouted.

Futakuchi raised his eyebrows. "I like My Immortal."

"Can we dig them out?" Yamamoto asked behind them. Terushima tried to turn around his neck as much as possible, but he only could barely see the other male. 

"Yes," Ennoshita said. "Let‘s dig them out."

"Can we play Beach Volleyball afterwards?" Futakuchi asked.

"Yes."

"Can we get Ice Cream too?" Shirabu asked and Ennoshita groaned.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Can we rent one of those Banana boats?" Yahaba asked with a smirk on his face. 

"I swear to god, I‘m not your mom, do what you want!" Ennoshita cried out. 

  


* * *

  


After playing several rounds of beach volleyball with alternating teams, paddling around on the banana boat where they all fell off and ended up in the water instead, eating ice cream and sandwiches, they were dozing on their towels. The sun was going down slowly and they were all exhausted and tired from all the things they‘ve done today. Not that many people were around anymore either, most of them of already packed their bags. 

Akaashi was answering to some of Bokuto‘s messages when Ennoshita handed him back his GoPro. The rest of the day it had been Ennoshita who had filmed all their antics.

"It‘s so peaceful," he said. 

"Mmh." Akaashi hummed and put his phone away. 

"I wish it would be summer break forever," Terushima said. They all sat next to each other facing the sunset. It was beautiful, the sky was painted in orange colors, while the sun slowly disappeared behind the buildings in the far distance. 

"Me too," Futakuchi said.

"You just don‘t want to play against Akaashi," Yahaba replied. "In fear you‘ll have to write a q/w/d fanfiction."

"What fear?" Shirabu asked. "He‘d like it."

Futakuchi let out a slight chuckle. It was way too peaceful and quiet right now, everyone was too exhausted and tired to fight back. 

"In a year," Yamamoto suddenly spoke up. "We‘ll be totally different."

"I hate you," Terushima said, but with no anger lying in his tone. "Don‘t remind me."

Ennoshita sighed out. "There‘s also only one Nationals left."

Terushima hummed. "A while ago I didn‘t… I didn‘t want to play anymore."

"What?" Akaashi turned to the other male, clearly surprised. The others were too.

"I mean, after Inter High. Wanted to retire already, focus on my studies…" He sighed and put his cheek on his knee. 

"Wow," Shirabu said. "Responsible Nerd Terushima."

"Contrary to popular belief, I am very invested in my studies," he shot back. 

"What changed?" Ennoshita asked him.

Terushima shrugged. "You," he said.

"Aw." Futakuchi smiled and put his arm around him. 

Terushima seemed embarrassed for the first time, even blushing. "I mean… I love volleyball. And I know, it‘s not just about fun, but for me it is. It‘s what drives me. And playing with you, just… Like, I can always have fun with my team, even when I‘m not playing. But with you it‘s just more fun." He shrugged. "Also I feel way more responsible as a captain the more time I spent with you… you‘re all good captains so…" He looked away and ran his hand through his hair.

"Dude," Yahaba said. "That‘s really deep."

"We love you too, bro!" Yamamoto hugged him from the other side. 

"Oh my god… I shouldn‘t have said anything."

"No," Akaashi interrupted. "You‘re right." He smiled. "I thought at first it was stupid. Our group chat, I mean. Kind of annoying and exhausting. But it‘s… really nice. And sharing our struggles…" He loved Bokuto, not just as a boyfriend but also as his former captain and having to step into his footsteps had been hard. But the others all shared the same problems, they all had amazing captains in whose footsteps they had to go.

It was a lot of pressure and having other people who share the same problems around you, helped a lot.

"Yeah," Ennoshita said. "I mean, remember when I almost broke down?"

"You mean, when you and the Tiger starting to become a thing?" Shirabu asked and Ennoshita laughed quietly.

"I mean, you all helped me out. And I‘m glad you were there. And you, of course, Yamamoto." 

Yamamoto smiled brightly. "Of course," he said. Ennoshita leaned onto Yamamoto‘s shoulder and Akaashi smiled. In the beginning he had never really seen it coming, noticed how Ennoshita wasn‘t really into Yamamoto, as Yamamoto was into him, but it changed now. 

"Come here," Ennoshita said and pulled Akaashi closer.

"What are you-" Akaashi stumbled forward and fell against Ennoshita.

"Is this a group hug?" Futakuchi asked. "Saltshakers-"

"Do not," Shirabu said, but he did lean against him and Yahaba against Shirabu.

"Wow," Terushima said. "That‘s really fucking gay."

"I mean, we _are_ really fucking gay," Futakuchi replied and the others laughed. The sun had disappeared completely now and it started to get darker. Akaashi suddenly remembered something he had in his bag and grabbed for it. 

"What is it?" Ennoshita asked him.

"I‘m going to make this situation even…"

"Gayer?" Terushima suggested.

"For the lack of a better word, yes." 

"Oh my god," Futakuchi murmured. "He‘s suggesting an orgy."

"Shut up." Akaashi brought a packet of sparklers.

"Oh my god," Yahaba said. "That is pretty gay. I like it." 

Akaashi opened the box and handed everyone of them one. He took out a zipper and lit his on before he handed the zipper to Terushima, while Akaashi shared his fire with Ennoshita. Once all of their sparklers were lit up, they were all just sitting in silence, watching them burn down.

"I can‘t even meme when we‘re being so romantic," Terushima said.

"Is that bad?" Yamamoto asked.

"Nah," the other male replied. "I like it. Good job, Akaashi."

"Thanks." Akaashi smiled. 

* * *

 

  


"Next time sleepover at the Tigers and we watch The Bee Movie and every time they say Bee we drink a shot," Terushima had suggested. "And Futakuchi reads out his q/w/d fanfiction with Sasuke and Naruto as its pairing."

"Fuck you, I don‘t even ship them," Futakuchi had said. They had said their goodbyes to Akaashi and Yamamoto, before they parted and sat back in the car. 

It was silent, Shirabu sat in the front and Futakuchi was all laid out in the last row, sleeping probably. Yahaba and Ennoshita sat in the second row and everyone was asleep, except for Shirabu and Terushima. Shirabu was tired, but he did somehow feel bad if he‘d fall asleep too, because then Terushima would be the only one awake.

Not that he‘d ever admit it.

"Today was fun, huh?" Terushima asked. Shirabu shrugged and looked out of the window. It was too dark to see anything anyway.

"Yes."

"Admit it, you don‘t hate Yahaba."

Shirabu turned around to look at Yahaba, who had his head rested against the window, while Ennoshita had his on Yahaba‘s shoulder. "No," he said and bit himself on the tongue once that word escaped his lips.

Terushima grinned widely and Shirabu glared at him. "Don‘t worry," he said. "I‘ll carry that secret to my grave."

"You better." Shirabu turned to the front again. "But I never actually hated him. It‘s just our team‘s rivalry. Then again, I don‘t really care. It‘s them who hates us because we constantly win against them."

"Ouch." Terushima chuckled. "That‘s harsh."

"It‘s true." Shirabu shrugged. "But that doesn‘t mean they‘re bad."

"You‘re just better?" Terushima suggested.

"Of course." Shirabu fell silent. "But he took up being captain way better than I did."

"What do you mean?"

Shirabu had no idea why he was talking about all of this with Terushima out of all people. It was probably the atmosphere. They‘ve spent all day since morning together on the beach and even spilled out all their emotions during the sunset and everyone was asleep now- there wasn‘t much to lose anymore anyway, right?

"I‘m not that much of a capable captain," he said. "I still have no idea how. You all look like you managed to get into the role right away, but… It‘s hard. Especially when your former captain used to be Super Ace Ushijima."

"Yeah, that‘s hard," Terushima agreed.

"And Yahaba handled it well," Shirabu said. "Don‘t tell him."

"Don‘t worry, he doesn‘t have to," Yahaba suddenly said. Shirabu turned around.

"I thought you were asle-"

Yahaba smiled tiredly and yawned. "I was. But you know, you‘re not bad, either. You‘re a good captain."

Shirabu was clearly surprised by that, but before he could say anything else, Yahaba fell asleep again. Terushima laughed.

"That was really cute," he said.

"Shut up," Shirabu murmured. But somehow, Yahaba‘s words really helped him. Maybe you just have to hear from your rival that you‘re not that bad in order to move on. Or a rival turned friend. Who knew?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont @ me... terushima is my fav boy and so are spark and noiz bc i have., a type, 
> 
> anyway thanks for reading! i hoped u liked this fic too even tho it wasnt in chat form! :)


	8. oviposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **nasti boi**  
>  what if humans lay eggs  
> like literal eggs like chickens  
>  **Akaashi**  
>  You mean if humans lay eggs like chickens  
> Like for childbirth or… every day?
> 
>    
>  **nasti boi**  
>  everyday  
>  **futakuchi protection squad**  
>  are they edible  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "u ho u didnt update this fic for three months"  
> im sorry i was out of ideas also i kinda left the hq fandom fndkjnkfjg (i kinda even left tumblr but anyway)

**(July 26th  
8.39pm) **

_**CITY BOY** sent an image_

_**CITY BOY** sent an image  
_

_**CITY BOY** sent an image  
_

_**CITY BOY** sent an image_

**Frick Boi**  
bro

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
bro

 **the superior™**  
bro

 **yahababe**  
bro

 **Akaashi**  
bro

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wow even akaashi

 **Frick Boi**  
SERIOUSLY THO  
BRO  
WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 **CITY BOY**  
?????  
i thought you‘d like to see these  
its the pics ennoshita and i took at disney land!!

 **the superior™**  
…

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
your sister is cute

 **CITY BOY**  
LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what  
WHAT is wrong with you  
WHAT DO YOU THINK IA M

 **Akaashi**  
I guess I‘m happy for you two  
But…

 **Frick Boi**  
… bro

 **Akaashi**  
Exactly  
“Bro“

 **yahababe**  
if you and ennoshita dont like  
start dating  
now  
is2g i‘ll

 **the superior™**  
lick your door handle

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
lick the floor

 **Frick Boi**  
LICK THE TOILET SEAT

 **Akaashi**  
Lick Kyoutani

 **CITY BOY**  
OOOOOHHHHH

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
OOHHhhHH good one

 **the superior™**  
thank you mother for my life

 **yahababe**  
i hate this  
i hate this family

 **Frick Boi**  
awww you see us as family!!  
wait no we‘re married thats kinda… wrong,

 **the superior™**  
you were married into this family  
no way i‘m related to you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
but you want to be related to us?

 **the superior™**  
… i married into this family too

 **Akaashi**  
Who did you marry

 **CITY BOY  
** what is going on???

 **the superior™**  
certainly not yamamoto

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yeah he married into this family too

 **CITY BOY**  
who did i marry?????

 **Akaashi**  
Ennoshita

 **yahababe**  
ennoshita

 **Frick Boi**  
my boy enno

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
do you even have to ask

 **the superior™**  
ennoshita

 **ennoshita**  
what‘s up?

 **CITY BOY**  
IDK!  
but i sent in the pics we took !!!

 **ennoshita**  
oh! thank you  
it was really fun

 **CITY BOY**  
YEah IT WAS!  
we should do it again some time  
not like disney land  
but you know hang out  
non volleyball related

 **ennoshita**  
sure i‘d like that

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
bro

 **CITY BOY**  
and maybe without my sister

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
BROS

 **ennoshita**  
yeah

t **he superior™**  
i can‘t take this

_**the superior™** removed **ennoshita** and **CITY BOY** from‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ‘_

**the superior™**  
good riddance

 **Frick Boi**  
hey it was kinda funny

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
IT HURT TO LOOK AT  
JUST. CONFESS

 **Akaashi**  
What about you

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nevermind  
i can‘t read suddenly i don‘t know

 **the superior™**  
haven‘t you and kamasaki  been like  
sex buddies  
for months

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHAT I DONT HAVE FRICKING EARS

 **Frick Boi**  
okay onto other things  
topic change

 **Akaashi**  
Are we just ignoring the fact that Ennoshita and Yamamoto aren‘t here anymore?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yeah  
lets vote to add other people

 **Frick Boi**  
oh thats a good idea  
do you guys know cool captains

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
komaki yuzuru

 **Akaashi**  
Who is that?

 **the superior™**  
i don‘t know

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he‘s the captain of kakugawa high  
a setter  
hot

 **Frick Boi**  
BRO  
SHUT THE HELL UP  
HE LOOKS LIKE YOU IN GLASSES THATS WHY YOU THINK EHS HOT

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
SO WHAT?  
i look good in glasses

 **yahababe**  
oh i know him i‘ve played him before

 **Akaashi**  
I still don‘t know

 **Frick Boi** _sent an image_

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m losing my mind  
He looks like Futakuchi with glasses

 **the superior™**  
better

 **yahababe**  
yeah

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i hate this family  
i want out  
i don‘t deserve this  
where is my protection squad

 **Frick Boi**  
i want him

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what about me

 **Frick Boi**  
youre my bro i cant

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
just say you think hes hotter just say it

 **Frick Boi**  
okay

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
RUDE

 **yahababe**  
futakuchi…  
he‘s a setter  
of course he‘s pettier. it‘s law

 **Frick Boi**  
ya

 **the superior™**  
sounds about right

 **Akaashi**  
This is ridiculous

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
nevermind im never suggesting anyone ever again

 **Frick Boi**  
okay u know who is hot

 **the superior™**  
who  
don‘t say you are  
please don‘t

 **Frick Boi**  
MY EGO ISNT THAT BIG OKAY

 **yahababe**  
thank god

 **Frick Boi**  
my dick however….

 **Akaashi**  
Terushima…

 **Frick Boi**  
OKAY IM SORRY

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
okay who is hot im curious

 **Frick Boi**  
like not to be ugly  
but like  
okay no im not gonna say it

 **Akaashi**  
Just say it

 **Frick Boi**  
no you‘ll kick me out of this chat  
disown me from this family

 **the superior™**  
say it

 **yahababe**  
now i really wanna know

 **Frick Boi**  
like u guys read volleyball magazines right

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
… yes?  
of course

 **Akaashi**  
Yes.

 **Frick Boi**  
like those that feature high schoolers right

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
of course we have to check out our opponents

 **Frick Boi**  
do you like  
use them  
as jerk off material sometimes too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
WHAT

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **Frick Boi**  
NO OFFENSE BUT THE MIYAS CAN GET IT

 _ **Akaashi** removed **Frick Boi**_ _**f** rom ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS‘**_

 **yahababe**  
good riddance

 **the superior™**  
that‘s my line

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
but he‘s right though

 **Akaashi**  
I know, I just didn‘t want to agree with him  
They‘re hot

 **yahababe**  
that even akaashi says this…

 **the superior™**  
listen we‘d all be dtf for one of them  
i bet if i‘d ask kawanishi and semi they‘d be okay with it too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
is this..  
what they call cuckolding

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **yahababe**  
i‘ll kick you out of the group

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
anyway i dont i use them as jerk off material like wtf  
and why the hell does he need it anyway he has like 100 bfs

 **Akaashi**  
Because they‘re hot

 **yahababe**  
akaashis true colors are showing  
what would bokuto say

 **the superior™**  
what is cuckolding

 **yahababe**  
no  
not today satan

 _ **yahababe** added **CITY BOY,** **ennoshita** and **Frick Boi** _ _to ‘ **THE WIENER SOLDIERS** ‘_

 **yahababe**  
hey

 **Frick Boi**  
I HATE YOU

 **CITY BOY**  
:(

 **ennoshita**  
well. that was unnecessary

 **Frick Boi**  
IM LEAVING

 **Akaashi**  
Okay, have fun with your right hand and your volleyball magazine

 **Frick Boi**  
jesus christ  
I WILL

_**Frick Boi** is offline_

**ennoshita**  
what?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hes beating some meat

 **CITY BOY**  
what did the meat do to him

 **Akaashi**  
…

 **yahababe**  
choose your fighter  
‘what‘s cuckolding‘ vs ‘what did the meat do to him‘

 **ennoshita**  
i… don‘t even want to ask

 **Akaashi**  
It‘s better if you don‘t

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we talked about which other captain we could add to the chat to replace you

 **CITY BOY**  
OH  
as long as it isnt anyone from nohebi

 **ennoshit** a  
you‘d be okay with them replacing us?

 **CITY BOY**  
i just don‘t want seguro here  
he‘s a snake

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
thats some serious accusation

 **the superior™**  
sounds fun let‘s invite him

 **CITY BOY**  
dont u dare  
you don‘t understand !  
our teams are rivals!

 **the superior™**  
wow

 **yahababe**  
it‘s almost  
like  
we don‘t know  
how it‘s like to be in a groupchat with the captain of our rival team

 **CITY BOY**  
but ur friends now?

 **ennoshita**  
you could be friends with him too?

 **CITY BOY**  
i refuse!

 **Akaashi**  
Guess it‘s the other guy then  
What was his name again? Yuzuru?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
NO

 **ennoshita**  
komaki yuzuru?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
NO

 **CITY BOY**  
Oh! dateko has a rival team too?

 **yahababe**  
he‘s just bitter because komaki looks like him  
pretty megane setter  
we need a token megane in this squad anyway

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i‘ll buy glasses tomorrow i‘m ur token megane

**Akaashi**

That‘s pretty childish

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i dont care  
i bet i look better in glasses

 **ennoshita**  
… okay

 **CITY BOY**  
okay

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i swear

 **the superior™**  
sure futakuchi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kamasaki has glasses  
BE RIGHT BACK

 _ **futakuchi protection squad** is offlin_ e

 **Akaashi**  
This is exhausting

 **CITY BOY**  
did you have any other candidates

 **yahababe**  
no terushima started thirsting for the miyas

 **ennoshita**  
oh  
well  
you can‘t blame him

 **Akaashi**  
I know

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT?

 **yahababe**  
admit it

 **CITY BOY**  
……..  
ur right  
BUT  
i still think! ennoshita is cuter!

 **ennoshita**  
..  
i‘m

 **the superior™**  
i swear to god

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
WHAT DID I DO NOW

 **the superior™**  
okay but atsumu or osamu

 **yahababe**  
you… want us to choose?

 **Frick Boi**  
OSAMU

 **Akaashi**  
Osamu

 **the superior™**  
atsumu

 **yahababe**  
… i have to agree with shirabu

 **CITY BOY**  
ennoshita

 **Frick Boi**  
BOY I SWEAR TO GOD I DID NOT COME BACK ONLINE FOR THIS  
also i cant believe yall made me think i was WRONG  
WHEN YOU ARE JUST AS THIRSTY AS I AM

 **Akaashi**  
Did you just come back after finish jerking off

 **Frick Boi**  
SO WHAT  
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT

 **the superior™**  
yikes  
did you wash your hands

 **Frick Boi**  
please i‘m not nasty

 **yahababe**  
nasty boi

 **the superior™**  
nasti boi

 **Akaashi**  
Terushima, a known Nasty

 **Frick Boi**  
:(

 **CITY BOY**  
its okay

 **Frick Boi**  
imma wear a ‘MIYA TAKE ME‘ shirt to nationals

 **the superior™**  
is that sexual harrassment

 **Frick Boi**  
.. shit is it  
uh does anyone have his number then

 **yahababe**  
whose

 **Frick Boi**  
miya

 **yahababae**  
WHICH MIYA

 **Frick Boi**  
both

 **Akaashi**  
…  
And you say you‘re not nasty

 **Frick Boi**  
FINE

_**Frick Boi** changed to **nasti boi**_

**nasti boi**  
my new brand  
i embrace it

 **yahababe**  
anyway…..  
school is starting again

 **Akaashi**  
I just finished all my summer homework

 **nasti boi**  
oh shit

 **the superior™**  
didn‘t you say you‘re smart

 **nasti boi**  
YEAH but also lazy and a procastinator

 **CITY BOY**  
OH SHIT

 **yahababe**  
you‘re all hopeless

 **CITY BOY**  
THERES A WHOLE BOOK I HAD TO READ

 **yahababe**  
read a summary from wikipedia

 **the superior™**  
cheater

 **yahababe**  
you don‘t do it?

 **the superior™**  
no  
i‘m hard working

 **yahababe**  
or just stupid too cheat

 **the superior™**  
hard. working

 **nasti boi**  
ha  
he said hard

 **Akaashi**  
Go do your homework, Terushima

 **nasti boi**  
yes sir  
im sorry sir

_**nasti boi** is offline_

**CITY BOY**  
bye :(

 **Akaashi**  
You too, Yamamoto

 **CITY BOY**  
BUT  
theres no way i can read this now in two days!

 **Akaashi**  
I‘ve read books in a shorter amount of time  
Go

 **CITY BOY**  
AYE SIR

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
wait did they all leave  
i just took a selfie

_**futakuchi protection squad** sent an image_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
so ???  
i‘m pretty right?  
i look good in glasses?

 **the superior™**  
did you just run all the way to kamasaki to steal his glasses  
i didn‘t know he had glasses

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yeah lol  
he got them recently but doesnt wear them often

 **yahababe**  
did you just say lol

 **Akaashi**  
What did Kamasaki-san say?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
he was angry  
saying smth like u fricking non glass wearer dont know the struggle of wearing glasses  
stop wearing it for the aesthetic  
youre fake  
anyway who cares just tell me i look pretty

 **the superior™**  
…  
i pass

 **yahababe**  
same

 **Akaashi**  
Yeah, me too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
kamasaki said i‘m hot

 **Akaashi**  
He didn‘t

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
fine he didn‘t  
my mom thinks i‘m hot

 **the superior™**  
does she really

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
they ask you how you are and you just have to say that youre fine when youre not rlly doing fine but you jsut cant into it because they would never understand

 **yahababe**  
is that…  
a katy perry quote

 **Akaashi**  
What is it with you and your western musicians

 **the superior™**  
what do you listen to?  
vocaloid?

 **Akaashi**  
God no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
hatsune miku is my waifu

 **yahababe**  
i really don‘t like where this is going

 **the superior™**  
…

 **yahababe**  
i was more of a mafumafu guy

 **the superior™**  
what  
why are you  
no

 **yahababe**  
please everyone was into voicaloid at some point

 **the superior™**  
no i wasn‘t?

 **yahababe**  
i forgot youre boring

 **Akaashi**  
Me neither

 **yahababe**  
yall missed out a lot

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
RIGHT?  
voicaloid was amazing  
terushima would agree

 **the superior™**  
terushima would want to get hatsune miku  
shes not real

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shirabu  
i read dbz and naruto porn  
i think i can get it up for mafumafu and hatsune miku

 **the superior™**  
you can get it up for furries  
this means nothing

 **Akaashi**  
I feel so out of place

 **yahababe**  
okay you‘re taking it too far  
this is why nobody thinks you look good in glasses  
because you say shit like this

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
you‘re rude  
i‘ll force kamasaki to tell me i‘m hot

 **Akaashi**  
You‘re still with him?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes  
ttyl

 **yahababe**  
i worry for him

 **the superior™**  
i worry for hatsune miku

 **yahababe**  
didnt you just say shes not real

 **the superior™**  
still

 **Akaashi**  
I worry for myself

 **yahababe**  
same tho

 **the superior™**  
anyway guess its us setters again

 **Akaashi**  
Did you all finish your homework?

 **yahababe**  
… youre not our mom  
but yes i did

 **the superior™**  
i‘ve finished them long ago

 **yahababe**  
seriously what kind of nerd are you

 **the superior™**  
i got into shiratorizawa without a sports scholar ship

 **yahababe**  
now youre just bragging

 **Akaashi**  
Good

 **ennoshita**  
hey

 **Akaashi**  
Hey

 **the superior™**  
where did you go

 **yahababe**  
look we‘re the three sane people now  
yamamoto futakuchi and terushima are gone

 **the superior™**  
i wouldn‘t call you sane also… we‘re four people

 **ennoshita**  
i just couldn‘t stay

 **yahababe**  
you‘re so exhausting

 **ennoshita**  
can we talk about smth else

 **the superior™**  
okay

 **Akaashi**  
Yes

 **yahababe**  
where do bald people stop washing their face

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **Akaashi  
** Uh

 **the superior™**  
you know just because the three memes are gone  
doesn‘t mean you have to be the one now

 **yahababe**  
i‘m actually really curious

 **Akaashi**  
they imagine a hairline

 **ennoshita**  
the question is where do they stop washing their hair then

 **the superior™**  
WHAT

 **yahababe**  
ENNOSHITA  
THEY DONT HAVE HAIR

 **ennoshita**  
OH  
OH  
shit

 **Akaashi**  
I can‘t believe I just read that

 **ennoshita**  
lets forget this ever happened

 **the superior™**  
knowing yahaba he probably took screenshots

 **yahababe**  
i have

 **ennoshita**  
look  
listen

 **yahababe**  
i‘m listening

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m tired  
i dont know what i‘m saying  
cut me some slack

 **the superior™**  
i‘ll cut your hair  
shave it off  
snip snip bald ennoshita

 **yahababe**  
will you still love me when i‘m not longer young and hairy - ennoshita to yamamoto

 **ennoshita**  
LISTEN

 **the superior™**  
yamamoto has a fricking mohawk he doesnt have anything to say

 **yahababe**  
so?  
you have like a mismatched bowlcut  
like you tried it but then something went wrong

 **the superior™**  
.  
i swear to god

 **Akaashi**  
… Mismatched bowlcut

 **ennoshita**  
didnt that one second year on your team have a bowlcut

 **the superior™**  
goshiki?

 **yahababe**  
how does it feel like  
when your kouhai can cut a bowlcut and you cant

 **the superior™**  
how does it feel like to have an unrequited crush

 **Akaashi**  
Oh, he went in for the kill and took no hostages

 **ennoshita**  
akaashi

 **Akaashi**  
Yes?

 **ennoshita**  
i feel like weve been hanging out with them for way too long

 **Akaashi**  
You‘re right

 **yahababe**  
I HATE THIS  
I THOGUTH WE‘RE FRIENDS NOW

 **the superior™**  
we‘re not

 **yahababe**  
shut up

 **the superior™**  
okay we are

 **ennoshita**  
wow

 **Akaashi**  
Who would‘ve thought

 **the superior™**  
this is too much  
i‘m going to bed tomorrow is school + early practice

 **yahababe**  
we should have a practice match someday

 **the superior™**  
what for  
you‘ll lose

 **yahababe**  
friendship ended with shirabu  
now ennoshita is my new best friend

 **ennoshita**  
you want to have a practice match with us?

 **yahababe**  
yes

 **ennoshita**  
okay

 **the superior™**  
… good night

 **Akaashi**  
I should go to bed too  
But practice match sounds fun  
I‘d like to have one against you too someday

 **ennoshita**  
come over to miyagi

 **Akaashi**  
We should seriously consider organizing this

 **the superior™**  
sounds fun

_**the superior™** is offline_

**yahababe**  
goodnight!

_**yahababe** is offline_

_**Akaashi** is offline_

_**ennoshita** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**  
guys  
GUYS  
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW YOU CANT ALL BE ASLEEP  
OR DOIGN HOMEWORK  
WHAT DO I HAVE YOU GUYS AS FRIENDS FOR  
GUESS WHO FINALLY STARTED DATING KAMASAKI

 **nasti boi**  
WHAT

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
why are you online

 **nasti boi**  
i finished homework  
well, one of them

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
okay so kamasaki and i are together i guess

 **nasti boi**  
SPILL  
SPILL TH DETAILS

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
so you know i was upset and said im hot w ur glasses right  
and he said no  
so i jokingly said if u want me to be ur boyfriend u better say i look hot  
so he said ok ur hot  
and ? well… we‘re together now

 **nasti boi**  
are you kidding me  
thats so  
what  
how the hell

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
terushima u asshat you walked to izaki and said wanna bang but like not just once and also the rest of johzenji and date  
ON THE FIRST DAY

 **nasti boi**  
thats different  
it was romantic  
i gave him a flower

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
shut up i was more romantic  
i‘ll get glasses for the aesthetic now i look good komaki yuzuru WHO

 **nasti boi**  
i mean yah u look good but ur just gonna be a oikawa wannabe

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
HOW DARE YOU  
terushima is cancelled

 **nasti boi**  
im sorry  
youre prettier  
please

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**nasti boi**  
i love you  
blease  
babe  
bome back  
boba bola

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
FINE STOP SPELLING EVERYTHING WITH A B  
what does it even mean

 **nasti boi**  
bi dont know  
HA i know what that means

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
youre pan

 **nasti boi**  
ban

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**nasti boi**  
bokay

_**nasti boi** is offline_

* * *

 

"So what do you guys think?" Yamamoto asked after he told his friends about his plans.

Kenma didn‘t look up from his phone. At least Fukunaga was looking up, even though he didn‘t reply or stopped chewing on the rice ball he was eating right now.

"Guys!" Yamamoto whined. "What do you think?"

"Why not," Kenma just replied.

"Really?" Yamamoto was surprised Kenma was accepting it so easily. "Oh, you want to see Hinata, right?" He wasn‘t surprised, the two of them were good friends after all and Kenma, even if it didn‘t show, always looked forward to when Nekoma and Karasuno met each other again.

Just as Yamamoto always looked forward to seeing Tanaka… and Ennoshita, of course.

"What about you?" Yamamoto turned to Fukunaga. He just nodded wordlessly and Yamamoto grinned proudly. "I talked to Coach today and he said it was a good idea too! He praised me."

He wasn‘t that bad of a captain after all, what? He was glad he got to meet the other captains and they came up with the idea. Basically, they wanted to have joined practice games: Johzenji, Dateko, Karasuno, Shiratorizawa, Aoba Johsai, Fukurodani and Nekoma. The others all wanted to ask today too, so Yamamoto didn‘t know if they were able to participate, but it would be fun.

"I‘ll get to see Ennoshita too!" Yamamoto shouted and then sat down next to Fukunaga. "And Tanaka! I can‘t wait for a rematch! Oh, I hope there‘s not going to be a problem between him and Terushima…" He started babbling and stopped himself midway. "It‘d be great! They probably have cute managers too!"

"Don‘t you only care for Ennoshita?" Kenma asked.

Yamamoto blushed. That was right, but he did appreciate a cute girl after all. Ennoshita was just something completely different. "That‘s not true! I care for the others too, they‘re my second family!" he shouted. "No, wait. Third. _You_ guys are my second family."

He grinned widely, but Kenma just glanced up from his game for a while. He didn‘t expect much response from Fukunaga and Kenma anyway, but he didn‘t mind. He just hoped the other guys will get along with them too, and that Terushima won‘t hit on either of them.

Or on anyone else, since Tanaka was going to be there. All in all, when the seven of them were together, it could only end in a mess anyway. But it was also always fun.

* * *

 

**(August 1th**

**5.29pm)**

**futakuchi protection squad**  
so i‘ve been thinking

 **the superior™**  
i pass

 **yahababe**  
me too

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
why are you too always against me

 **Akaashi**  
Let him talk, I‘m interested

 **yahababe**  
you‘ll regret it

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
so remember the q/w/d fanfiction

 **Akaashi**  
Forget I asked

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
listen…….,  
you know we keep winning so far in the qualifying rounds  
so we‘ll probably meet you in nationals  
but

 **Akaashi**  
No.

 **the superior™**  
yeah, no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
if everything works out  
we‘ll meet each other even before

 **ennoshita**  
are you suggesting what i think you are

 **nasti boi**  
LOSER HAS TO WRITE A QWD FANFICTION

 **CITY BOY**  
we should all write them before and the loser reads them out aloud!!!!!

 **the superior™**  
what

 **yahababe**  
i‘m

 **ennoshita**  
what

 **Akaashi**  
For god‘s sake

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its a good idea

 **the superior™**  
okay

 **yahababe**  
wHAT

 **the superior™**  
we‘re shiratorizawa, we won‘t lose anyway  
i won‘t have to write it

 **ennoshita**  
those are big words shirabu  
youve lost against us

 **yahababe**  
OH YOURE ON

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
YES

 **CITY BOY**  
YAY

 **Akaashi**  
I can‘t believe this

 **nasti boi**  
akaashi sshhh  
everyone is on board  
you‘re outvouted

 **Akaashi**  
Fine

 **ennoshita**  
wait we all have to write it?

 **CITY BOY**  
YES

 **ennoshita**  
okay  
i don‘t know you guys

 **nasti boi**  
BOOOOO

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
dont be such a party pooper

 **ennoshita**  
fine

 **the superior™**  
so the team with the most losses has to read theirs out loud?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **yahababe**  
lmao  
have fun terushima

 **nasti boi**  
YAHABA YOU FRICKING ASSHOLE

 **ennoshita**  
now that was uncalled for

 **CITY BOY**  
I WONT LOSE!

 **Akaashi**  
Good luck with that

 **CITY BOY**  
thanks :)

 **the superior™**  
one question

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yes

 **the superior™**  
i mean i won‘t need to write it anyway  
but you said they lay eggs

 **nasti bo** i  
tasty

 **ennoshita**  
no terushima

 **the superior™**  
are they like chicken eggs  
or literal like bee eggs

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
what kind of question  
of course theyre like bee eggs

 **Akaashi**  
Wouldn‘t they have an abundance of eggs?  
Wouldn‘t there be too many children?

 **CITY BOY**  
this is too much

 **yahababe**  
world population would be extreme

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
yahaba are u frciking stupid  
theres only one queen bee who can lay eggs so it evens it out

 **ennoshita**  
but that? resolves to incest?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i might not have thought it through

 **nasti boi**  
ok i have a question too

 **Akaashi**  
Do I want to know?

 **nasti boi**  
what if humans lay eggs

 **yahababe**  
what

 **nasti boi**  
like literal eggs like chickens

 **ennoshita**  
are chickens the only animals you know that lay eggs

 **CITY BOY**  
dinosaurs!!!

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
rawr x3

 **the superior™**  
no

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
x(

 **Akaashi**  
You mean if humans lay eggs like chickens  
Like for childbirth or… every day?

 **nasti boi**  
everyday

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
are they edible

 **the superior™**  
WHAT

 **yahababe**  
YIKES  
THATS  
CANNIBALISM

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
its not really…

 **yahababe**  
THEY CAME OUT OF THEIR VAJAYJAY

 **CITY BOY**  
VAJAYJAY

 **ennoshita**  
we wouldn‘t eat those eggs what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
we eat pussy

 **the superior™**  
you don‘t

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
:(

 **nasti boi**  
this is too much even for me, a known nasti

 **Akaashi**  
We wouldn‘t eat the eggs  
However, I don‘t know what we‘d do with the eggs

 **CITY BOY**  
throw away?

 **the superior™**  
seems like a waste?

 **ennoshita**  
what do you want to do with them then?  
paint them and hide them for easter?

 **yahababe**  
but there‘d be so many eggs to throw away

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
so you‘d eat them

 **yahababe**  
NO

 **the superior™**  
i bet there‘d be egg laying porn

 **nasti boi**  
shirabu  
i have some news for you

 **ennoshita**  
oh god

 **nasti boi**  
there already is egg laying porn

 **CITY BOY**  
WHAT  
HOW

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
theres a name for it too oviposition

 **yahababe**  
i don‘t??? want to know?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
imagine laying an egg w ur child and accidentally dropping it lmao

 **ennoshita**  
FUTAKUCHI  
FIRST YOU WANT TO E AT THE EGG  
AND NOW THIS?

 **yahababe**  
wow ennoshita is talking in caps lock

 **the superior™**  
even ennoshita is done with his shit  
futakuchi is worse than terushima confirmed

 **nasti boi**  
futakuchi is the true nasti boi

 **Akaashi**  
You can just lay another egg

 **CITY BOY**  
AKAASHI

 **nasti boi**  
bruh human eggs would be big af

 **CITY BOY**  
OH TRUE  
HOW BIG WOULD A FRIED EGG BE?

 **ennoshita**  
…  
i swear to god

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m vegan

 **the superior™**  
really?

 **yahababe**  
no u stupid assmug he ate meat at the beach

 **nasti boi** LMAO  
ASSMUG

 **the superior™**  
oh

 **CITY BOY**  
HUMANS CANT LAY EGGS ANYWAY  
we‘re mammals

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wow thats surprisingly smart of u

 **the superior™**  
the platypus is the only mammal that lays eggs

 **nasti boi**  
…  
is this  
do you  
do you know this from phineas and ferb

 **the superior™**  
…

 **yahababe**  
oh my god

 **Akaashi**  
What is phineas and ferb?

_**nasti boi** sent an image_

**ennoshita**  
why are their heads like this

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
omg who wouldve thought shiratorizawas captain watches this cartoon

 **the superior™**  
i don‘t  
frick off egg eater

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
I‘M NOT AN EGG EATER

 **ennoshita**  
really?  
never?  
you‘ve never eaten an egg?

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
…  
i‘m vegan

 **CITY BOY**  
I KNOW WHY THEIR HEADS ARE LIKE THIS  
ONE IS A P THE OTHER IS A F

 **ennoshita**  
what  
holy shit

 **Akaashi**  
Wow

 **nasti boi**  
WHAT  
HOLY F  
I LOVE YOU YAMAMOTO

 **ennoshita**  
wow

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ennoshita weirdly turned on by yamamotos phineas and ferb knowledge

 **ennoshita**  
shut up vegan egg eater

 **CITY BOY**  
ive never watched this show before

 **yahababe**  
i‘m impressed yamamoto  
you‘re not that stupid huh

 **ennoshita**  
rude  
he‘s smart when he wants to be  
i guess  
uh

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
how can a vegan eat eggs huh check and mate

 **nasti boi**  
vegan egg layer

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i rest my case

 **the superior™**  
i‘d like you all to know that kawanishi watches this not me

 **nasti boi**  
yeah sure  
you also said kawanishi watches anime  
you always push all the blame to your bfs  
what would poor nishi say if he knew

 **the superior™**  
i guess its semi then

 **yahababe**  
shut up and admit you watch it

 **the superior™**  
listen  
they  
have a catchy theme song

 **Akaashi**  
I‘m not really into american TV

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
youre not into anything

 **yahababe**  
except bokuto

 **nasti boi**  
BRO

 **CITY BOY**  
BROO

 **Akaashi**  
.

 **ennoshita**  
i‘m cackling  
i‘m sorry

 **Akaashi**  
Anyway

 **the superior™**  
its the first time he can‘t say anything

 **nasti boi**  
no the first time was when we were all akaashi

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
akaashi found dead in miami

 **yahababe**  
rip akaashi

 **ennoshita**  
okay change of topic

 **nasti boi**  
lets get deep ha ball deep  
lmao  
pun not intended  
im sorry

 **yahababe**  
no youre not

 **nasti boi**  
no i‘m not

 **CITY BOY**  
deep about what?????

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
if you come to me w that gay shit again and talk about your feelings

 **nasti boi**  
then what

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
i might as well listen to you with an open and caring heart, supporting you as much as i can

 **nasti boi**  
what

 **ennoshita**  
futakuchi redemption arc

 **the superior™**  
futakuchi is vegeta

 **yahababe**  
have yoU EVER EVEN WATCHED DBZ

 **the superior™**  
no

 **yahababe**  
what kind of redemption arc did vegeta have

 **the superior™**  
i wouldn‘t know

 **nasti boi**  
mh i dont have any worries rn  
except for u know the usual stuff  
school  
life  
volleyball  
school

 **ennoshita**  
i feel that

 **yahababe**  
if we get deep again i get depressed

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
ur right

 **the superior™**  
talking about feelings  
how is it going between u and the mad dog

 **yahababe**  
….  
i don‘t know

 **Akaashi**  
?

 **yahababe**  
i guess nothing

 **nasti boi**  
WHAT  
i thought u like him???? were we wrong all along

 **yahababe**  
no its just  
idk whats with us

 **ennoshita**  
?

 **yahababe**  
we‘re friends now and i don‘t want to ruin that

 **the superior™**  
why i mean i understand but

 **yahababe**  
we used to fight all the time and didn‘t get along in our second year and the beginning of the third  
but we get along now and are really good friends  
and i really like him but it took us a long time to get here  
i‘m fine with the way things are

 **futakuchi protection squad**  
wait really?

Akaashi  
I know what you mean

 **the superior™**  
kawanishi is my roommate and he still confessed to me even though it made living together awkward as hell for a while

 **nasti boi**  
im sure he likes u too!!!!  
go balls deep  
haha

 **yahababe**  
he‘s ace

 **nasti boi**  
INTO HIS HEART  
go balls deep into his heart

 **the superior™**   
yahaba

 **yahababe**   
what

 **the superior™**   
youre not that bad of a catch i guess don‘t be so arfaid

 **yahababe**   
was the i guess really necessary

 **the superior™**   
yes

 **nasti boi**   
he has to hold up his tsundere personality

 **Akaashi**   
Shirabu is right though   
Also sometimes you have to risk things   
And, if you said you really are good friends he will still be friends with you if he doesn‘t feel the same   
Unless you don‘t want to…   
I guess

 **yahababe**   
thank you … i guess   
im just confused i‘ll go now idk

 **nasti boi**   
IM CHEERING FOR U MY BOY

 **ennoshita**   
me too!

 **CITY BOY**   
UR OUR MAN YAHABA

 **yahababe**   
:‘) this family isnt that bad i guess

_**yahababe** is offline_

**futakuchi protection squad**   
aww was that not adorable

 **ennoshita**   
yes

 **nasti boi**   
i love this family we can go from egg laying discourse to spilling our feelings

 **Akaashi**   
Egg laying discourse…

 **futakuchi protection squad**   
ONE LAST THING   
you know how eggs are rated in quality   
how would human eggs be rated

_**Akaashi** is offline  
_

_**ennoshita** is offline_

_**the superior™** is offline  
_

_**CITY BOY** is offline_

**nasti boi**   
from a scale from 1 to 10 rated from a persons taste in anime   
10 is when they like naruto  
1 when they like sword art online

_**futakuchi protection squad** is offline_

**nasti boi** :(

_**nasti boi** is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> egg laying discourse credit to my old squad the cha cha gang (i was the one who kept asking what to do w them im sorry)
> 
> also theres only gonna be one chapter left bc i'm out of ideas :') idk when i'll update tho im sorry.... like i said i'm not that into haikyuu anymore but i still love these kids!!
> 
> and if u want to hmu i'm now on twitter [@hyaenes](https://twitter.com/hyaenes) (it's mostly just enstars and other idol games)


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